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“You’re so beautiful,” he said, clearing hair from my face. I could see into him, read the adoration, the desire, the hurt in his eyes.
“It’s you,” I breathed. “You’re what I need, David. Make me whole again.”
He groaned and covered the sides of my face with his big hands. My mouth parted, and I sucked in a breath as I began to rock onto him. He touched the tip of his nose to mine, and I transferred every heartbeat from my mouth to his while he lapped them up greedily.
His hand slid behind my neck and stayed there, demanding my eyes on him. “Wrap yourself around me,” he said. I squeezed his shoulders and crossed my legs behind him. He gasped in a way that sounded almost pained when I undulated faster. “That’s it,” he panted. His hands fixed possessively over my hips and guided me onto him. Giving the control over to him drove me quickly to the edge.
I dropped my head into the crook of his neck. “Yes,” I breathed against him. Without thinking I bit his shoulder, and he let out a guttural groan. His hands jumped up to my waist, urging our bodies to meet faster as his fingers flexed into my skin.
“I can feel your body reacting,” he whispered fiercely with the tightening of my insides. “I can feel you getting close.”
I looked into his face and began to convulse. Everything I had been bottling released into my bloodstream, seeping into my bones, begging for an outlet. “David,” I cried with stuttered breaths, crushing his shoulders with my hands.
“I’m here, baby,” he responded, his own voice ragged and shallow. “Let go. I’m here.” Our fingers dug into each other at the same moment. Holding my gaze, he growled from his chest, and I bore down on him. His muscles tensed and contracted underneath my hands, and I watched, rapt, as he gave in. The raw pleasure in his face as he climaxed sent me flying over the edge. I came onto him with a body-wracking orgasm that shot waves from my core to the surface of my skin. As my body heated with bliss, I called out for only him. Months of simmering loneliness bubbled over, and I collapsed into his arms with unsolicited sobs.
He wrapped me up tightly as his shoulders heaved with deep breaths. “I’m here, baby, I’m here,” he repeated into my hair. “I’ve got you.”
I tangled my fingers in his chest hair and released the pain the only way I could: all at once and with unstoppable force. His hands stroked my back, my hair, but his clutch never loosened. His arms easily engulfed me, and though I was in pain, I’d never felt safer than curled into his embrace.
“I’m so sorry,” I said finally, when I’d caught my breath.
He let the words hang for a moment. “Never apologize,” he responded, rocking me against him. “Do you hear me? How can you apologize for that?”
“Oh, David,” I moaned into his skin. He rested his forehead against my sternum, rubbing the still-tingling skin of my back. “What are we going to do?” I asked in a rush of breath. I wasn’t sure if he heard, because he never responded.
Eventually, he rolled us both to set me on my back. He disconnected from me, tossed the condom aside and propped his head above mine with his hand. His fingers played with my hair, pushing it back on to the pillow as he looked down at me.
“I don’t always cry after sex,” I said, an empty attempt at humor. “Just with you apparently.”
“You can’t help your reaction.”
I studied the man above me, still in disbelief that he was, in fact, above me. He concentrated on my hair, raking his hands through the tangles as best he could. “I wish I could help it,” I said.
“Why? Just let go. You don’t need to manage yourself with me.”
I sighed and dropped my gaze. “With you, I have no control.”
“I told you before, I like you this way. Unguarded. Undone.” I bathed in his adoration; his fingers in my hair, his sweet but fleeting words. Already, the guilt was building inside of me, demanding my acknowledgment, trying to break the moment. As if he were listening to my thoughts, he said softly, “I want to take all your sadness away.”
My chin quivered, and I pressed my fingertips to my eyes to stem any more tears. It’s been so hard, David.
“I know,” he said. He encircled my wrists and carefully pulled my hands from my face. “I know.”
I blinked up at him. Had I said it aloud?
He placed a hand on the base of my neck and kissed me, claiming me with that one gesture. “Baby, I can’t fix it if you won’t let me.” His eyes searched mine, and I looked away.
