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I shook my head, laughing. “This is weird.”
“Both of us wanting you to be happy? Knowing you deserve it?” She smiled. “Not weird at all. I’m just glad you’re finally on board.”
I slumped back in the chair and linked my hands behind my head, looking through the glass and peering inside the condo. “I’ll stay through tomorrow so I can get more time with the girls, but then I gotta head back,” I told Val.
She nodded, then her eyes got soft. “Look at you,” she said quietly.
“What?”
“You’re getting it all, Sean. Everything good you always should’ve had.”
“A lot of that is ’cause of you.”
She slowly shook her head before putting her gaze on the ocean.
“No,” she said. “It’s you. You were never nothing. You’re finally seeing that.”
I was never nothing.
Those words didn’t surprise me anymore or piss me off. I carried them with me now. They were mine. Shayla had given them to me.
Shayla.
Fuck, I couldn’t wait to get her back.
Hearing her voice inside my head, I stared out at the ocean, wishing it was a different beach.Chapter Twenty-oneSHAYLAIt was Memorial Day, the official kickoff of summer.
For beach lovers, this was it—the best time of the year. The start of everything.
For me?
It was a day I just wanted to sleep through.
Air conditioning on full blast, I sat parked behind Whitecaps with my head resting against the back of my seat and my eyes closed.
>I felt exhausted. I knew I could fall asleep right now if I let myself.
But what use would that be? Someone would find me.
I was parked sandwiched between my closest friends. Tori and Sydney were expecting me to show up today. I hadn’t just volunteered my time. I had committed.
Minutes ticked by as I tried holding tight to my procrastination, but the better person in me fought back.
I couldn’t just sit here any longer. The carnival had started twenty minutes ago. I needed to move.
I cut the air down and tried rousing to a more alert state, but my limbs felt heavy against the seat. In the distance, I could hear music playing, children squealing with excitement. Commotion from the crowd. People gathering at Whitecaps for the excitement today would bring.
But none of it, not one thing was perking me up.
I missed Sean. Plain and simple.
Not even a beautiful, fun-filled day with my friends was taking that pain away.
Before anyone came looking for me and started asking questions, I locked up my car, slid my sunglasses on, and padded around the side of the building.
The gravel popped and crackled beneath my sneakers as my eyes scanned the crowd, searching for the one person I needed to quit searching for.
It was something I did out of habit and hope, and thinking today would be the day I would break routine was almost laughable. How could I not look for him here? I always did—when we were nothing and when were everything, it didn’t matter. I always looked.
Love was the killer of sanity.
“Shay!”
I turned my head toward the far corner of the parking lot.
Tori was standing with Jamie in front of the dunk tank. He was dripping wet in his swim trunks and tugging her against him when she tried getting away, wrapping his arms around her and soaking her clothes. She squealed and playfully pushed against his chest as Brian climbed up in the chair and waited his turn.
“Hey, babe.” Tori stopped in front of me and smiled with sympathy in her eyes. She squeezed my hand. “How are you?”
“I’m here,” I replied, shrugging. “I don’t know. Maybe this will be a nice distraction. I can paint ladybugs and rainbows on fat, sunburned cheeks and pretend I’m not completely miserable and on the verge of crying every other breath I take. This could be like, art therapy, or something. I might actually leave here not wanting to kill myself.”
Tori frowned and held me tighter.
I immediately regretted speaking.
“I didn’t mean that last part. I don’t know why I said that,” I quickly threw out, shaking my head and blinking back tears behind my glasses. “Sorry. Put me to work. Seriously. Is my booth ready, or do I need to set it up?” I glanced around the lot.
“Actually, I wanted to run something by you.” Tori released my hand to tie her long, blonde hair back out of her face. “Kali had to stay home with Cameron ’cause he has that foot and hand disease or whatever it’s called, so Cole is flying solo at the kissing booth, which would be fine, but we have a lot of guys here with potentially thick wallets.”
My brows lifted.
I knew exactly what she was getting at. She really didn’t need to say any more, but she did.
“I’m just saying,” Tori continued on. “This could be beneficial to both Whitecaps and yourself. They say the first step is the most difficult. This could make it a little easier, you know?”
