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“What was that?” Nate calls out.
“OKAY.”
“Thank you. Goodnight.” Nate pads away, his door fwoomps, and the world is silent. I exhale. I’m shaking. And then I’m crying, but it’s not because I’m scared or humiliated. It’s because the most amazing moment of my entire life has just happened.
Josh loves me.
I trace the ink on my body. His beautiful illustrations are smeared with streaks of gooey chocolate. Reluctantly, I turn on my shower. The steam is already billowing when I climb in. The hot water hits me, and purple-black ink floods down my body.
It touches everything.
He is everywhere.
Chapter fifteen
Josh appears over my shoulder. “I thought we’d agreed you’re going to Dartmouth.”
His detention must have just ended. I’m working on an essay for Columbia University, so I finish my sentence, look up at him, and smile from my desk chair. “Remind me again where that’s located?”
“Four-point-nine miles from the Center for Cartoon Studies. Maybe. I’m not sure. I’d have to check.”
“She’s already filled out the application,” Kurt says, spoiling my surprise.
Josh freezes. And then he drops to his knees. “Is he serious? Are you serious?”
I slide out the hidden paperwork from Dartmouth. “We’re serious.”
He rips away the Columbia papers and throws them to my floor. “You don’t need those, you really don’t need those.”
I laugh as I pick them back up. “I do.”
“You don’t.”
“These are tough schools.” My smile fades as I gesture to the folders on my desk labelled LA SORBONNE, COLUMBIA, and DARTMOUTH. “You know I have to apply to them all.”
“And you’ll get into them all. But you’ll accept Dartmouth. And we’ll get a studio on the river – which will still be bigger than this – and a cat that looks like Jacque, but we’ll call him Jack. And we’ll get a crappy car, something that doesn’t even have AC, but it’ll have a great radio, and we’ll drive someplace new every weekend.”
“I want that,” I say.
“Me too.”
Kurt shakes his head in disgust. He’s sitting on my bed. “I still don’t understand why you’d alter your plans after all these years.”
I swivel around in my chair to stare him down. “My plans were never that planned.”
But it’s too late. Josh’s face has already fallen. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I’d never ask you to do this if it’s not what you wanted.”
That makes me laugh again. “Yes, you would.”
His frown deepens. “No. I wouldn’t.”
“I do want it. You know I don’t know what I want to do with my life. So I might as well do whatever it is I’m going to do…there.”
Kurt groans as if in physical pain. “Your parents will be furious.”
“If I get accepted” – my gaze is still locked upon Josh – “they’ll be fine with it.”
“No, they won’t.” Kurt clenches his entire body in frustration. “They’ll be worried that you’re throwing your life away for some guy.”
Now he has my attention. “Hey. Don’t say that.”
“You’ve been dating him for less than a month.”
“We wouldn’t even be attending the same college. And neither of us has gotten in yet, so just stop it, okay?”
Kurt glares at me. “I’m the one trying to finish my homework. You’re the one bringing him in here.”
“Actually, I brought myself in here. And I’m still here.” Josh points at himself. “Hi.”
“This is my room,” I say to Kurt.
“So I don’t have a say in it any more?” he asks.
“No!” I say.
“I’m gonna go,” Josh says.
“Don’t,” I say as Kurt says, “Good.”
I get up to follow Josh, but he stops me. “You should stay,” he says quietly. I start to protest, and he cuts me off. “I refuse to be the person who messes things up between the two of you. Work it out.” He kisses my cheek. And then he’s gone.
I scowl at Kurt. “Well? Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Talk about what?” he says testily.
I lower my voice, because my door is still open. “Last night?”
“When you screamed at me?”
“When you came in here and found something you weren’t expecting.”
Kurt slams shut his textbook so hard that it makes me jump. “You’re the one person who’s never supposed to talk to me like that,” he says. “Like I don’t understand. You’ve wanted to screw him for three years. Why wouldn’t you now that you’re dating? I’m not the idiot that you think I am.”
I’m stung. “I don’t think that. You know I don’t think that.”
“You do.”
There’s truth to what he’s saying. It shames me.
“Listen. I don’t want to tag along on your dates, and I don’t want you to stop going out, but it’d be nice to know if you still gave a shit about me.”
I crumple down beside him onto the bed. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say you’re sorry. Say you’re still my friend.”
“I’m still your best friend.” I lean against his shoulder and sigh. “What can I do to make it up to you?”
“For starters, you can fix your lock. I never want to see your breasts again.”
“Ohmygod, Kurt.”
He snorts with laughter. “They’re bigger than the last time I saw them.”
I shove him away. “Do you want me to leave? Because I’m seriously about to vomit.”
“No.” His expression becomes solemn again. “I don’t ever want you to leave.”
“Come with me this weekend,” Josh says. “Out of the country.”
It’s Friday, and we’re making out in a custodial closet between second and third period. It’s been a long, tension-filled week. Today is Josh’s last day of detention, and this will be our final weekend before he has to fly to New York for the election.
I think he’s kidding until I see his expression. “Josh. We can’t just go.”
“Why not? I went to Germany last month.”
“Yeah, but.” A broom falls against my back, and I shove it aside. “That’s different.”
“The only difference is that it’d be better, because you’d be with me.”
I want to go. I want to go with him so badly.
The broom falls on me again, and Josh throws it into the corner. “Stay,” he tells it.
“I hate this closet.”
“Come on. Let’s go someplace where we won’t have to prop open our doors and hide between mops.”
“I want to, I really do. But it’s too risky.” I pause. “Isn’t it?”
“No, you see. Because here’s what we’d do: we’d catch a train early tomorrow morning, spend the afternoon and evening wherever, crash in a hotel, and then catch the train back on Sunday morning. We’d only be gone for one night.”
“And…how many times have you done this?”
He shrugs. “A few times last year. Just the once this year.”
“And you’ve never been caught.”