“Don’t turn away from me.”
“I can’t,” I whispered. “It’s too much.” I went to sit up, but his hand on my chest pushed me back into the pillow.
“I said don’t turn away. Look at me.”
My jaw clenched; in that moment, I wasn’t strong enough to keep the hurt off my face, and I didn’t want him to see it. But his hand slid up to my chin, and he turned me to him. His expression was stern, but there was concern in his eyes. “I want to make it better.”
With my face still secure in his grip, I said, “You can’t. You can’t fix it. This can never be anything but broken.”
“To hear you say that . . . It kills me.”
“But it’s true. We’re headed for disaster. Even if I walk away right now, too much has happened already.”
His brows dipped. “Are you going to walk away?”
My chin was quivering again, and he rubbed it with his thumb. “How can I?” I whispered. “How can I not?”
“These have been the longest months of my life.”
“For me too,” I said in a breath.
“I don’t think I could give you up again.”
“But you have to. We’re all going to get hurt.”
“I’ll do whatever it takes so that you don’t.”
His hand slid down my sternum, but I held his gaze. “Even if it means letting me go?”
He cleared his throat and looked up at the headboard. His answer sounded far off, as if from a distance. “Would that make it better?”
“It’s just too late,” I said, unwelcome tears spilling from the corners of my eyes. “I did this to myself. But I don’t know how to make it stop. It – it hurts to be away from you.”
His face folded, and he cupped my cheek. “So don’t be away from me.”
I curled under the shelter of his broad shoulders, hiding my face from him. “You don’t know what you’re saying,” I said, holding back more tears with everything I had.
“I know exactly what I’m saying.”
“No,” I said resolutely, clutching the pillow. But it hurts so much.
He enclosed around my quaking shoulders, littering my hair with kisses until I slept.
CHAPTER 15
I WOKE ABRUPTLY and shot upright. I was in the very big bed, and the breathtaking city sprawled around me, but I didn’t care because I was alone. I eased out of the bed and stood slowly. Had it not been for my surroundings, I would have sworn it was all a vivid dream. I slipped into an oversized terrycloth robe and slid open the door to the deck.
Hanging my toes over the edge of the pool, I watched David complete a lap. He whipped his hair off his face to look up at me. “Did I wake you?” he asked from below. “I couldn’t sleep.”
“No.” I shook my head dreamily. Steam spiraled upward from the water; I was dizzy just from the way his wet, glistening body was backlit by the glowing pool.
“Why are you smiling at me like that?” he asked.
I sat and dipped my feet in the warm water. I reached out and pushed his wet hair from his forehead. He moved between my knees and slid his hands down my calves to shackle my ankles. Leaning back on my palms, I closed my eyes at the feeling of his skin against mine. Our rooftop was completely silent, and I just heard the splash of water as he brought his hands back up, gliding them along my thighs and underneath my robe.
My breath quickened as he untied it and grasped my waist. He slid me to the edge with ease. His head buried in my lap while I fingered his dripping, inky hair. He eased my thighs
apart to nuzzle me. I bit down on my lip when I felt his breath, soft and tantalizing.
With his first firm lick, my arms buckled. He tasted me slowly, stopping now and then to suck and kiss. With an ankle in each hand, he bent my knees so my feet curled over the edge. His arms wrapped around my hips, securing me to him. When his nose nudged into my clit, I jerked against his firm hold. He inserted and spread two fingers to open me wider. His tongue probed inside of me with more pressure, and my legs began to shake.
At some point I’d fallen onto the concrete and was now clenching the lip of the pool with tense arms. With his mouth working its magic and his thumb on my clit, he coaxed me into rippling, full-body orgasm that had my back bowing off the ground and my throat surrendering to loud moans.
As I lay limp, he pulled my arms from the robe and lifted me. He slid me down his body and into the pool until I was submerged. I resurfaced dripping wet. His hand touched my face, holding me steady for a deep, penetrating kiss. The cold night air and heated pool were a heady mix that had my head spinning.
