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I crossed the kitchen and placed my hands on his chest. “I trust you. I’d be more concerned if you didn’t lose yourself in me and frankly, it hurts that you want to be away from me.”
He set down his mug. His hands slid under my hair and clasped around my neck. “You know I don’t want that. But the only thing I want more than to be with you is to know that you’re safe.”
“So why do you have to go away?”
“Like I said, things in New York are slipping. Why don’t you meet me on Friday?”
“Maybe I will,” I said.
“Fine.”
I pressed my lips together and stepped back. “Fine.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’ll get something to eat at work.”
“Olivia,” he commanded, but I ignored him and headed for the shower.
The drive to work was predictably quiet as I agonized over what this could do to us. If he tried to throw cold water on our sex life, where would that leave us? When he pulled up to the curb, I kept my eyes down on my hands.
“So should I book you a ticket to New York?”
I shrugged.
He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Come on,” he said softly. “I know you’re upset, but I need a better send off than that.”
I tore my gaze from my lap and looked at him. “I want to go to Miami.”
“What?”
“If you want to throw away your ticket, that’s fine, but I don’t see why I should have to.”
He sighed. “Why would you want to go without me?”
“Because I was looking forward to it, and everyone else is going and . . . and it wouldn’t be fair to Gretchen if I ditched her.” And because I know you won’t want me to go without you.
“Olivia, be reasonable. Don’t just go because you’re upset with me.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. You’re picking a fight with me.”
“Am not.”
“Look, I don’t like the idea of you going by yourself.”
“I’m not by – ”
“Don’t test me.”
Don’t test me . . . It was turning out to be his favorite thing to say, and incidentally, something that pissed me off. “You can’t order me around, David. I’m supposed to be your partner, not your plaything.”
He looked hurt. “I know that. Listen, I will take you to Miami whenever you want, but – ”
“That’s not the point,” I said.
“Precisely. You don’t even care about going, you just want to defy me.”
“Defy you?” I gaped. “Are you my father? My babysitter?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. The point is, because I need time to think and because I must work, I can’t be there this weekend. I don’t want you going.”
“Aha,” I said. “You need time to think. You always tell me not to run away, but that’s exactly what you’re doing. This sex thing is something we need to work out together.”
“Your safety is not up for discussion,” he said.
I huffed in my seat. “This is so . . .” I clenched my jaw and undid my seatbelt, fumbling for the handle.
“Hang on, Olivia.”
“No,” I said and slammed the door before he could convince me otherwise.
I flew by Jenny’s desk and threw my things on the couch. How dare he? Does he think he can just order me around? I sat in my chair and pulled up my e-mail, searching for the itinerary. I scanned it and noted that my ticket was in my name. I’m going, and he can go cry about it.
~
With every passing hour that I didn’t hear from David, I gradually admitted to myself that I had intentionally pushed his buttons. There was no part of me that wanted to go to Florida without him, yet I had insisted anyway like a sulky child. I sighed at my computer screen.
We were both wrong. He was running away from something he had convinced himself was a problem, and I hadn’t handled it well. Fighting with David was my least favorite pastime, so I broke down and sent him a text.
Nov 21, 2012 11:01 AM
Can we talk? I’ll come over for lunch. Been thinking lots. xo
I felt instantly better as I went back to work. But when I still hadn’t heard from him by lunchtime, I became irritated. Was he ignoring me now? I wondered what the rule was on surprising him at work and decided to find out.
When I arrived, his door was open, but there was no sign that anyone had been there recently. I assumed everyone was at lunch since the receptionist was also gone and Arnaud’s door was shut. I pulled out my phone and texted him again.
Nov 21, 2012 12:28 PM
At your office. If you’re in the building, come up
“Hello, Olivia.”
“Oh,” I cried. “You scared me, Arnaud.”
“I apologize.”
“Have you seen David?”
