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Texted Emily to send me another life.
Stupidly sent her a selfie of me wearing Chanel.
Now I’m waiting for her response.
I get the middle finger emoji.
And no life for Toy Blast.
So, so jealous.
I glance at the clock and realize “forever” has only been a few hours. It feels like longer because, though he’s only feet from me, I can’t see Jake. And I miss him. I miss his face. Mouth. Lips. Humor. I even miss his anger. And when I think about him, I get the sensation that I’m high.
Not high on pot, though. The few times I’ve done that, I just thought about stupid things like how numbers tasted. And whether it was the s or the c that was silent in the word scent. By the way, I still haven’t figured that out.
Yeah. This definitely doesn’t feel like I’m high on pot. It’s more like I’m high on meth.
Not that I’ve done meth. But I hear it heightens your senses. Causes you to run really fast. Makes you never want to sleep again.
Maybe that’s vampire venom….
Whatever.
Bottom line?
I’m falling for Jake Swagger.
He dominates my mind, my body and my heart.
My blood tickles when I think about him.
My nipples harden with every sore step I take.
My pulse speeds at the smell of him that’s everywhere.
Last night, I was convinced I was falling in love. Today, I’ve decided to reevaluate the situation, considering I’m not under the influence of a post coital, mind numbing orgasm. And because I’m bored and have ten minutes until I generate a life on Toy Blast.
So, is it lust or is it love?
Lust is where it’s at. Lust intensifies the moment. Amplifies the experience. Creates a sexual attraction that leads to a sexual encounter that leaves you walking funny while simultaneously anticipating the next time he bottoms out inside you. But lust is also something you can walk away from. Something you can smile about if you want to remember. Or something you can choose to forget.
Love?
Give your heart to someone and you’ll regret it. Be it today, tomorrow or one hundred years from now, you will one day feel the downside. Nothing that great comes without repercussions. Which is exactly why love is so powerful.
If I had a choice, I’d choose lust. Problem is, it’s not that easy. This isn’t multiple choice. I don’t get to choose anything. My heart gets that honor. And that stupid bitch has done nothing but make bad decisions since she tried to burst out of my chest at the sight of Eddie Smith stripping down to a cape and a pair of Ninja Turtle underwear during my sixth birthday party.
If only my heart were as smart as my vagina.
To hell with my heart.
My mind is made up.
It is lust that I feel.
Lust doesn’t result in loss.
Only rewards.
There is no reward when it comes to love.
Love will cripple you.
Then again, fucking Jake Swagger will also cripple you.
So really…what the hell do I know?Chapter NineteenIt’s one o’clock in the afternoon before Jake and Jim finally emerge from the office.
They’re laughing.
I’m hungry again.
I’m also entranced by the deep rumble of Jake’s magnificent laugh. And the ripple of muscles beneath his shirt as he shakes Jim’s hand. And the way his jeans hug him in all the right places. And how I want to lick all those right places.
Someone whistles. Snaps. “Hello…Penelope….” I jerk my eyes up to Jake’s. Funny how my brain just stops functioning when I look at his crotch.
“Hello, Jake.” I look for Jim but he’s not here. And the idea that we’re alone—again—excites the hell out of me.
“Where’s your head at, gorgeous?”
I can’t believe he just called me gorgeous. Sober. With his cock still in his pants.
I’m getting to him.
“My head is…everywhere. Are y’all finished? Did you do it? Are the Canton’s rich as fuck? Are you the proud owner of some special contraption that waters crops?”
Jake’s arms flail in the air. He kicks a leg out. Makes a strange face. Cuts his eyes from me, to his right, then back to me. It’s quite entertaining and really confusing. Then he whisper-shouts at me and I get it. “Shut the fuck up! He’s still here.”
“Hell, I didn’t know!” I whisper-shout back.
A door opens behind me and Jake shoots me a quick glare of warning before he plasters on his signature, Swagger smile. I roll my eyes, but soon my smile matches Jake’s as Jim walks up.
While they discuss a few details about some shit I’m not interested in, I take Jake’s cell out of his hand to order some more Uber Eats. This app is awesome. And they’ll go anywhere. Even halfway across town to get some of that pizza I had the first night I was here.
I’ve just placed the order when Jake tosses an arm casually over my shoulders to get my attention. I slip his phone in his back pocket and my arm around his waist as I pretend to care about what he says rather than obsess over the pizza that will be here in thirty minutes. “The AFA has lifted the flight ban, so Jim will be returning home this afternoon.”
