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Bella meets me in the conservatory and pulls me against her, stretching up on her toes to kiss me goodnight. She always kisses me like it’s the last time now.
We always treat each day like it may be our last.
Bella has taught me patience, and I have taught her strength, and together we overcome every obstacle life has thrown our way. We have both learned that nothing can break those who have already been broken like us.
“You are still my monster,” she tells me.
I kiss her again, just to be sure she knows I mean it.
“And you are still mine. Forever.”
BONUS SCENE
Aria bounds into the kitchen just as I finish scrambling the eggs and dividing them up onto three plates. She smiles up at me and holds out her hands in anticipation.
“Wash up first,” I tell her.
She sighs but does as she’s asked.
Javi doesn’t even seem to notice that we’re here. He’s at the counter, glued to his computer, the same way he has been for the past month. I ignore the dread churning in my stomach and fake a smile for Aria while we eat breakfast together.
Her plate is empty ten minutes later while my food has merely been redistributed by the fork.
“Can I go play now?” she asks.
“Worksheets first,” I tell her.
She skips off down the hall, leaving me to the suffocating silence that I’ve become so attuned to. Javi has not even looked at me this morning, but I’m getting used to that too. I’ve been afraid to ask what’s had him so preoccupied. The storm in his eyes hasn’t disappeared with time, and I’ve tried to reason that he must have good excuses for sneaking out at all hours of the day. But I can no longer ignore the tension that exists between us.
I thought we had moved past this. I thought we would only ever move forward after everything we’ve been through. We have come so far that sometimes it seems like a bad dream when I recall the events of the past. But I can only pretend for so long.
I can try to justify his actions and create excuses for his behavior, but it does not quell the hurt inside of me. The burning questions I am too afraid to ask.
Is there someone else?
Is it the same woman he brought here before?
I swallow some cold coffee, and it feels like sand in my throat. When I set the mug down on the counter too hard, Javi finally looks up at me.
“Why don’t we take Aria out for a picnic today,” I suggest.
His shoulders tighten, and shame burns his eyes.
“I am sorry, my love,” he answers. “I can’t today.”
I nod because I have no voice left. My eyes burn with unshed tears, and I shield them by turning away and tending to the dishes.
At some point, Javi leaves again.
The house is quiet for the rest of the day, and Aria and I eat dinner alone. When he returns at bedtime, I fake sleep and cry silent tears.
Javi does not sleep either. He is still and quiet, but I know his body well enough to know when he succumbs to his exhaustion. I wonder if he knows that I am still awake too. The answer to that question comes when he sneaks out of bed five minutes later.
A glance at the clock tells me that it’s three am, and I can’t take this anymore. I need answers. Aria is just down the hall, and she’s the first thing that crosses my mind. She can’t be left here alone, but at the very least, I need to see what Javi is doing.
When he slips from the room, I leave the bed myself and follow the soft thud of footsteps down the hall. I expect him to use the front door, assuming that he will probably take his truck to wherever he’s going. But instead, he ducks right at the parlor and moves in the direction of the conservatory, locking it behind him.
His actions won’t allow me to follow without being heard, and I’m afraid of losing sight of him. So I do the next best thing. I slip into his office and glance at the live camera monitors on the screen. Every angle outside the house is being recorded, and I know he will be on at least one of them. But I lose hope quickly.
Javi is skilled at hiding in the shadows. He is skilled at going unnoticed through the darkness of night.
I can’t see him on any of the screens.
I can’t see anything.
I slump back into his office chair and curl my fingers into my fist in frustration. He’s gone. There’s nothing.
Until there is.
It’s so faint that I almost didn’t see it. If I had even blinked, I would have missed the flash on the screen. There is a flicker of light coming from inside the tool shed. I watch the door for what feels like an eternity, waiting for him to emerge, but he doesn’t. And that’s when I know that I have no choice. He’s in there for a reason, and I need to know why.
I use the side entrance of the house and walk softly towards the door, my fingers trembling as they hover over the doorknob.
He could be in there with her right now. This could be worse than anything he has ever done to me. Something that I could never recover from. And I’m not entirely certain I can handle it. But then I think of all the things I’ve been through before, and it steels my resolve.
The knob turns freely, and the door creaks open. I stand on the threshold, mentally preparing myself for every scenario my mind can conjure up. Only, I couldn’t have prepared myself for what I find.
Javi is not alone.
But he’s not with another woman either. I can’t feel my fingers, and I’m trying to make sense of what’s happening here, but I don’t understand it. This is not the scenario that I prepared myself for.
He’s sitting on a bucket opposite a young boy I don’t recognize, and they are playing checkers. Javi turns to me and blinks before the boy growls at me and scurries into the darkness to hide.
“What are you doing, Bella?” Javi demands.
“What are you doing?” I fire back. “Is that… her son?”
Javi stares at me like I’ve gone mental. “Whose son?”
“The woman,” I accuse. “Whoever you’ve been sneaking off to be with. I’m not stupid, Javi. Don’t lie to me anymore. I demand to know what’s going on.”
He moves towards me then, his face grim. I step back and almost stumble. It’s the first time in a long time that I am unsure how to handle him. I have no idea what his intentions are when he comes near me and seizes my arm. He’s been so on edge. So off balance. It’s hard to read him right now.
“My Bella,” he sighs. “How could you think that I would do that to you?”
He regrets the words the moment they are spoken, and I see it in his eyes. Neither one of us likes to dredge up the past, but sometimes it can’t be helped. His fingers come up to touch my face, and his mouth lingers just a breath away from mine. It is the closest we have been in weeks, and my traitorous body relaxes into his touch, revealing just how much I have missed him.
“You are crazy,” he whispers. “If you think there would ever be anyone else for me.”
My bottom lip quivers and tears threaten to spill from my eyes.
“Then tell me what’s happening, because I don’t understand.”
He bows his head in a rare sign of submission and pulls me into his arms.
“I am sorry,” he tells me. “I did not know how to tell you this. I did not know the best thing to do.”
He steps away from me then, pulling me along with him into the shed. And the boy that I saw only a glimpse of earlier is now huddled in the corner, clinging to a tiny cot that I’ve never seen before. Beside him, there is a mini fridge with stacks of books and sketch pads and various activities to keep him occupied. It is as if he has been living here, and I didn’t even know it. And when I glance back to Javi, I realize that is exactly what is happening.
“Who is he?” I ask again.
Javi looks at the boy and back to me.
“Technically, he does not have a name. At least not one that he remembers.”
My stomach lurches when I realize the implication of those words. This boy is from the
program. The same one where they tortured Javi as a child.
I don’t want to believe it’s true, but one look at him and I know that I can’t pretend it doesn’t exist. It’s easy to forget sometimes when we live away from everyone and everything that there are still children out there suffering. We go on with our daily lives and the things that are too difficult to accept sometimes just slip away. This child is a stark reminder that these problems still exist.
He is so small. Only ten or eleven if I had to guess. And he is feral. Scared. Angry. His eyes move over me like a target, waiting for Javi to give him the green light to eliminate me. I do not have to wonder if he has killed before. It is written in his troubled eyes already.
