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“Of course. Sorry. I just—I don’t know what it is about Blue Mountain, but it’s so easy to get carried away up here, isn’t it?”
An understatement if there ever were one.
“I know what you mean,” I say. “Must be something in the water.”
Mom blinks, waking up from her Robert Redford stupor, and glances around. “Where’s Beau?”
“He left earlier this morning.” I look down at my glass. “We both had things to do, so…”
“How’d it go? I bet the picnic he brought over was divine.”
Ugh, there’s that lump in my throat again. “It was great. We had a great time.”
Mom’s smile fades, and her brow creases. “Is all not well in paradise?”
How to explain that we had paradise all night and then again all morning?
We had it, agreeing that I’d stay at the resort for much longer than I initially planned, until Beau took me to his childhood home. He clammed up after that and hightailed it back to his place, making some bullshit excuse about helping Milly with a big celebrity wedding she’s doing.
If there’s anything I know about Milly, it’s that she can handle her own shit. She’s a pistol, and I couldn’t adore her more.
She’s been like family to me over the years. All the Beauregard kids have. It’d be so, so cool to have them as my actual family.
I do my best to drop kick that idea from my head as soon as it appears, but it’s hard.
The lump in my throat rises until I can hardly breathe around it.
I tell Mom everything. Earlier, Beau gave me permission to tell her about his diagnosis.
I talk about that, and I talk about our depression. I tell her about the farmhouse, the cooking lesson, the bonfire.
I do leave out the lube and the naked parts. But she gets the picture.
I’m in love with a man I can’t have.
“Aw, honey, I’m so sorry.” Mom rubs my back. “I know you want things to work out with Beau. He’s a stand-up man and cute as all get-out, too.”
“Not helping,” I grind out, wiping the tears from my eyes. “Sorry I’m crying. Again. I know my life has been one nonstop tear fest for the past, oh, year or so.”
Mom pads over to the sink and tears off a sheet from the roll of paper towels, then hands it to me. “Never apologize for your feelings. You’ve had a tough time of it, Annabel. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be heartbroken over something not working out.”
“That’s just it.” I hold the paper towel to my eye. “It is working out. Beautifully. When Beau and I are together, it’s magic. It’s when we visit the bigger picture that shit hits the fan. We decided we’d try to enjoy the time we have, but—yeah. Not easy.”
Mom smooths back my hair, tucking it behind my ear. “Well. As much as I hate to say this, maybe the bigger picture, where y’all end up together, is not meant to be. You’ve got a lot going on as it is. You’ll be heading back to work full-time soon, and Maisie will be spending her days with someone new. It will be a big adjustment for the both of you and very intense for a while. Maybe this break is exactly that: a break from the pressure you’ve felt. A chance to recharge your batteries and take a deep breath so you can go back to Charlotte ready to tackle the rest of your life. See? It may feel like the end of the world right now, but it could also be just what you need to keep going. Because—and I’ll let you in on a little secret here—that’s what the majority of parenthood is: putting one foot in front of the other. That’s all you have to do. And if hanging out with Beau for a couple of weeks is going to help you do that in the months and years to come, well…it’s not a total loss, is it?”
It’s a crushing blow when Maisie wakes up not once, but twice that night.
Just when you think you’ve got it down, they throw you a curveball.
Then again, I wasn’t exactly sleeping all that great anyway, so the one and three AM wake-up calls aren’t as hellacious as usual.
I’m too busy thinking about Beau and what Mom said.
The idea of going back to Charlotte alone—without Beau—is depressing.
But that’s just it. I won’t be alone. I have a daughter now. My own family. Mom is there, too, as is my proverbial village. I’ll get back in the groove there, seeing friends, walking around my neighborhood, visiting my favorite shops and restaurants.
My life is waiting for me.
I have to keep going.
Rocking Maisie to sleep for the second time in as many hours, I randomly feel a rush of love for her. It comes out of nowhere and it kind of stuns me, considering I’ve been battling this sense of disappointment all day.
