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Sean knocked again.
I looked at myself in the mirror and decided timed masks were stupid. They should start oxidizing the moment they touch your skin and reach full potential a second later.
Immediate gratification.
Ripping the thin sheet off my face, I tossed it into the wastebasket next to the sink, patted the essence into my skin, ran a quick brush through my hair to give it some life, pinched my cheeks, and then ran back across the apartment and unlocked the door.
“Hi!” I rushed out, holding the door open for Sean to enter. “This is a surprise. What’s up?”
Sean stopped in the entryway and turned to look at me.
He was wearing dark-wash jeans, his motorcycle boots, and a tight black T-shirt, skipping the thermal, I was assuming, since the weather tonight was on the warmer side.
“Val called,” he shared, rubbing both hands down his face, then reaching around to grip his neck so his elbows pointed straight at me.
My eyes widened to the size of baseballs. “She did?” I asked, pushing the door closed.
Sean nodded.
“What did she say?”
“That I could see my girls.” He looked ready to hit the floor.
“Oh, my God! Sean! That’s great!” I cried, closing the distance between us in two quick steps.
I wrapped my arms around his middle and squeezed him tight, smiling when I felt his arms drop around me.
His hands gently, almost cautiously, formed to my hips.
Holy God, this was nice. I have lived a full life now.
“Why aren’t you jumping up and down? This is good news,” I asked, keeping pressed close.
I didn’t want to move. Ever.
He smelled so good. Sean didn’t wear cologne from what I could tell. And I didn’t think it was soap I was smelling. It was just…him. He smelled like the outdoors. Like the wind when it filled your car as you were driving past a meadow with the windows down. A little sweet, but all man. Dirt and grass and every other scent you’d catch while you were outside working on something.
“I’m fuckin’ scared,” he admitted, which immediately had me leaning away to peer up at him.
God, his honesty sometimes…it was shocking. Sean fought me until he didn’t.
At all.
“They don’t know me anymore,” he elaborated. “It’s been over a fuckin’ year. What if they…they could hate me.”
“They won’t.”
“I’d fuckin’ hate me.”
I shook my head. “Kids don’t think like that. Not that young. I promise.”
“Well…what about the house? It ain’t good enough. I don’t got a playground out back for them yet, and the beds don’t have anything on them. It’s small. It’s too fuckin’ small, and that fuckin’ basement…I still gotta work on that. And some of those walls I patched look like shit…I should’ve done better. I—”
“Sean, hey.” I grabbed his face, forcing him to stop. “Those girls are not going to care about any of that. They just want to spend time with you. It’s about you. Not stuff. Not your house. And quit selling yourself short, will you? You have done an amazing job getting that house ready. It looks great.”
He thought on what I said, nodded his head firmly, once, then I felt his hands slide away from my hips, and he stepped back, forcing us apart.
“You gotta help me,” he pleaded, looking desperate. “I need your help.”
Now, this was a first…“Of course, I’ll help you. What do you need?”
He took the elastic out of his hair and let all those golden strands down.
My hand hit my chest. “Oh, my God, you don’t want me to chop off your hair, do you?” I questioned, feeling slightly nauseated at the idea. “I really don’t want to do that.”
I’d help him another way. There had to be something else.
“Not all of it,” Sean specified. “I just don’t want my girls not recognizing me. It’s gonna be hard enough for them. It’s been so fuckin’ long. I don’t want them scared it ain’t me.”
“How short do you want it?”
He touched just above his shoulder. “’Bout here?” His brows raised. “That’s how it was last time they saw me.”
That was three inches, give or take. It would still be longish, which made me happy. Sean’s hair was just…wow. It just felt wrong to cut it off.
“Okay. I can do that.”
“This too,” he said, rubbing his hand over his short, thick beard. “I want them seein’ me. Not this.”
“Do you want it shaved completely?”
I tried picturing Sean barefaced.
I couldn’t do it.
He shook his head. “I had a goatee before I got locked up, plus a little on my jaw.” He stroked his fingers there. “Just not this full, you know?”
“Got it.” I held my arm out, directing him toward the salon room. “Right this way, sir. Let’s get you ready so those beautiful girls recognize you.”
His eyes gentled, and I thought I saw a faint smile before he walked in front of me. He stopped at the open door.
