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She doesn’t actually come into the room, thank God, but there is a short, horrible moment when Landon and I both think she might, and we scramble desperately for something to cover ourselves with, the condoms and our sordid tracks evident all over the room.
When we both emerge from the room, fifteen minutes later, Landon first, myself enough time behind him, Marvin is already halfway through his breakfast, and Mom halfway through cooking hers.
There is no reason to be up this early, and I’m angry at her for denying Landon and I our last precious few moments together in bed. I know she wanted an early start, but for some reason I thought she meant a much more sensible time.
I slump into a seat at the table, clearly less than impressed at the wake up call. Landon slides in alongside me, somehow already wide awake and looking amazing, while Mom continues in her attempt to be some kind of superparent, by somehow simultaneously pouring coffee and making pancakes appear in front of us.
“What time will you set off?”
Marvin’s question is directed at Landon, who looks at me before he answers.
“I thought we’d all head off together.”
“Remind me again why we’re up so early?”
“You were never an early riser, Tilly.”
“We have to set the house right and get on the road early enough to miss the traffic.”
“We’re in the middle of nowhere, what traffic?”
I don’t want to be sat here discussing this, I want to be back in bed with Landon, waking him up like I did yesterday. I knew
this moment would come, but now it’s finally here, I’m struggling to cope with it. I feel sad and grouchy, and the last thing I want to do is clean up and clear off, without Landon in the back seat of the car next to me.
I reach for his leg just to give it a squeeze and remind myself any break is only temporary.
“Check out time is midday.”
“It’s seven in the morning.”
“Then we’ll definitely be ready to go when we need to. There’s not much else we can do today anyway. Marvin is still recuperating, and the pair of you must be as bored as house cats stuck here in the middle of nowhere. I thought you’d be over the moon about getting back to see your friends. Aren’t you Landon?”
“Not really. The season doesn’t start for another few weeks, which means I’ll be sat at home for most of it keeping out of trouble.”
At least Mom thinks he’s joking.
“Well, you can always come back if you like it so much. You might even want to bring Tilly with you.”
Landon and I share a conspiratorial glance, before his hand finds my thigh this time and gives it a squeeze to tell me who it belongs to.
After breakfast we share chores to get the house in a decent enough state to hand back. There isn’t much to do apart from a bit of light cleaning, which Marvin insists we split equally, so each person takes a single room. Mom offers to do the bathroom, which means she has to clean the decking too, because it’s a lot smaller than the other rooms.
It’s dull and boring and the moments Landon and I are alone together are so fleeting I don’t get a chance to say the things I want to him. I’m not entirely sure what those things are, but I’m conscious of our time expiring and us both missing an opportunity to say goodbye in the intimate way we want to.
My mind is a mess of words and emotions, and half way through the morning, I feel like breaking down and crying.
As expected, and as much as I try and lengthen it, we are all finished by just after nine. The garden is clear of Landon’s footballs, the decking is dry and the jacuzzi we never got a chance to use together packed up, our bedroom stripped of anything but memories of Landon and my silent screams, the kitchen and living room and the rest of the house spotless, except for the football sized hole in one of the french windows, we didn’t have a chance to repair beyond the cardboard we hastily stuck to it.
After we are done, we all collect together in the living room, stood up in the centre like we’re on guard duty, somehow frightened to use the house as a house, now that we’ve spent time cleaning it.
“Well, I suppose that’s just about it.”
It’s nowhere near checkout time yet, but because we’ve started so early, we’re now left with nothing else to do. It’s already time to say goodbye and I’m no way near ready.
“Same time next year I guess.”
I can’t share Mom’s jovial good mood because even a few days seems like a lifetime without Landon in it. A year might as well be an eternity.
Marvin engages himself with taking the suitcases out to the car, while I take one last look at the bedroom I’m kicking myself I didn’t sleep in until three nights in. The beds have been remade, my mattress and Landon’s separated, the drapes drawn back and the floor cleared of our intertwined, hastily removed clothes.
If you look closely enough, you’ll be able to see my fingerprints still on the paint between here and the bathroom, the first night Landon and I fucked silently and he held me up against the wall.
Now the house is back in it’s original state, that memory seems like it belongs to a time much more distant than only a few days ago.
Landon is up alongside me momentarily, close enough for it to seem inappropriate, his heat at my back as I stand at the threshold to our den. I want him to put his arms around me and gather me even closer into him, but the situation won’t allow for it, and even before I’ve really had time to enjoy it, Marvin’s calling for his help, and Landon gets whipped away again. Just before he goes, I hear the words slip from his lips and rub up against me like distant sounds calling me out of a dream.
“Paradise.”
The house looks empty and sad, like no-one has ever lived in it at all, and before I know it, the door has been locked forever, the bags are all in the back of the two separate cars, and all four of us are stood awkwardly on the drive outside waiting for someone to start saying goodbye. There are smatterings of conversation about weather and traffic and routes back and next times before Mom takes control and is the first to give Landon a hug.
When she is done, and has made way for whoever is next, she leans back against the car proud of what I know she will believe has been her achievement alone, of bringing two disparate families successfully together. Marvin and I look at each other, before I offer the way for him and he steps forward to say goodbye to his son with a slightly awkward and perfectly formal handshake that Landon turns into a strong and manly hug.
Marvin steps back, a little embarrassed by his extrovert son, and suddenly it’s my turn to say goodbye.
Landon opens his arms and welcomes me towards him, and I step slowly into his embrace while Mom and Marvin look on proudly.
