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With the three of them in the same room for the first time in years, divorce weighed heavily on my mind. I couldn’t ignore the ugly statistics about marriage, but I figured Bill and I made sense, and we’d thought things through. I wouldn’t be my mother; I wouldn’t drive my husband away with fits of jealousy as she had. Bill would never leave me anyway, partly because he’d wanted this for so long. He was just as opposed to divorce as I was, the product of a Catholic upbringing.
Gretchen’s brother John was the only person who asked me, after the ceremony, if I was okay. He said like my dad, I was unusually calm, and I told him it was our way of dealing with nerves.
‘But why?’ he had asked. ‘Why nerves now? The deed is done.’
So it was, and so I’d made some joke about wedding night jitters, but it had come out flat. Then Gretchen appeared, beautiful as the maid of honor, and I forgot John’s comment until many years later.
We were tired at the end of the night, but we made love anyway. I thought perhaps we should have slept instead, as it was quick and uninspired. No, becoming his wife had not magically turned my body into a hotbed of exposed nerves as I’d naïvely hoped. I had thought that maybe the security and finality of the event would allow my body and my mind to relax. I fell asleep satisfied but not sated.
I was surprised to see I’d written through my entire lunch break. A text from Gretchen drew me back to reality.
Nov 14, 2012 1:04 PM
Did you hear back from Dani?
Nov 14, 2012 1:05 PM
No. Think she’s avoiding me…?
Nov 14, 2012 1:07 PM
She’ll be at Gilt Bar tonight in River N. I’m thinking we accidentally show up.
I twisted my lips as I thought. Hearing Dani’s side of the story was more than tempting. And since she was likely avoiding my calls, I didn’t think a surprise visit was such a bad idea.
CHAPTER 14
RIHANNA BLARED from the living room. Gretchen and I sat cross-legged in front of her mirrored closet applying makeup. I flashed back to the times Gretchen would visit Lucy and me in college, and we would plan for a night out at the clubs. I hadn’t gotten ready with my girlfriends since Bill and I moved in together. The only thing missing was Lucy seated to my left.
“Vodka and soda all right?” Bethany yelled from the doorway, and we each gave her a thumbs up.
“Lucy’s not going to be there, right?” I asked Gretchen.
“Nope. Dani is in town for a work conference or something. Lucy just mentioned it in passing, and I pretended not to care.”
“Good. I don’t want to involve her.”
“I take it you haven’t heard from Lucy then.”
I shook my head and blotted my lip gloss on a piece of tissue. “I’m trying to give her some space.” I couldn’t tell if Gretchen looked worried, or if it was just the expression she was making to apply eyeliner. “Why?” I asked. “Did she say something to you?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it though. Like I said . . . time.”
When Bethany handed us our drinks, I took a sip and made a face. “Can I get some soda with my vodka?”
She laughed sharply as she skipped out of the room.
“I was serious,” I mumbled.
“Well, if you end up single after all this, you’re gonna have to learn how to hang again,” Gretchen teased.
Single? My journal entry had had the effect I was looking for: a reminder of Bill and me before all this began. It didn’t lessen what I felt for David, but I didn’t think anything ever would. Was the reminder enough to tempt me back to the even, steady life Bill could offer me though?
“Wow, I’m kidding,” she said, examining my face. “You’re not single. When you have a man like David, never let him go. And certainly don’t drive him away, Liv. We’ll see what Dani says tonight, but if it’s what I think, you’d better go running back to David.”
I nodded and looked at the carpet. “Sometimes it seems too good to be true,” I muttered.
“Don’t worry so much. You have to learn to go with the flow. It’ll all work out.”
I heaved a deep sigh and looked at her. Then I took a big gulp of my potent drink, and she smiled from ear to ear.
“Atta girl!” she praised.
~
We were women on a mission. Ava and Bethany were happy to offer their services, so the four of us descended upon Gilt Bar in full detective mode. After scanning the restaurant, we made our way downstairs and headed directly to the bar. Without my help, the three of them procured us a free round of drinks and we turned in unison, leaning our elbows against the bar.
