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Well, I was wide awake now.
“You—you were going to kiss me? Why?”
“Why do you think? I was about to leave. I didn’t want to go without telling you how I felt.” His eyelashes cast long shadows over his cheeks as he blinked. “If you felt the same, great, we could figure something out. If you didn’t feel the same, then it didn’t matter. I was leaving anyway, and I figured we could just move on.”
The lump in my throat was huge. I could feel emotion building inside me, and it was torrent, a tornado, something that would absolutely burst from me if I didn’t leave right now and get it under control.
It’d all been for nothing.
All of it.
I’d lost my best friend over a stupid, stupid mistake.
All because I hadn’t wanted to listen to him.
I swallowed, but the lump didn’t disappear. It only grew bigger, and when the telltale sting of tears pricked the back of my eyes, I had no choice.
I couldn’t stay here right now.
I threw the covers off me and hauled my ass out of the bed, moving quickly to where my open case was lying by the window.
“Holley—”
Shaking my head, I grabbed a thick sweater and threw it over my head, then tugged on my Ugg boots. A room key was under the TV, and I slid it off the desk so I knew I could get back in.
“What are you doing?”
“I just—I can’t.” I held up my hands, and my entire body vibrated with the effort it took for me to not break down and let years of emotion loose. “I can’t… I need to process this. I’m taking a walk.”
“This didn’t work last time.”
I turned around and stared at him. “I know. Believe me, I know. But since we’re at a hotel and I have no way of leaving and nowhere else to sleep, it’s not like I’m going anywhere else.”
“I’ll—"
“Sebastian, what you don’t know is that the reason you kissing her hurt so much was because I was going to tell you that I had feelings for you.”
His eyes widened, flashing with surprise.
“So excuse me if I need a moment to figure out what the hell I just learned, because this is a mess.” I tapped the side of my head and, on that note, walked out of the room.
And the suite.
Right into the hall where nobody else was and it was silent and I was alone.
I walked, keeping my head down. And I walked and I walked and I walked, taking cases of stairs up and down and through corridors. I passed a gym and a sauna, a spa, and at least two restaurants and a bar.
I don’t know how long I walked for, but finally, I stopped. The wall in front of me was purely windows, and it looked like a huge upstairs lobby. Rustic leather sofas overlooked the windows, and I dropped down onto one, my gaze never leaving outside.
And finally, I cried.
Cried for my eighteen-year-old broken heart.
Cried for the loss of our friendship.
Cried for what could have been.
And cried because I was so, so fucking stupid.CHAPTER ELEVEN – SEBASTIANrule eleven: don’t break a girl’s heart before you need her to be your girlfriend.She’d had feelings for me.
I’d woken up a thousand times last night and that was the only fucking thought I’d had.
Holley had had feelings for me, too.
Shit.
This was a mess.
I rolled onto my back and looked at the other side of the bed. I’d woken up several minutes ago at the sound of the shower starting. I had no idea if she’d slept in the bed last night, but I was going to feel like a royal shit if she hadn’t.
I never should have told her.
Not last night. Not like that.
I should have waited until tonight when this was all over or, even better, tomorrow morning once the wedding was done and I was taking her to get her car.
I forced myself into sitting up and rubbed my eyes. They were blurry and full of sleep, and I yawned and stretched in an attempt to wake myself up fully.
The shower was still running at full speed, so I leaned over for the phone on Holley’s side of the bed and dialed for room service. After ordering us coffee and an array of breakfast things, I got up and put on a t-shirt.
That had been a point of contention for her last night, and I didn’t want to annoy her any further.
The shower water cut off as I sat back down. The wedding wasn’t until this afternoon, so there was plenty of time for us to talk over what I’d said last night.
At least I hoped we could.
We needed to clear the air. I didn’t begrudge her for the way she’d reacted back then—we were so young, and it wasn’t like I’d ever told anyone how I felt about her. There was nobody to back me up, and by the time there was, it was too late.
