AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Between his proximity in the physical sense, and his embrace in the emotional sense, I hummed happily and cuddled closer, closing my eyes. “I throw a mean hammer-fist,” I mumbled into his hoodie. His leather jacket lay folded on the bench next to the sketchbook. He’d insisted it wasn’t cold enough to need it, except on the motorcycle.
He echoed my hum, tipping my head back with an ungloved, curiously unfrozen finger. “You do. I’m actually a little scared of you.”
Our faces were inches apart, his breath mingling with mine in one evaporative cloud between us. “I don’t want you to be scared of me.” The words I couldn’t bring myself to add swirled through my mind: talk to me, talk to me. Barring that, I wanted him to kiss me so I wouldn’t feel the guilt escalate, threatening to spill out in one irrevocable confession. As if I’d made that request aloud, he lowered his head and kissed me softly.
Chapter 24
Most people would take off as soon as they handed in the last final. Erin was leaving on Saturday, but I was staying because my favorite middle school student had invited me to his concert Monday night—he’d made first chair, and wanted to show off. We were required to vacate the dorms for winter break by Tuesday, so I would be going home that day, whether I wanted to or not.
Maggie, Erin and I met in the library to study for our last astronomy exam of the semester. Around 2 am, Maggie flopped face-down onto her open textbook with a dramatic sigh. “Uuuuugh… If we don’t take a break from this shit, my brain is going to be a black hole.”
Erin said nothing, and when I looked at her, she was checking her phone, scrolling through a text, and then replying. She hit send and noticed I was looking at her.
“Huh?” Her brown eyes were a little wide. “Um, Chaz was just letting me know the guys are taking turns keeping an eye on Buck. Making sure he doesn’t leave the house.”
“I thought we weren’t talking to Chaz,” Maggie mumbled sleepily—eyes closed, cheek pressed to the page we were reviewing.
Erin’s eyes landed anywhere but mine, and I knew she’d abandoned that plan. I decided to let her fidget a little longer before I let her off the hook. I’d always liked Chaz and could only fault him so much. I wouldn’t want to believe my best friend was a monster, either.
Checking my phone, I reread the texts I’d sent Lucas earlier, and his replies.
Me: Econ final: PWNED
Lucas: All because of me, right?
Me: No, because of that Landon guy.
Lucas: ;)
Me: My brain hurts. I have three more exams.
Lucas: One more for me, friday. Then work. See you saturday.
“Mindi’s last final is tomorrow.” Erin doodled a design around an equation in her notebook.
“I heard her dad is sitting in the hall during all of her finals,” Maggie said.
I’d heard the same rumor. “I can’t blame him, if that’s true.”
We watched Erin, who knew the truth between fact and campus gossip. She nodded. “He is. And she’s not coming back, except to testify. She’s transferring to some small community college back home.” The regret in her eyes was bottomless. “Her mom said she’s still having nightmares every night. I can’t believe I just left her there.”
Maggie sat up. “Hey. We left a lot of people there. It wasn’t our fault, Erin.”
“I know, but—”
“She’s right.” I made Erin look at me. “Put the fault where it goes. On him.”
***
I finally told my parents about Buck. I hadn’t talked to them since before Thanksgiving. Due to something left out of order in the pantry, Mom figured out that I’d been home, and called me. I guess she wanted to make sure a stranger hadn’t broken into the house and un-alphabetized her grains and condiments, so I had to fess up.
“But… you told me you were going to Erin’s?”
Instead of telling her that she’d come to that conclusion by herself—that I’d only mentioned Erin once, that she’d never bothered to verify what I was actually doing over Thanksgiving break—I lied. It was easier for both of us that way.
“Coming home was a last-minute decision. No big deal.”
She started jabbering about the things we needed to do over the break—I was due for a dental appointment, and my truck’s registration would expire in January. “Do you need an appointment with Kevin, or have you found a stylist there?” she asked.
Instead of answering her question, I blurted it all out—Buck’s assault in the parking lot, Lucas saving me, Buck raping another girl, the charges we were pressing, the upcoming criminal case. There was no stopping it, once it started.
At first I thought she hadn’t heard me, and I gripped my phone, thinking I’m not repeating all of that, if she’s too damned busy decorating for her party to listen to me for ten seconds.
And then she choked out, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She knew why, I think. I didn’t need to say it. They hadn’t been the best parents; they hadn’t been the worst, either.
I sighed. “I’m telling you now.”
She was silent for another strained moment, but I heard her moving through the house. They were hosting their annual catered holiday party on Saturday, and I knew how control-freak and anal Mom was about the house being perfect for that. Growing up, I’d learned to make myself scarce during the entire week leading up to that party.
“I’m calling Marty right now to tell him I’m not coming in tomorrow.” Marty was Mom’s boss at her software consulting firm. “I can be there by eleven.” I recognized the sound of her dragging her wheeled suitcase out from the closet under the stairs.
I gaped into the phone for a moment before sputtering to life. “No—no, Mom, I’m fine. I’ll be home in less than a week.”
Her voice shook when she answered, shocking me further. “I’m so sorry, Jacqueline.” She said my name as though she was trying to find some way to touch me through the phone. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” My God, I thought, she’s crying? My mother wasn’t a crier. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you when you came home. You needed me and I wasn’t here.”
Alone in my room, I sat on my bed, dazed. “It’s okay, Mom. It’s not like you knew.” She’d known about my breakup with Kennedy… but I was ready to let that go, too. “You raised me to be strong, right? I’m good.” I realized as I said it that it was true.
