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How stupid do I sound right now?
Something must be going on if he’s leaving his sister’s rehearsal dinner to answer a phone call from his ex-girlfriend.
Perhaps we shared the best of us while stranded, and that’s all I’ll ever have of Ryan St. James.Between having our hair and makeup done, getting dressed, helping Cami into her gown, then taking a thousand photos, I’m exhausted.
And even though I’m busy as hell, memories of Ryan fucking me all over the cabin still live rent free in my damn mind.
After he left to take Rachelle’s call, the rest of the evening felt off. I didn’t bother trying to speak to him again and kept my attention on Cami and the other bridesmaids.
Whatever we had at the cabin is long gone, and I need to accept it. I thought we shared more than just a physical connection, but apparently not. I won’t beg a man to be in my life.
If he wanted to be with me, he would be.
Period.
No matter what I tell myself, deep down I’m still obsessing over every moment we spent together. I had a sliver of hope that he’d make time for a relationship with me.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Eventually, we line up for the ceremony, and my breath catches when I see Ryan in his sleek black tux. Damn, of course he’d look amazing. When he notices me, his eyes scan down my body, and by the time they meet mine, he’s wearing a mischievous smirk.
“Wow, Kendall. You look beautiful,” he whispers as I stand next to him.
His words cause heat to meet my cheeks.
“Thank you,” I say, not returning the compliment even though he looks good enough to eat.
He gives me a strange look as if he’s just realized I’m not happy with him, but there’s no time to discuss it. Cami and her father walk up, and I focus on her, and how happy I am. Stephanie barks out orders and makes sure everyone’s ready.
As soon as it’s our turn, I loop my arm through Ryan’s and feel warm electricity streaming between us. I focus on the excitement of my best friend getting married to the love of her life.
The ceremony is gorgeous. By the time Eli and Cami exchange vows, there’s not a dry eye in the house. As soon as they’re pronounced husband and wife, Eli kisses his bride, then they walk down the aisle. Everyone’s cheering for the newly married couple, and we fall in line behind them.
I can’t stop wondering if Ryan’s getting back together with Rachelle. Self-doubt and insecurities flood in, and I think maybe I’m not good enough for him.
After the receiving line, the wedding party is summoned for photos. It’s two long hours of smiling for the camera and watching Eli and Cami be madly in love. The photographer does such a good job capturing their perfect love.
I avoid Ryan unless we’re forced to take pictures together, then I act like nothing’s wrong. When we’re apart, I stay with the other bridesmaids and chat.
We take a massive party bus to the reception, and I sulk in tequila shots to numb my thoughts. Next comes the champagne and dancing. Aside from my internal obsession with Ryan, the wedding is a blast.
Cami and Ryan have always been fun to be around, but their guests make it even better. Since money is no object, the St. James’ went all out on everything. Not to mention there’s enough liquor here to serve the entire city.
I manage to stay plenty busy with my maid of honor duties—making sure Cami eats, helping her to the bathroom, and giving my epic best friend speech. The alcohol flows through me, which definitely helps ease my frustrations. Maybe after a few more shots I’ll be able to find my no shits given attitude.
“Kendall, darling…you look lovely,” one of Cami’s aunts tells me. I’m drawing a blank on her name, but I smile and thank her. She mentions the weather, but I stop listening as soon as I see her.
What the hell is she doing here?
Rachelle.
Ryan leads her to the dance floor, and when she smiles up at him with lust in her eyes, my stomach drops.
Unable to watch them together any longer, I excuse myself from the conversation, and Cami finds me.
“What’s wrong?” she immediately asks.
“Your brother sucks,” I force a grin, nodding my head in their direction.
She looks over, and her eyes widen when she spots Ryan and Rachelle inches from each other on the dance floor.
“I don’t understand what the hell she’s doing here.” She groans, rolling her eyes.
“I had the same question,” I mutter, chugging back another glass of champagne.
“This is really weird…” She narrows her eyes, studying them.
“It is what it is.” I shrug, trying to act unbothered, but I’m certain she can see through it. “I’m gonna grab another drink. Can I get you anything?”
