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Bel, baby on her hip, just shakes her head. “It has three rows. And it’s a Volvo. Perfect mom car.”
“Would you let me—”
“No,” Annabel and Lizzie reply in unison.
“That’s awfully sweet of you.” Lizzie gently pats my arm, like she knows I’m in a fragile fucking state, and the only stupid way I can think of to make me feel better and Bel feel better and make everybody feel better is to buy her the ninety-thousand-dollar dream SUV of moms everywhere. “But I think we’re all set on the car front.”
I close the trunk, feeling like my heart’s being cleaved in two by the tailgate.
I wipe my hands.
“Welp,” I say.
No one says anything back.
My eyes burn, and I blink hard, sliding my sunglasses from my hair onto my face.
“I gotta run.”
Lizzie eyes me as I lean in to kiss her cheek. “You’re leaving?”
“Beau has to work,” Annabel explains. “He’ll be back. Right?”
“Right.”
But even as I say the word, I know I’m lying.
There’s no way I can put that baby in her car seat and give Annabel one last kiss and not ask them to stay.
So I give them all a quick hug. “I’ll see y’all later,” I say, and I get in my car and I drive to the office.
Yep. Definitely the world’s biggest asshole.
But if being that asshole means sparing Annabel a world of hurt, I’ll do it.
I’ll do it every day until—
Well. We all know how my story ends.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Samuel says, leaping up from the weight bench. “You’re really not gonna say goodbye to Annabel?”
It is—was—my turn to spot him. I couldn’t focus at the office, so I called Samuel and headed to the gym.
He’s standing in front of me, sweat dripping off his nose as he stares me down.
I look away, grab the towel from over my shoulder and wipe down the bar and bench. I’m not using disinfectant, so it does fuck-all to actually clean the equipment.
But whatever. I can’t keep still.
“It’s better this way.”
“No, it’s not.”
“We already said goodbye. This morning.”
“Morning sex does not qualify as a goodbye. No matter how good you think that sex was. What about the baby?”
“What about her? She’s five months old. She won’t remember.”
Samuel just stares at me. “Her mama will. She’ll remember it forever, and she’ll hold it against you for that long, too.”
I sling the towel back over my shoulder and head for the row machine. My least favorite piece of gym equipment. Has been since I first worked out at eleven years old.
Yeah.
Yeah, that’ll hurt.
I crank up the resistance. My thighs scream when I start to row.
Good.
“I’m not gonna let you ignore me.” Samuel comes over and yanks the row bar out of my hands. “I’m telling you, you’re making a big mistake. Do you hear me? You’re going to regret this, Beau. Letting someone you love walk away—”
“I never said I was in love.”
“Pssssh.” Samuel rolls his eyes. “You been looking all pitiful-like with those puppy dog eyes since the day Annabel got here. You’re in love, brother. Whether you want to admit it or not.”
“I don’t. Want to admit it. Especially not to Annabel.”
Samuel tilts his head, his expression bordering on homicidal.
“I’d say you’re not right in the head, but that would make me the asshole, so I won’t. Instead, I’ll beg you to rethink this idiot move before you do something terrible you can’t take back. Hell, I’ll do it with you. Say goodbye. Be there for moral support and shit.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. I’ll show you how it’s done. You get in your car.” He puts his hands out in front of him and curls them over an imaginary steering wheel. “You get out of your car. You go up to Annabel and say, hey, friend, I’m a jackass and won’t commit to you—”
“Pot, meet kettle.”
Samuel waves me away. “Then you say, but hey, I love you as a friend and probably more than that too, and I’m gonna miss you like I’d miss my left nut if it were gone, and you know what? I’d actually like it if you and your crazy-cute baby would stay. I’d really, really like that, Annabel. So here, let me give you a hug.” Samuel leans down and wraps me in a rough embrace. I struggle, but he holds me tight, laughing. “I ain’t gonna let go until you say yes.”
“Me or Annabel?” I wheeze. “Say yes to what?”
“Say yes to telling your best friend in the world the truth. Which is that you’re in love with her, and you want her to stay forever. It’s that easy.”
Samuel is squeezing my lungs. He’s sweaty and smelly, and it’s all I can do not to gag.
“Let me go.”
“Not until you get up off this machine and go see Annabel.”
“Samuel!” I shout, giving him a savage push, my temper flaring. “Get the fuck off me.”
