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I sighed. “You’re right. Fuck. This sucks.”
“We’ll figure it out,” she said in a tone that belied her uncertainty.
Forcing a smile on my face, I got up and wrapped my arms around her. “Sure we will, book girl.”
“Book girl?”
I grimaced. “Sounded cuter in my head.”
“It’s not the worst thing I’ve been called.” She let out a little chuckle and nestled into my embrace, pressing her cheek against my bare chest. Her eyelashes tickled my skin every time she blinked, and I touched my lips to the top of her head.
I reveled in the moment for a little longer, just appreciating the way it felt to finally hold her like this. Even though I knew the hardest part was ahead of us, maybe if we just figured it out between us, we could handle the rest together.
“Josh?”
“Yeah?”
“You know you’re never getting this t-shirt back, don’t you?”
I smiled, hugging her a little tighter. “I figured as much.”***The next morning brought little to no relief from my guilt.
It was unseasonably warm today, so after I had coffee, I went to the backyard and pulled my mower from the shed. The weather was definitely turning as we crept toward the end of September, and if I could get my lawn cut two more times before the snow inevitably set in, I’d be happy.
I set to my task. I didn’t have a massive yard, but I had a sizeable front one along with the back that was more than enough for just me. I hadn’t done a damn thing to either of them since I’d moved in earlier this year. Partly because I didn’t have time, but mostly because I had no idea what to do with them.
They were boring old hunks of grass.
Today, I was grateful for it. It didn’t require a tremendous amount of brain power to fire up the mower and walk around the flat, boring yard.
It did allow my brain to go into overload.
I’d never thought about something so much in life as I was about Kinsley and our new situation. We hadn’t spoken since she’d left last night except for me texting her goodnight and her telling me to shut up, she was reading.
I hadn’t expected anything else, to be honest.
Colton appearing last night out of the blue was a bit of a reality check. Yes, we’d crossed all the lines we had left to cross, but that didn’t mean we’d actually discussed where our relationship stood.
Or what the hell we were going to do now.
In theory, it was simple. We could pursue a real relationship and Colton would have to deal with it.
But if reality was as simple as a theory, we’d all be friends with aliens by now.
Kinsley and I both knew that wasn’t going to happen. We couldn’t just walk into Bronco’s holding hands and have everything be fine. There was a whole storm we had to weather, and that didn’t even include us.
Did I regret it?
No. How could I regret something that made me so happy? Even if we tried then failed, that was better than us never trying at all. A part of me—a big fucking part—wished I’d told her before all this shit happened, but the rest of me was happy it’d happened this way.
If I’d told her a year ago, would she have felt the same?
Was she only open to this because we’d spent a lot of time together lately? We’d hung out at her place, at the bookstore, at the bar. Hell, we’d even had dinner.
We’d never done any of that before.
Not alone, anyway.
I sighed and shut off the mower. I’d finished both yards, and now I had to deal with life outside my little bubble of a house.
I locked the shed and went back inside where I took a shower. It was quick and hot, and I scrubbed my body so hard I took off a good couple of layers of skin in my never-ending frustration.
I was almost thirty, for fucks sake.
Why was all of this even an issue?
Fucking stupid schoolboy crush.
I dressed in my room, tossed the towel in the laundry, and headed downstairs. I had nothing to do now that job was done, so I threw myself onto the sofa and turned on the TV. My phone was flashing with a message from its spot on the coffee table and I grabbed it to check.KINSLEY: Don’t tell ANYONE. I told Saylor and Holley the same story I told Colton.ME: Shit. I need to cancel that billboard.KINSLEY: Hardy har har.ME: Make sure you don’t hurt yourself laughing too hard.KINSLEY: At your jokes? Not likely.ME: Oh, how she wounds me.KINSLEY: Be quiet.KINSLEY: We need to talk about this.ME: Absolutely. Let’s do it. I’m free now.KINSLEY: I mean actually talk, Joshua, not have sex.ME: I see no reason why we can’t do both.
