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What if that’s all he’s willing to give?
Chapter Twenty
Annabel
I wake with a start.
Sunlight, thin but there, streams through the windows on either side of the fireplace.
My heart takes a nosedive.
Ohmygod ohmygod, my baby, is she dead?
Grabbing the monitor off my bedside table, I see that Maisie is snoozing away in her crib. Like the disbelieving idiot I am, I give the monitor a shake. It must be broken. There’s no way this kid is still sleeping at—I check my phone—6:17 AM.
I leap out of bed and burst into Maisie’s room, breathless, only to see that she is indeed in her crib, and that she is indeed breathing and still asleep.
My boobs smart, reminding me that I haven’t nursed her since ten last night. What do I do? Should I wake her? Leave her and pump?
A whole new dilemma.
But hell, I’ll take it. I just slept for longer than four hours straight for the first time in more than four months. Longer, if you count the last weeks of pregnancy when I wasn’t sleeping all that much either.
Ducking into Mom’s room, I confirm that Maisie didn’t wake up once during the night.
I don’t feel like death as I sip my coffee while pumping on the couch.
In fact, I feel pretty damn great. Relatively speaking. Months of sleep deprivation aren’t going to be cured by one night of solid sleep, but it’s a start.
Checking in with work, I shoot a few quick messages to our HR guy and my boss, Matt. Everything’s looking good for my return in April.
I confirm an appointment with my therapist for tomorrow afternoon.
I finish my coffee when it’s still hot. I even get to poop in peace.
Best. Morning. Ever.
The cherry on top? The way my body is still ringing with the memory of last night’s kiss.
I’m not sure where that kiss leaves us, but I am sure I want a repeat of yesterday. All of it. The laughter, the food, and yes, the kiss.
As I laid in bed last night struggling to fall asleep, I thought about what sex would be like with Beau. And I decided that, even though I want more than just a hookup from Beau, maybe it’s a good thing to have my first time post-baby with someone I can trust. Someone I know inside and out, who won’t judge me for being a little awkward and a lot scared.
Still waiting on Maisie to wake up, I grab my phone and call my girlfriends back in Charlotte to catch up. Mandy fills me in on the gossip from the floor and assures me that I’ll get longer stretches of sleep in the near future. Shannon also had a baby last year, her second, and we commiserate on how hard motherhood can be while promising to make plans for a coffee date when I get back. Makes me miss Charlotte a little. When was the last time I sat down to talk to my girlfriends? Probably when they brought over food right after Maisie was born.
Whatever the case, chatting with them felt normal. Like we picked up right where we left off. And they seemed to be back to normal after having babies, too, which gives me hope. That might be me soon. Happy. Thriving.
After I hang up, I see that Beau’s texted me.
Beau: Morning. Still feeling full, I hope?
I smile at the reference.
Annabel: I am. Also, I have amazing fucking news.
Beau: What’s that?
Annabel: MAISIE IS STILL SLEEPING
Annabel: WHICH MEANS SHE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT
Beau: [GIF of Brad Pitt dancing with his arms above his head]
Beau: How great do YOU feel this morning?
Annabel: Like a whole new woman.
Beau: Let’s celebrate. How about we give your mama the night off so she can hang out with her fly guy? I’ll come over with some food and a lot of mocktails, and we can hang with Maisie. Just the three of us.
Annabel: Fly guy. Ha.
Beau: If you’re reading between the lines, then yes, I most certainly am offering to put Lizzie up in her own suite at the main house tonight. So we can…and they can…
My heart skips a beat, and my insides clench at the idea of having Beau, and the house, all to myself. Especially if Maisie sleeps like she did last night.
My phone somehow slithers out of my shaking hands, landing on the floor with a clap. I freeze. A beat later, the baby starts to cry.
I quickly type out a reply before setting down my phone to dash upstairs.
Annabel: Pls no more references to my mom doing it, happy as I am for her. Also, where can I get lube around here?
Heading upstairs, I wait for the dread that I usually feel when Maisie wakes up.
But today, I actually feel…carefully optimistic? Beau’s words—you got this—keep popping up in my head.
Right now, I do feel like I have this motherhood thing down. Sort of. That can change literally in the blink of an eye, but all of a sudden—no, actually, it’s been a lifetime since I had a decent night’s sleep—my baby gave me a break.
