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I moved to close the door, but he shot out his foot, stopping me.
I looked up, seeing his eyes crinkle at the corners, and I’m sure he thought we bonded or some shit over that episode in the greenhouse, and maybe we did a little, because I wasn’t afraid of him anymore, but I wasn’t letting him off the hook. That was mean.
And also, the more I distracted him, the more time Alex might have with Will.
“What are you playing at?” I asked him. “What do you want from me?”
He dropped his hand, still holding the clothes, and stalked for me, forcing me back into the room as he slammed the door behind him and never took his eyes off me.
“The clothes aren’t an apology,” he said, tossing them behind me to the bed. “They’re respect.”
He stared down at me, still dressed in his black pants and smudged white T-shirt, but instead of feeling backed into a wall or defensive, I…
I couldn’t help the comfort I felt. I shouldn’t need his respect or admiration, but something about it made me feel stronger.
Strangely, he hadn’t been exactly bad for me, had he?
I grabbed the black sweatpants off the bed and slipped them on, fastening the tie and thankful these actually fit pretty perfectly, and then pulled off his dress shirt, aware of his eyes on me in my bra.
I turned around and picked up the white T-shirt, slipping it on.
I felt him approach.
“Does he know about your brother?” he said, standing at my back.
“Yes.”
“And he’s still s
o cold?”
I pulled the shirt down my stomach and fixed the neckline, straightening it.
For a moment, Alex was forgotten.
“You see Micah?” I asked him in a quiet voice. “Kind of playful, prone to smile, happy to let others lead because he’s afraid of upsetting the balance in order to take his place?” I paused, feeling him pull my ponytail out of my shirt for me. “Because he’s afraid of failing?”
“Yeah.”
“That was Will,” I told him. “The joker. He never had a worry in the world. Happy, because he didn’t want to be unhappy. He was charmed.”
I turned around, my mouth dry and so weary I just wanted to crawl into bed, almost as if I didn’t care Alex was here.
“He hasn’t smiled since I’ve been here,” I said. “Not the same way anyway. He hasn’t laughed or played or cracked a joke.”
“He never does.”
I nodded, Aydin and I holding each other’s eyes. “I did that to him,” I told him. “I killed him.”
Before I could stop it, tears sprang to my eyes, and I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
At this moment, I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to hurt Will anymore. I didn’t want to face the world.
Aydin took my face in his hands, wiping my tears with his thumbs.
“Stop crying,” he said. “You’re in the company of killers now. You’re not special.”
More tears spilled over, but I drew in a deep breath, hearing him.
