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I blinked and nodded slowly, encouraging him to keep going while willing my body and pulse to stay unreactive.
“Could’ve helped. Could’ve called the cops or whatever. I walked in to get out of the cold, found her lying on the floor with a needle stuck in her arm, lips blue, barely breathing. She was covered in puke. I felt her neck—there was a pulse—she was lookin’ right at me, starin’, I could’ve done somethin’, Shayla, and I didn’t. I stood there until that bitch died, then I took any money she had stashed in that house and left. I never went back.”
Again, I blinked and nodded slowly.
“That’s it,” he said; then he released a tense breath and looked away. “I didn’t want you diggin’ around ’cause I knew you’d find out she was dead and ask me about it, and I didn’t wanna tell you. Not ’cause I didn’t want you knowin’ she can’t hurt me anymore. I didn’t want you knowin’ who I am. Now you know—I let that cunt die. I killed her. A better person would regret it. I don’t. I’d do it again.”
I was processing Sean’s words and waiting for that rush of shock or fear to fill me. But all I felt was relief.
Sean was safe now. He never had to worry about that woman hurting him ever again.
And even though this act could’ve defined Sean as a person, it didn’t. I didn’t judge him any differently now. I didn’t look at him in a new way. I couldn’t.
I got it. I got him. This was Sean protecting himself. And I didn’t see it as murder or Sean assisting in someone’s death by not stepping in to help. I didn’t see it that way at all.
“Okay,” I said; then, before Sean could look over at me, I quickly slid onto the floor, moved in front of him, and knelt between his legs. I grabbed his face. “You see me looking at you?” I asked.
Sean’s beautiful copper eyes were dilated and jumping with worry. “Yeah.”
“Am I looking at you any different than I’ve always looked at you, aside from that time we weren’t talking anymore and I avoided looking at you because it killed me to do it when I didn’t think you wanted me looking?”
His brows pinched. “You didn’t think I wanted you lookin’?”
“You turned me down and quit speaking to me so no, I didn’t.”
Why were we talking about this now? This was not important, Shay. Stay on track.
“Anyway, am I—”
“I always wanted it,” he rushed out, halting my speech. “At the time, I knew I didn’t deserve it. That’s why I pushed you off. I wasn’t good enough for you. Not even you lookin’ at me, no matter how much I liked it.”
I shook my head. “Sean…”
“I know different now. I’m just sayin’, that’s how it was before.”
That made me smile. Finally, he understood his worth. He was getting it.
“I didn’t think you were interested,” I told him.
“That was never the fuckin’ problem.”
I smiled bigger.
Sean watched my mouth, his jaw ticked, then he repeated in that low, gravelly voice that make my skin tingle, “Never the fuckin’ problem.”
Holy crap, the flirting skills.
Stay on point, Shay. Keep focus.
“Okay, so you know how I’ve always looked at you,” I prompted.
He met my gaze and jerked his chin.
“Am I looking at you any different right now?”
Sean stared into my eyes, breathing fast and heavy, studying me, searching for the slightest change—I could tell—and God, it was worrying him. I wanted so badly to tell him with words, but I knew he needed the proof, so I was staying silent and giving it to him. Then he reached out, slid his hands to the back of my neck, held there, and pressed our foreheads together. He kept staring, but his breathing was slowing, still just as heavy, but he was calmer now. He was seeing what I knew was there.
“Val got it too,” he shared, and hearing he’d told his ex what had happened, and she didn’t look at him any different after the fact, made me like Val a hundred times more, and I already liked her a lot. “Thought she’d run. She didn’t. Thought you’d leave…”
“I won’t,” I cut in, finishing his sentence.
“She was wrong.”
I blinked, curious whom he was referring to. “Val?”
Sean shook his head lightly since we were still touching. “That bitch,” he answered. “Val didn’t run. My girls forgave me. The way you look at me…I ain’t nothin’.”
My heart swelled. God…thank God, thank God.
“Not even close,” I whispered, smiling, crying a little—I couldn’t help it. I was just so happy for him.
Sean’s thumb caught my tears, then he leaned in and kissed me, murmuring inside my mouth. “Baby…baby.”
Not the baby girl I’d been wanting before, and I was glad because this was better. This was mine.
