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“I have no right to tell you not to go out on dates, Jenna.”
“But you can’t stop thinking about me,” I argued. “And you’re here right now.”
“I know.”
“You had a reason to give me. Why didn’t you just say it?”
“I couldn’t,” he said, sounding frustrated now. I could hear the sharp breaths leaving him. “I want you to be happy. You love dates. You get excited about them—Olivia told me you do. And I was still trying to work through how I feel…I didn’t know if I was ready for this. And it’s not just because you’re the first woman I’ve wanted to be with since Sadie died. I’m not just talking about being attracted to you and wanting you physically. Jenna, I know what this could become. I wasn’t sure I could do it yet. And if I wasn’t sure, I couldn’t tell you not to go through with this date. I couldn’t tell you how it made me feel when I found out your kids were staying with your brother all night. I couldn’t say shit about any of it.”
“Are you still trying to work through it?”
“No.” He reached out and gently held my waist, drifting closer but stopping before any other part of him touched any other part of me. “I wouldn’t be here if I were.”
I flattened my hands to his chest. His heart pounded against my palm. “It’s a good thing I came home, then.”
“I’m glad you did, but I would’ve waited out there all night—you have to know that.”
Now my heart was pounding.
“Look, I don’t really want to ask about your date, but I’m not going to lie to you—I need to know if you hit it off with this guy.” His fingers tensed on my back. “If you’re into him…or if you’re not sure yet but you want to find out, tell me.”
The worry in his voice was so honest and raw, it tore at me. “I went out with Travis as a friend. I’m not interested in anything more with him.”
Nathan frowned instantly. “That was a friend date?”
“Yes.”
“Is that why he didn’t walk you to the door? Because he fucking should’ve.”
I studied his eyes and the crease in his brow. “That really bothers you, doesn’t it?”
“The way someone treats you? If they don’t do it right—yes, it bothers me.”
“Travis offered to walk me to my door. I told him not to.”
“Why?”
“There was this guy sitting outside. You might’ve seen him. Glasses. Totally my type. Only thing missing was a backward hat. I’m such a sucker for those.” I slid my arms around his neck and molded to his front. There was nothing but breath between us now. “If I had a choice, I wanted him walking me to my door tonight. Not Travis.”
“What are you doing?” Nathan peered down between us, at our bodies pressing together. “What about the whole money issue?”
“You technically touched me first.”
“I also kept space between us for a reason.” His eyes lifted and locked onto mine. “Jenna, I can’t wait and do this with you. I can’t feel you again and then…”
“Maybe we shouldn’t wait. Is it really what either of us wants?”
“Well, I sure as hell don’t want it.”
“Don’t pay me, Nathan.”
“Jenna.” He sighed and shook his head. “You know how I feel about that…”
“Please don’t pay me. Please,” I begged, voice dropping to a whisper. I sounded desperate all of a sudden because I was. “You pay people who do a job for you, but Marley has never been a job to me,” I explained. “I want to be around her, and on the days I’m not, I miss her, Nathan. I miss her like I miss my own kids. Being with her never feels like something I have to do. It’s something I want to do. Don’t pay me anymore. I don’t want your money.”
“I take so much from you. Your free time. Weekends…You should be spending them with your own kids, doing whatever you want.”
“You haven’t taken anything from me. I give it, Nathan. I could tell you no. You realize that, right? When you ask me to watch Marley—I have a choice. I choose to be with her. You’re not taking anything from me when it comes to Marley. I love her.”
His breathing paused.
“I really do. You don’t see it?”
Nathan’s eyes closed briefly in bliss when my fingers pushed through the hair at the base of his neck.
“I see you with her, how you’ve always been with her.” He opened his eyes and looked at me then. “I didn’t know that’s what I was seeing. I should’ve though.”
“I want to be around her as much as I can. She’s impossible not to love.”
He watched me, saying nothing for seconds that felt more like minutes.
“Please,” I whispered. “Nathan…”
“I need to make sure I’m giving you something, Jenna. I can’t ever have you feel like I’m using you.”
