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“I don’t know what you want me to say to you, Kins.” Josh ran his hand through his hair. “This is so fucked up.”
I dragged him a little further away to where we had more privacy. “Well, what do you want me to do? We agreed to keep this secret until we had it all worked out.”
“I know.” He averted his gaze. “Guilt is a shit thing.”
“You started this,” I reminded him. “When I went to leave your house, you’re the one who came after me.”
“Because feeling guilty doesn’t change how I feel about you.” His voice was low, and he met my eyes once again. “It doesn’t mean I regret what we’re doing or wish it would change, all right?”
“Then we tell him,” I said after a moment. “Tonight.”
Josh stared at me for a long moment. “Are you sure?”
“You can’t say all that and ask me if I’m sure. No, I’m not freaking sure, but you clearly need to clear the air for your sanity, so we have to tell him.”
“Fine. Tonight, then.”
I nodded.
Great.***Spoiler alert: we did not tell him.
We’d planned it out and everything. I would be the one to break the news, and we’d deal with it from there. Halfway through dinner, I chickened out and told Josh it was up to him.
He hadn’t said it, either.
So all our issues had been for nothing. We were back to square one.
Right now, I was at the bookstore picking out baby shower gifts for Ivy and Kai while Josh was at work with my brother. Saylor had been rearranging the new release table ready for tomorrow’s new release display, and Holley was taking stock in the non-fiction section.
My mind was whirling at one thousand miles an hour. It wasn’t like Josh was the only one keeping a secret from his best friend. Hell, Holley had walked in on us kissing in the storeroom and I hadn’t told her more.
She hadn’t asked, granted, but still. If he were anyone else, she and Say would know everything by now.
I really hated that I didn’t have anyone to talk to about this.
Well, I did, but Ivy had enough on her plate with her due date coming in a month or so. She didn’t need to be babysitting me.
Look, it wasn’t like I thought Holley or Saylor would tell anyone. In fact, I was absolutely certain that they wouldn’t, but that didn’t mean I felt like it was something I could talk about to them.
To say that I was in a relationship for the first time in four years, I was feeling pretty damn lonely.
Because of it.
I guess it was my own fault for getting feelings for someone I shouldn’t have.
I selected the final book I wanted and took them to the register to set them aside. Saylor had eventually decided on buying some baby clothes in the next sizes up, which had meant I could circle back to my original idea of baby books ready for this weekend.
I blew out a long breath and perched on the stool behind the register.
Saylor glanced over at me with a frown. “What’s up?”
“Tired,” I replied, fiddling with the magnet stand to straighten up a few that had been put in the wrong places. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”
She grunted. “I feel that. I was up all night.”
“Why?”
She waved a hand and sat on one of the armchairs by the window, slumping back into it. “I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks and ended it last night.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, Say.”
“Don’t be.” Her eyes sparked with anger. “He was a jerk. Turns out he had a girlfriend I didn’t know about until last night when I stumbled on them together at dinner.”
I winced. “Ouch.”
“Not as ouch as it was for him,” she said smugly. “When I say it turns out he had a girlfriend, I mean he had a girlfriend.”
“Oh no. What did you do?”
“Told her he’d been texting me pictures of his dick for the last six weeks and that he was clearly a master cheater, because he’d never once said her name when he slept with me. Then I told him he wasn’t a very good cheater if he couldn’t even make a girl come.”
“Ouch.”
“Not as ouch as when his now ex-girlfriend literally punched him in the face. Turns out she’s a kickboxer and that really hurt.”
“You made friends with her, didn’t you?”
“Yep,” she said brightly. “We mutually disparaged asshole men, said a prayer that his dick would rot, and got drunk.”
“You are the only person I know who could tell a girl you’d slept with her boyfriend and then make friends with her.”
“Hey, I had no idea. He lives in Creek Hill and she lives in Dartree Mountain. It’s not like we were sneaking around. I thought he was being nice by coming here to take me out.” She shrugged. “Technically, I wasn’t doing anything wrong.”
