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“It’s not time, for either of us. I just wanted to feel it. It’s stupid, I know. It’s a stupid thing to do, but I needed to do it. I needed you to show me you could.”
“I couldn’t hold back.”
Tilly pinches my arm for that.
“Don’t be a dick.”
“I wanted to, Tilly. I just didn’t know whether I should. It’s harder for me. I have to trust you to do something about it.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do.”
I haven’t got much choice now, but that’s my own fault. The truth is, I do trust her. Some time passes before Tilly speaks again.
“Are you hungry?”
“Fucking starving.”
She smiles that winning smile. “Then we better eat, because I want you to fuck me and come inside me at least twice more before we go back home. If I’m going to make you spend fifty dollars on the morning after pill, I better make sure you get your money back.”
“That, Tilly, is one of the reasons I love you.”
Again the words are out before I have a chance to stop them. Thankfully she glosses quickly over them. I feel stupid for saying something without even thinking about the consequences, and try to style it out. Of course I don’t love Tilly, not in that way, not yet, but that’s not to say there isn’t potential for that to happen. There’s a long way between that and now, and both of us clearly know it.
“Steady on, Landon, I might begin to think you are serious about me.”
“I’ll tell you that when I see what you’ve packed us both for lunch.”
Tilly
By the time the temperature dips, the sun has fallen away and it’s way past the time we should have already left for home, Landon and I have fucked and come together, him inside me without a condom on, three more times.
I cannot even begin to describe to you how absolutely incredible each one of those times is, nor how they increase exponentially in intensity and perfection.
I know it’s stupid, I know we shouldn’t, I know it goes against every single piece of advice I’ve been given about safe sex, and we are reckless and wild and playing with fire, but I just couldn’t say no. I’m getting a morning after pill as soon as I get home. There is no way I won’t and no way I want to get pregnant, even with Landon Maddox’s baby. If I wasn’t sure before about his intention, I’m absolutely certain after today. Landon wants to give this a go just as much as I do. Whatever obstacles we have in our way will have to be dealt with as soon as they come. If we work together outside of this vacation bubble, I think there is a possibility we could be absolutely perfect for one another for the rest of our lives. If we can’t, for whatever personal reason, outside of the fact we are step-siblings, or he’s a football star or whatever, if we aren’t right for each other, at least we’ll have given it a go.
That’s all I want. It’s more than I ever thought was possible with the man I’ve spent hours idolizing, months hating and only days falling in love with.
I can’t say that Landon hasn’t surprised me, because he’s nothing like I expected. He looks the same, even hotter actually, but his personality, his drive, his desire, his loyalty and single minded determination is nothing like how the papers make out, or even how he comes across in interviews.
This week has given me a chance to see the real Landon Maddox, and even though I already know I loved him and hated myself for it, I now know I can love him, and be proud to do so.
Love is a funny word and I know I’m nowhere near it yet, Landon’s got a way to go to prove himself to me, and I’m sure I do as well to prove myself to him, but the possibility is definitely there and I can’t hide how exciting that makes me feel.
The sex is out of this world incredible, just being with him makes me happy, when I’m not with him my body aches to have him around, and it’s pretty clear even from an outside perspective that we have a lot of fun together.
The true test is whether that continues, but it’s a test we are both super keen to take. Part of me can’t help worrying this will all fizzle out when we get back, while the other part is more confident than I ever remember thinking I had the potential to be. Landon isn’t the only one who has surprised me this week either, I’ve totally surprised myself in my ability to win him over. I know I’m a sexy girl, but I’ve never felt it as strongly as I do with Landon. I’ve never had banter like I do with him either and I’ve never played the kind of word games with anyone like we do with each other. There is a real spark between us, a real chemistry at our core, and I know for a fact I’m not the only one noticing it.
Landon can’t get enough of me. I know he’s a ladies man and a bit of a player as much as he denies it, but I’m convinced now, after only a few days in his company, that the all star athlete and underwear model with the cheesy smile and the huge dick, simply can’t get enough of me. And that is a feeling I get a feeling I can’t help but show I’m reciprocating.
I mean, this could be serious. Like, really serious. Like, Landon Maddox could be the one.
We might be falling in love with each other.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I’m thinking about keeping it.”
“You want to tell Rachel and Dad or should I?”
I love the fact I can bullshit him and he already knows I’m lying.
“What’s our excuse going to be for getting home so late?”
“You mean apart from the fact we were working on increasing the size of the family?”
“Aside from that, yes.”
“We got lost.”
“We have GPS.”
“In the woods.”
“Walking?”
“Tracking animals.”
“Your dad would be proud.”
“He might not if he knew what we were really up to.”
“It we don’t go home, we won’t have to tell him.”
“We could run away, but coach will want to know where his star quarterback has gone.”
“Tracking animals.”
“He wouldn’t be as impressed as my dad.”
We carve through the winding roads, afternoon turning through dusk towards night. At the edge of the road I see dead and alive animals, rabbits hit by cars and birds feeding off them. This is the cy
cle of life in all it’s glory and I wonder whether Landon and I are destined to become the squash of blood and bones on tarmac or the ones picking them apart to survive.
The journey back to the house takes less time than I want it to, and when we arrive, Mom comes quickly to the kitchen window to make sure it’s us. Just before we get out of the car, and while Mom makes her way out of our sight to open the front door to let us in, I lean over and give Landon a kiss and a squeeze.
“You’re glowing again.”
I shrug my shoulders.
“Maybe it’s my new look.”
“Whatever it is, I like it.”
Mom breaks the spell, stood on the doorstep with her arms folded to chaperone us inside, just in case we can’t make the short distance from the car to the house unaided.
We filter in, Landon first, myself behind him, my glow seemingly evident in Mom’s eyes, reflected back against me, in the way she beams a proud, slightly self conscious smile at us both, even in the way Marvin is stood to greet us back home, his hands in his pockets awkwardly as though expecting someone far more important to arrive.
Landon and I look at each other. This is weird even for Mom and Marvin. This is the appearance of a pair of proud parents ready to confess our secret back at us. I hold my breath, fully expecting a frank confession of our afternoon activity, but it doesn’t come. As soon as the oddness has arrived, it melts away into normality again, and I wonder if I’ve just imagined it all.
Marvin sits silently back down to pick up his book, while Mom takes to the couch opposite him, the magazine she’s been reading now open again and rested against her leg ready to pick up when she’s done with us.
I realize that Landon and I are probably standing far too close to each other and make a point of moving away. If there is anything I want to do or say to him, I’ll have to wait once again for the privacy of our bedroom. Mom’s eyes follow me to the kitchen and then again to the couch. It’s almost as if she’s waiting for the right moment to speak and then when she feels like I’ve settled enough comes out with the first line in what could, to a guilty mind, be an awkward inquisition.
“So, what did you guys get up to?”
