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Tears prick in the back of my eyes and I avoid meeting his gaze. “Let me go, Tim, this is over.”
“No, I didn’t know that I had such a big responsibility. I didn’t know that I was your first kiss and I wasn’t good enough. I was an asshole after as well, which I always seem to be. I can’t seem to make a step right. I want to kiss you again to make it right this time around. I don’t want an audience; I want to be better.”
My head wants me to tug away sharply and to be on my way before this whole situation can hurt me more, but my irrational heart has the fear that this might be my only chance to let loose and have any fun before my mother controls my life all over again and no one ever wants to kiss me. I mean, no other guy is going to show this kind of interest in me, is he? And especially not someone as good looking as Tim. It isn’t really a great argument, especially not for someone who is supposed to have a sharp lawyer brain, but it’s the side of me that seems to be winning out anyway. I turn and face him, my heart pounding in my throat.
He looks like he’s sorry, that’s the first thing to strike me, and like he wants to make things right with me once more. The only problem is nothing will ever be right, will it? It’s impossible for me to get the romantic dream that I want out of this moment. It can’t happen, it’s impossible, the only thing that I can hope for is this little moment living in my fantasy to sustain me forever. A little memory to make me happy.
“I’m sorry that I go with the flow without thinking,” he murmurs quietly before resting his for head against mine and staring sweetly in to my eyes. “I should be more careful, you’re right.”
“No, it’s me.” I sigh loudly. “I’m too tightly wound. I should relax a little more. This isn’t your fault.”
“It is. I know it is. You have shown me that I need to be more careful and…”
“I know that I need to chill out some more…”
We talk quickly at the same time, neither of us making much sense at all, before we both burst out in to laughter. It feels nice to laugh with Tim, I much prefer it to yelling at him, and to be honest this is more of the way that we should separate. After everything that we have been through, and seemingly taught one another as well, this is more of a fitting goodbye. My second kiss, a kiss to sustain me forever.
“My first kiss wasn’t bad anyway,” I reassure him in a whisper. “Aside from the cat calling. You were great.”
He might as well know that he was amazing, I don’t want him to feel dreadful about what happened because when everything went wrong it was nothing to do with him. His lips curl up in to an adorable looking smile before the world goes black and he connects us once more. His lips graze mine and he sends me to heaven all over again.
Yep, this kissing is magical, it’s wonderful, and this time around I have a feeling that it’s more to do with Tim than just kissing in general. He is the one who’s making it incredible, he’s the one who’s got my heart racing, that has my whole world turned upside down. I grab on to his tee shirt and tug him closer to me, not wanting to let him go. Probably not ever at this rate. And I have to admit that because I’m a little more relaxed this time and I was expecting it, because I know a little more of what is to come, it feels even better. I like it even more. I just wish that I could keep Tim Wilson with me so I could kiss him whenever I wanted.
I have dipped my toe in the fantasy and now I want it to be reality. I am in a terrible mess here. What am I going to do?Chapter 11 – TimAs we pull apart once more, I don’t know what to expect. It could be more yelling, Kayla could run off again, or maybe I will be faced with something different. I’m anxious to find out. My fingers are crossed for something more positive this time around. I would hate to be something that Kayla regrets forever.
I haven’t ever been someone’s first kiss before. Even my first kiss was with someone much more experienced than I was, and it feels like a big pressure. Especially since Kayla isn’t an awkward teenager looking for a fumble to get her first time over and done with. She’s older, she’s probably been waiting for something special, for someone to sweep her off her feet and to take her towards a happy ever after. Not me.