“No, this is too obvious,” I said. “We look crazy.”
We pivoted and formed a circle instead, swaying slightly to the beat of the music. As we chatted, I checked my phone slyly, even though I knew there’d be nothing. Not hearing from David sucked, and it wasn’t like him. I wasn’t sure if he was angry, and I wasn’t sure if he had a right to be. I still didn’t know what I was doing either. Was I driving him away? Somewhere inside, was that what I wanted – to drive him away before he could hurt me?
I fleetingly wondered if he was all right, if maybe I should check on him. I could just send him a quick text –
“There she is,” Bethany hissed before I could complete the thought.
“Where?” Gretchen’s spine straightened, and her eyes darted around the dark space. “That’s not her!” she cried.
“No, behind that one. Short purple dress.”
“Oh,” we all said in unison.
She was with a large group of people who had just walked in and was laughing with another woman. I blinked slowly as I reunited with my new friend Jealousy. Danielle. Brown hair, green eyes. Nice figure. Did he sleep with her? The thought of him touching her had my blood simmering. I gritted my teeth as I tried to block the image of the big hands I loved so much sliding over her satin violet dress, dragging the zipper down . . .
“Liv!” Gretchen squealed, and everyone jumped back.
“Shit!” My feet were wet, my hand empty, and broken glass crunched under our feet. “There goes my free drink,” I said, pouting.
When I looked up again, Dani was glaring in our direction. My heart stopped as her green eyes bored into me from across the room. She looked between all of us and then whispered something into her friend’s ear. I watched, red-faced, as her friend turned to look at us. Her mouth moved, and they started laughing.
I cursed again under my breath and grabbed a napkin, blotting the front of the dress I was borrowing from Gretchen.
“She looks pissed,” Ava observed, and I shot her an annoyed look. “Just sayin’.”
I turned my back to everyone to gather my thoughts. There was just one thing I needed to figure out. She had one piece of vital information as to whether or not I could move forward with David. I smiled to myself, wishing he would magically walk in the door at that moment. I removed my phone to write the text I had meant to send a few minutes earlier but stopped myself. It wasn’t fair to him until I had the answers we both needed. And what if she confirmed Bill’s story? Then the text would be out there, something I couldn’t take back.
I went
back to the bar and bought myself a new drink. Liquid courage and all that. I instructed the group to hang back, because I didn’t want Dani to think we were ganging up on her.
I made a beeline for her, cleared my throat and tapped on her shoulder. “Dani?”
She turned, and her face tightened. “What?”
“I was hoping we could talk.”
“I’m good,” she said, twisting back around.
“Dani,” I pleaded.
She gave me an exasperated look. “What, Liv?”
“I’m sorry that things didn’t work out for you and David, especially if I had anything to do with it.”
“Obviously you did. Things were going great between me and him.”
“Okay, well, I’m sorry that you got hurt.”
“Shouldn’t you be apologizing to your husband?” she asked. Her friend snickered into her hand, and I shot the back of her head a look.
“That’s between Bill and me.”
“I’ve seen Bill, you know. He’s at Andrew and Lucy’s all the time. He’s devastated.”
“I’m aware.”
“Whatever. Is that it?” She arched a manicured eyebrow at me.
“No,” I said, heaving a deep sigh. “I have to ask you something, but it’s sort of . . . private,” I said, glancing at the friend.
“Go ahead.”
I swallowed dryly. “I saw Bill this morning. He seems to think that you and David slept together. David denies it. So did you?”
Her shoulders tensed. “This really isn’t my business.”
“I know, and I’m sorry to drag you in. It’s just that I need to know.”
“If you can’t trust David, why are you even doing all of this for him?”
I gritted my teeth. “Please, just answer the question.”
She looked around nervously, and I held my breath as I waited. Finally, she said, “I really don’t want to get in the middle, Liv.”
“Is that a yes?”
