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‘l’m unhurt and I’m okay-‘
‘No thanks to me. 1 can’t even keep you safe from harm under my own roof,’
Cristiano growled in a driven voice.
‘1‘11 also have to tell Jodie about what happened.
She’s an old friend, and it would be wrong to keep it from her’
‘lf she loves him, she may not want to know.’
‘Thankfully, that’s not our business.’
On the threshold of their bedroom, Cristiano scooped Lydia up into his arms and carried her over to the bed, where he laid her down with gentle hands. He studied her with brooding intensity, as if he still wasn’t quite sure that she really was all right.
‘Will you stop blaming yourself’?’ she sighed.
‘l’m fine-right as rain-fighting fit! ‘
‘of course I’m blaming myself! ‘
Cristiano fielded without hesitation. t1 didn’t appreciate what a nutter Philip was. 1 seem to screw up everything with you! ‘
‘No you don’t.’
Cristiano looked unconvinced. He moved away several feet, turned in a restless arc like a lion confined in too small a space.
”There are some things 1 need to tell you… ‘
Lydia sat up in readiness. Cristiano stared at her, then looked away again, almost imperceptible colour scoring his taut cheekbones.
”Yes …?’ Lydia prompted.
‘l haven’t been straight with you or with myself. I fell in love with you almost two years ago. 1 saw you on that catwalk and then 1 heard your voice, saw the way you put your head to one side when you speak. There was just something so unbelievably appealing about you,’
he said, seemingly unaware that she was now studying him with a dropped jaw.
‘But 1 didn’t realise that what you made me feel was love, because 1 hated the trapped feeling it gave me.
”The…trapped feeling’?’
Lydia echoed, thrust back down to earth again with a nasty bump. Had he really said what she thought he had? Or had her imagination taken a gigantic leap all on its own? t1 don’t think 1 was ready for anything serious. You got inside my head and spooked me. Dio mio, I’d be in a meeting and then out of nowhere I’d find that I was thinking about you! ‘
he recalled with a shudder that spoke volumes.
‘All my focus would be gone. It was a nightmare.
thinking about you! ‘ So when 1 wanted to see you 1 would make myself wait longer. That way 1 stayed in control of events.’
‘so I was right to blame you for not making more effort to see me.’
‘It showed how interested I was in other ways,’ Cristiano countered. ‘1 bought you roses. 1 even sent you a card onValentine’s Day’
‘lt was a black and white picture of NewYork with your name in it and no message-‘
Cristiano wasn’t listening.
‘1 also phoned you all the time. That was serious new territory for me.’
‘l’m surprised that fact didn’t wake you up in the night in a cold sweat! ‘
‘All that woke me up was the need for a cold shower, because you weren’t there in my bed with me, bella mia. ‘
Lydia went pink.
‘When 1 overheard Philip talking about that horrible bet, it wrecked everything.’
”That was all my fault.’
His lean, darkly handsome face was bleak with recollection.
‘l’m sorry you were hurt, but if it’s any consolation it was a body-blow when you took off with Mort Stevens. I was gutted. Life lost all its flavour, and 1 didn’t work out why until very recently. But 1 did have a recurring fantasy in which you came to me on your knees, begging to be taken back, cara mia. ‘
Lydia was perched on the side of the bed, her entire attention lodged on him.
‘ls that why you turned fantasy into fact when you heard 1 was in trouble’?’
‘And the next time 1 got you in my sights 1 made sure there was no way you could leave me a second time.’
‘The contract’?’
Now that its purpose had been fully explained, Lydia felt almost fond of that part of their history.
‘1 wanted you tied hand and foot to me, so that you couldn’t walk away again.’
‘obviously somewhere along the line you got acclimatised to that trapped feeling,’ Lydia remarked.
‘Losing you to Stevens was a painful cure. Although 1 got you back into my life, 1 couldn’t forget that you’d walked out on me…’
”The first time you proposed-‘?’
Cristiano vented a rueful laugh.
‘lt was a disaster. 1 was all over the place. 1 hadn’t thought anything through.
1 felt so guilty, and 1 wanted to keep you with me. But 1 thought you hated me and that made me arrogant.’
Her nose wrinkled. ‘1 thought 1 hated you too.’
”When Gwenna showed me that photo you’d kept of me, it was like a shot of adrenalin. 1 was so low,’ He confessed. 1 wasn’t getting anywhere with you. But it seemed to me that if you’d felt that way about me once, there was still hope. When you got the wrong idea about that Russian model, 1 was delighted.’
