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Moments later, I guided her back into the room, whispering sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down. She was shaking. My own guilt was eating me up, and I fucking hated it. Not because of Amicia, but because no one before her had made me feel angry at myself like this.
I was a man of business. Whether that business was shady or not was something my conscience had to work out. I'd never given a shit about the opinions of others. But not with Amicia. With her, I wanted approval. And I knew I would never have it again—at least not from her, the one who mattered most.
I guided her into the bedroom, not the guest one where she'd slept on the first night, and not the playroom's bed, but the master bedroom where none of my female friends had ever slept before her. I removed her clothes carefully while she sobbed. I understood then that finding out what she did had broken her. I knew there'd be no going back from what she'd just discovered. She'd never forgive me.
All we had was this one last night.
And I was going to make it one to remember.
I held Amicia's trembling body in my arms that night, whispering how much she meant to me in her ear. I'd never done that for a woman, not even another human being. She made me human again. She turned the monster I'd been for the past few decades into someone with a heart.
I knew she wanted to leave. Her body was there, but her mind didn't want to be with me.
"Stay with me," I said to her. "One last night. Tomorrow you can leave. Just let me have one last night."
She didn't respond, her body rigid in my arms. I wanted her to reassure me, but I knew she wouldn't. I'd fucked up. She knew what I was now. There was no going back from this.
We lay there for hours. I kept whispering in her ear and she moved further and further away from me in the bed.
"I loved you," she whispered in the middle of the night. "And you broke me."
I could have told her I loved her too, but I was too ashamed.
So, I just listened to the sound of her sweet sobbing until sleep pulled us both under.
***
I woke up to sunshine streaming in through the window, with snowflakes dancing in the icy day. My first thought was of her, my sweet Kitty, and my arms sought her out in the bed next to me, coming up empty. She wasn't there. I should have known then she was gone, but I pretended she'd just gone to the bathroom.
I pulled myself out of bed and checked the rooms one by one. She wasn't in the secret room. Not in any of the bathrooms or the other bedrooms. She wasn't in the kitchen, the study, or the living room. The Christmas tree stood there, a silent reminder of Christmas Day—the day she was finally supposed to become mine, and the one I'd forever remember as the first one without her.
Nearing the tree, I took in gift after gift, wrapped up all pretty and waiting for Amicia to tear into the wrapping paper. Except that would never happen now. I'd given her the opportunity to leave, and she had. I had no right to my Kitty anymore, and we both knew it. I'd given that up myself.
I picked up one of the smallest packages, carefully unwrapping it myself. I revealed a dark blue velvet box, opening it to reveal a priceless engagement ring. In the cold light of the morning, the ring was tacky and too gaudy for a girl like Amicia. She deserved something more special.
I walked over to the balcony, pondering the ring in my hands. It was the sign of our relationship falling apart. Another symbol of my ownership over the girl who hadn't wanted to be owned. Taking one last, long look at the ring, I tossed it over the balcony and into the abyss below.
Walking back inside, I groaned when I saw the Christmas tree. I'd have to arrange to have it taken down—I couldn't bear the sight of it, remembering how happy we'd been putting it up together.
A package on the floor caught my attention. It wasn't one of the ones I'd had professionally wrapped, it was a simple gift box with a bow clumsily attached to the top. I picked it up, reading my name in Amicia's neat handwriting scribbled on the front. Had she left it on purpose, or had she forgotten she'd left it there?
I ripped through the paper in record time, lifting the lid of the box with a deep sigh. Inside, Kitty's mask from that first night at Le Cabaret was waiting, all pink sequins and cute kitty ears. I touched the fabric longingly, and every moment I'd spent with my plaything flashed in my mind, a painful reminder of how alone her absence had made me.
