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“I wasn’t taking any chances, kiddo. I had to be sure you were ready. And I had to know I could bring her around my girl.”
I searched his face. “You didn’t marry her until I left for college. She waited all that time for you?”
“Yes.”
“You kept a lot from me,” I stated, not exactly sure if I was angry or not.
“It was to protect you.”
I nodded mechanically, letting the information filter in. It was clear by his tone that he believed he’d done the right thing, but he looked hurt. It struck me deep inside, cutting through everything I’d just heard. Nothing was worse than seeing my dad in pain . . . something, I was realizing, that was also true of David.
“You still love Gina, don’t you?” I asked.
“Yes. And I miss her. But that’s not always enough.”
“Do you regret it?” I rushed out.
“Regret what?”
“All of it. Any of it. Mom, me, Gina. If you knew back then that you’d be sitting here now in this moment, would you do it again?”
“What the hell kind of question is that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why would I regret it? What’s going on with you?”
“I just . . .” I paused, glancing up at the ceiling to blink back tears. “I’m afraid of getting hurt. I’ve never felt anything like this before. What if one day David changes his mind and leaves?”
He slid his chair over to mine and put his arm around me. “Don’t be so hard on yourself, huh? I don’t regret a goddamn single thing. I would love and lose Gina again in a heartbeat, because we’re both better people for it. She gave me something so beautiful, I could never regret it. And your mother gave me you, among many other things. Every decision I made was right at the time, and I can’t say that any of them turned out badly.”
I looked up at him through tear-blurry eyes and let him hold me. His words, as they always had, reassured me like nothing else could. “Thanks, Dad. Can we go home now?”
“Check!” he yelled across the restaurant. “Of course, kiddo.”
~
The early flight and news of my dad’s affair had me wrecked, so I we
nt straight upstairs for my childhood bed after lunch. I tried to wrap my head around everything I’d just learned, but the shock was still reverberating in me. He’d survived what I was going through. And he didn’t regret it. But he was strong, I reasoned. I wasn’t.
I’d always thought that keeping others out was the same thing as strength. It made me pragmatic, unemotional. But I was quickly learning that it meant the opposite; that I was that way because I wasn’t strong enough to handle the pain that true love opened me to.
Later, I woke groggily from a deep nap. I’d wasted almost a whole day sleeping. As I headed downstairs to find my dad, I turned my phone back on, and it vibrated with messages. Two voicemails from David, one from Gretchen and a missed text from her asking why I wasn’t picking up my phone.
I yawned and fell into a kitchen chair to listen to David’s messages. My heart skipped knowing that I would get to hear his voice but before I could, there was a knock at the door.
“Dad,” I called to no response. I groaned and padded sleepily to the door. When I pulled it open, my heart went from a skip to a leap.
CHAPTER 17
MY VOICE SOUNDED FOREIGN, high-pitched with surprise when I said David’s name. “What are you doing here?” I asked.
David nodded at my phone, which I was clutching. “I’m beginning to wonder why I even got you that thing.”
“Er, I’m, um, I was sleeping . . . Sorry, what are you doing here?” I asked again.
“Our conversation can’t wait. When you didn’t pick up your phone, I called Gretchen. If not for her I’d be wandering around the streets of Dallas by myself.”
I gaped at him a moment before giving into a big smile. “You flew all the way here to talk? Couldn’t you have called?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “No. We’re doing this in person.”
“You’re kind of persistent, aren’t you?” I teased.
His pursed his lips. “You have time?”
“Yes, of course, come in.” I moved aside.
He took a tentative step through the door. “Where’s your dad?”
“He’s here. Where’s your stuff?”
“A hotel.”
“Oh.” I clutched my heart. “You shouldn’t have done that. You can stay here.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“You won’t. Alex?” I asked.
His face lit up in a way that tugged at my heart, and he finally grinned. “He’s a trooper. In recovery and doing great.”
“Can I get you anything?”
He crossed his arms. The smile faded. “Talk first, okay?”
I nodded just as my dad started down the stairs. “Who is it?”
Before I could answer, David stuck out his hand. “Hello, Mr. Germaine. I’m Olivia’s boyfriend, David Dylan.”
“I see.” They exchanged a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you, David.”
“You too, sir.”
“I understood you weren’t going to make it this weekend.”
“We have some unfinished business that can’t wait,” David said.
“I think you might be right about that,” Dad said, shooting me a glance. “Come on in.”
I looked down at my childish pink and white plaid pajamas from high school and cursed to myself. “Do you – is it all right if I go change?” I asked, looking between the two of them.
