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I thought about how different Sadie became after that. Going from a woman who barely spent any time at home to one who hardly ever left the house. I remembered our conversation about her wanting to cut short her maternity leave.
“You were both workaholics,” Jenna concluded.
“Can we talk about something else?” I asked. She nodded immediately. “Sorry, I just…That’s basically the whole story anyway. There’s not much else to say about it.” That wasn’t entirely a lie. At least I’d given Jenna what she’d asked for.
“What do you want to talk about?” she said.
“You.” Her one visible cheek deepened in color with her flush. “Where did you go to school? I don’t think you ever told me.”
“I probably didn’t. I went to this little community college out in Denver. You wouldn’t know it.” Her gaze fell between us to a spot on the sheet. The corner of her mouth twitched.
“What are you thinking about right now?” I asked.
“I’m not thinking about anything.”
“And I’m not borderline obsessed with your rack.”
Jenna looked into my face and smiled. When my phone began to ring, she lifted her head and peered over at the nightstand. “Do you need to get that?”
I reached over and checked the caller. “It’s just my parents. I’ll call them back,” I said, hitting ignore. “They’re probably calling to talk to Marley anyway.” I settled against the pillow again. “Go ahead. Tell me what you were thinking.”
Jenna sighed, dropping her cheek against me. “I’m not sure I want to admit this, or if it’s even something I should think without anyone else knowing about it…”
“Well, now you absolutely have to tell me,” I said, pushing my frames up my nose. “I kept the glasses on for you, didn’t I?”
“Oh, I hadn’t realized your sight was something only I cared about.”
“Jenna.” I forced a serious tone. “Why are you such a liar?”
Her mouth dropped open. “How am I a liar?”
“You wanted me wearing my glasses because you like how I look in them. Your request had jack shit to do with my vision.”
I could see fine without my glasses, as long as I wasn’t trying to read something. She knew it too. I’d shared that information with Jenna before. And I knew exactly how she looked at me when I wore them, compared to when I didn’t. The difference was subtle, but it was there.
Jenna lifted her head and fought a smile. “I care very much about whether you can see properly. Even during intimate moments.”
“I was thinking about changing frames.”
“You better not.”
“No? Are you saying you prefer these? I thought it was all about my vision…” I grinned at her then.
She huffed out a breath and rolled her eyes. “Fine…but I do care about your sight, Nathan.”
“That’s sweet.”
“Thank you. It is, isn’t it? You’re welcome for that.”
We were both laughing now.
“Damn, you’re fun,” I said, stroking her cheek.
A warm look passed over her face. “So are you.”
“What were you thinking about before? You can tell me.”
Jenna bit her lip and shook her head.
“Come on…” I rubbed her side. “I want to know.”
Shit, I felt like I needed to know. Had any thought ever been this important?
“I wish you’d been the boy in my freshman psych class,” she blurted. Her eyes closed and pinched shut. “Um…yeah, I totally said that.”
I stared at her. I couldn’t blink. Breathe. I didn’t dare move.
“I just…I wish there was some way I could have everything I have right now.” She looked at me then. “And you could have everything you have, minus…I wouldn’t want the bad things too. I’d never want that…What I mean is, if there were a way it could’ve been you instead, but obviously I wouldn’t want to take away what you had with Sadie. That’s not what I mean.”
Jenna flinched and sat up, kneeling beside my hip. She quickly gathered the sheet in front of herself, tucking it underneath her arms and around her thighs so she was covered.
“See, this is why I didn’t want to admit this—I know exactly what I’m trying to say and it’s coming out all wrong…” She started rushing through the rest. “What I meant to say was, if there were a way to keep things how they are now, with the kids, but change how it happened…for me.” Her hand flattened to her chest. “Change it for me, not you. I don’t mean you, Nathan. I’m not saying—”
I jerked upright and kissed her.
Jenna moaned when our lips touched. Her breath was quick against my mouth. “I’m sorry…I know how that sounded. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Stop.” My hand slid from her cheek to the back of her neck. I guided her down to her side, pulling the sheet away and rolling Jenna onto her back.
She stared up at me, expecting me to say more, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t think to speak. My heart was pounding too loud. I could barely hear Jenna’s quiet begging voice when I began to kiss my way down her body, let alone the thoughts I was trying to grasp at.
