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“I need a note.”
Shit. Of course he needed a note. HE WAS LATE.
After frantically looking around the front seat in search for some loose-leaf and coming up empty-handed, I flattened out a crumpled Taco Bell receipt and scribbled on the back.
“Here,” I said, shoving into his hand. “Now go. Hurry.”
He looked at the receipt and then at me like I was crazy for giving that to him, mumbled something under his breath while grabbing his book bag off the floor, and finally exited the car.
The door slammed. I was about to pull away from the curb when sniffling turned my head.
Big, fat tears poured down Eli’s face as he stared at the window. “M-My f-field trip. I’m g-gonna m-miss it.”
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
Whipping back around and shifting the gear into drive, I sped away from Hyde County Middle while whispering every prayer I could think of.
“We’ll get there. It’ll be okay, E,” I said as I drove safely but still well over the speed limit.
Eli kept crying and bouncing his legs.
I was gripping the steering wheel so tight, my fingers were going numb. Please. Oh, God. Please.
I let out a sigh of relief when I saw a couple buses still parked in front of the school. After stopping at the curb, I got out with Eli, keeping my car running, and sprinted with him inside.
“Hi! He’s here. He’s here,” I said, rushing into the front office with him. “We aren’t too late, are we?”
An older black woman dressed in a pantsuit was standing at the counter. She looked at me, smiled, then lowered her gaze to Eli. “Not too too late,” she said, tilting her head as she studied him. “Whose homeroom are you in, sweetie?”
“Ms. Coleman’s,” Eli answered.
Her lips pressed together. “Oh, you just missed the bus. They just left to go to the botanical gardens.”
“No!” Eli cried, looking back at me. “S-Shay!”
I gripped his shoulders. “It’s okay,” I said, trying to summon a smile. “I’ll just take him on my way to work, and he can meet up with his class there.”
The woman stepped forward, shaking her head while motioning for Eli to come to her. “No, he would’ve had to have ridden the bus. I’m sorry, but it’s school policy. He’ll just have to stay here and wait for his class. Come on, sweetheart. What’s your name?”
I kept my grip on his shoulders so Eli couldn’t move. “This is ridiculous! Why are you punishing him? He should get to go on the field trip with his class. Can’t you see how much he wants to go?”
She glanced at Eli, who I knew was still crying—I could feel his little body shake and hear his quiet sniffles. Then the woman locked eyes with me and said in a firm voice, “He’ll have to stay here. I’m sorry.”
Closing my eyes through a harsh breath and fighting against the strongest urge I’d ever had to punch someone right in the mouth, I stepped to Eli’s side and looked down, my heart breaking into a million pieces when I saw the steady stream of tears running down his face.
“Hey,” I whispered, bending down so we were eye level. “I’m going to take you to the botanical gardens, okay? We can go tonight, or tomorrow.”
“I have b-baseball.”
“We’ll go after baseball. Or we’ll do whatever you want to do. We’ll go somewhere really special, okay? Wherever you want. I promise.”
Eli kept his eyes on the floor. He wouldn’t look at me.
My promises probably meant jack shit to him now. I could promise him the world, and it wouldn’t matter.
“I am so sorry, E,” I said, giving his arms a squeeze.
Head down, Eli walked away when Ms. Unwilling-to-Be-Understanding-in-Her-Stupid-Ass-Pantsuit beckoned him forward again, and the two of them disappeared behind a door.
I felt like a complete failure.
Pissing Dominic off was one thing. That hurt. But disappointing Eli? That pain was unbearable.
After signing him in as late so it wouldn’t get marked unexcused, I walked out to my car, barely pulling away from the school before I started crying.
I’d held it together up until that point, but I just couldn’t fight it anymore. I kept picturing Eli’s face while I drove.
This was all my fault.
I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t helping out my Mom. I wasn’t making anyone’s lives easier. I was fucking everything up.
Sniffling, I pulled around the side of Whitecaps and backed into a space. I had exactly twelve minutes before my shift started.
I was using those twelve minutes.
With my hands free now, I buried my face in them and sobbed.Chapter SixSEANGo back inside. This ain’t your business. You got what you wanted by pushing her away. Don’t fuck it up by walking over there.
I stared at the back door, one hand on the wall beside it and the other on the knob, stilled, not twisting it the way I should’ve been doing. Panting heavy breaths through my nostrils, I tried forgetting what I just saw and staying out of shit I didn’t need to be getting involved in, but just like that stupid fucking app I couldn’t keep deleted off my phone, there was no fighting this.
