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It won’t stop, and now a second hand has joined the party, squeezing my other hand. I groan, opening my eyes again, the white glare doing the tango in stilettos on my head, shooting needles straight into my temples. I try and focus, try to move my mouth and tell these persistent ass**les to go to hell. I can’t move my head, can’t do anything but stare up into the light, and I wonder where the stranger went, if he is still here, if he is one of the damn individuals squeezing my hands to death. A new face enters my vision and I relax slightly. Paul.
He leans forward, speaking so loudly that someone two blocks away could hear, the angle of his approach revealing that he is one of the hand squeezers. “Madd, can you hear me?”
I blink at him and try to speak. Swallow and try again, the words coming out as a whisper. “I’m not deaf. Please... shut up and let me sleep.”
He grins. The damn man grins, a smile that stretches across his face as if he has just won the Maverick Invitational. “Yes, baby,” he whispers, and I would swear that a tear leaks from his eyes.
“Thank you,” I grumble, my voice coming out hoarse, my eyes closing against the still-brutal light. “And please have someone turn that damn light off.”
“Anything else, babe?” His voice is close to my ear but at a normal decibel level, and I can feel the warm tickle of breath against my eardrum.
“Yeah.” I sigh, the glare against the darks of my eyelids gone, some angel having found the fry light and turned it off. “Stop strangling my hands.”
If he responds, I don’t hear it. Darkness is once again my new best friend.
DANA
I find Stewart in one of the lobby chairs; he looks up at my approach. “Hey sis,” he says dully.
“She’s asleep but stable. You didn’t want to stay in the room?”
He shakes his head, lifting a hand and massaging his temples.
I sit next to him, run my hand over his shoulder, picking a bit of lint off the material. “It’s okay, that she didn’t see you when she woke up. She’ll know that you were here. Chances are she won’t even remember it.”
He shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. The point wasn’t for her to see me. I’m just glad I saw it.” He lets out a breath of air. “God, when her eyes opened... when I heard her voice... it was like a weight off my shoulders. I’ve never been so scared, Dana. I mean, with Jennifer, there was never an unknown period. We were just told what happened. And had to deal with it in any way we could. With Madison... the unknown, the waiting...” he turns his head, looking at me. “I was terrified.”
I look into his eyes. Eyes that have matured so much in the last few years. He sits like the weight of the world rests on his shoulders. And in his eyes... I see disappointment, an emotion that I don’t understand. “You should go in there. She might wake back up.”
His eyes darken. “No. I want Paul... God, I don’t know.” He looks down, leans forward in his chair and rests his forearms on his knees. “I don’t think...” he says carefully, every word measured, “that I deserve her.”
“In what way?”
He runs his fingers over his mouth. “I don’t think I can do it, D.” He looks back at me. “I wouldn’t tell another soul but you this. The work—the job—I don’t know that I can walk from it. Cut back my hours to a level that she would expect. Deserve.” He snorts, disgust in his eyes. “Fuck, I can’t even sit in a hospital room while she struggles for life and not think about it.” He looks away. “Paul... he doesn’t struggle with that. He—in there—all he’s thinking about is her. All that he loves in life is her.” His shoulders sink. “Do I have the right to take that from him? Only to fail her later?”
He runs a hand through his hair, gripping it before dropping his head into his hands. “But where does that leave me? A life alone? With nothing but my work? She—she is the only thing I have other than that.”
I reach out a hand and grab his knee, squeezing it hard until he looks at me, a haunted look in his eyes. “Stewart—I know that you love her. But you will meet someone who you will happily set aside work for. You won’t have to try and cut back your hours. You won’t be able to stay away from them. That is when you’ll know that you have found the person you are meant to be with. When your life is no longer your own, and you are shoving that sacrifice forward willingly.”
He holds my gaze for a long moment before glancing towards the ICU doors. “So what, you think that is how Paul feels? You think she ‘is it’ for him?”
I follow his glance, flipping back through everything I have seen today. “I don’t know.” I say carefully. “I think you and I both still see Paul as he once was—emotional and tender-hearted. But he is ten years older now. I do know that he is not the boy we once knew. And the only thing on his mind in there is her. He... he’s not like anything I would expect. It terrifies me how singularly focused he is on her. It’s as if he thinks he can will and love her back to health.”
He groans. “God, you make me feel like shit, D.”
I lean against his shoulder, looping my arm through his. “You’re sacrificing a piece of your life for him. This is the proudest I’ve ever been of you.” I turn my head, my peripheral vision seeing the edge of his lips curl slightly.
“I haven’t made a decision, Dana.”
“Yes you have,” I say firmly. “Now go outside and make your calls. I’ll tell Paul.” I stand, brushing off my pants and reach for my purse, his hands stopping me, the insistent press of them causing me to pause.
“I love her.” The raw need in his eyes gives me pause, a spike of pain hitting my heart.
“I know,” I say softly. “But you love him, too. And you know that I’m right.”
His jaw tightens.
MADISON
Kisses. Soft kisses on my cheeks, nose, moving down my neck. I shift slightly, bending my head to the face in my neck, slowly opening my eyes to—thank God—a softly lit room. The kisses find their way to my lips and I smile, recognizing the scruff, the soft way he cradles my head. “Hey baby.”
“Hey.” He kisses my forehead. “How do you feel?”
“Okay.” My head aches. “What time is it?”
“Almost ten. In about ten minutes their most intimidating nurse is going to come in and try and kick me out. Just in case she succeeds I wanted to say hi.”
