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In and out. She made sure the air went deep into her body before exhaling it out. After a couple of minutes, she felt better, more grounded.
She started to move forward. One foot in front of the other.
From the last time she lived here, she remembered where the grocery store was. She gripped the handles of a cart and made her way inside. Nathan was a weird kid and liked to have a lot of vegetables. She didn’t mind that about him at all, seeing she was supposed to feed him at least five of them. It made cooking food for him easy.
She picked enough food to feed them for two weeks. Shopping was fun, but she hadn’t suddenly become addicted to food shopping. With everything bagged, she was able to carry it home without too much trouble. Her arms ached but this was the price she paid for a kid and some food.
One step in front of the other.
Her thoughts returned to Simon, like they always did.
Had he slept with other women?
Other than the date with Niles, she hadn’t been with another man. She hadn’t kissed anyone else.
Not even been near anyone else.
Luke had been around and he’d wanted to be a support for her, but like the last time she saw him, she shot him down. She wasn’t about giving men the disbelief they had a chance with her.
Did it make her a bitch? Probably.
Did she care? No.
She wasn’t going to give anyone the false impression of her wanting them.
Back at her apartment, she put the groceries away and finished with the last of their boxes. With a neat pile near the door, she took a seat and simply stared away.
All it had taken were two days to move her life from one MC to another. She wasn’t part of Chaos Bleeds, but now, she was in their territory.
In the last five years, all it had taken were two days. All of her possessions were put away. There was nothing waiting for a home. It was all just neatly organized.
It’s fine.
Tears filled her eyes. Putting a hand to her chest, she leaned back on the sofa.
“I won’t cry. I won’t cry.”
The one good thing about having a job and a son, she’d been able to keep on moving. To not allow herself these random moments, but now she didn’t have that. Checking the time, she saw she had another three hours before she had to pick up Nathan.
“I’m fine. Everything is fine.”
The tears didn’t stop.
Closing her eyes, the first two tears fell.
The loneliness swarmed around her like a virus infecting every single particle of who she was. This had been her life for so long.
In her mind, she saw Simon as a kid, the way he came and pushed her. She kicked him back, and she believed that was what started their love. She hadn’t taken his shit and Simon had adored her for it.
The letters. The phone calls. The memory of hanging out and coloring together. Even when her father and Devil had their fight and nearly tore both clubs apart, she’d seen Simon.
Lexie and her mother had seen to it.
They’d been through so much together, but Simon hadn’t stayed when she needed him the most. He’d gone to do his own thing and what was that exactly? Oh, yes, to go and fight. He was getting over killing someone by actually killing more people.
As she wiped at her eyes, the tears didn’t stop.
Alone. He’d left her all alone and she’d been fighting that feeling for so long, she didn’t know how to deal with it. Taking a deep breath, she tried not to let it consume her, but with nothing to distract her, she felt it.
Her cell phone went off. This was a lifeline.
Checking the caller ID, she saw it was Daisy.
Accepting the call, she closed her eyes. “Hey.”
“Tabs, you okay?”
“The polite way to answer the phone is with a hello,” Tabitha said. “I know, it’s a new thing all the cool kids are using.”
Daisy chuckled. “Really, is that what people do? I would never have thought it. I guess that makes me a rebel then.”
“Yeah, a total rebel. What’s up?” Tabitha asked. “Not that I don’t mind your call.”
“If you must know, I’m missing you. It’s not the same here without you.”
“I miss you too.”
“Tabs, are you crying?”
She touched her cheek. The wetness was still there. “No. Of course not.”
“You’re a shitty liar, you know? You were bad when we were kids but you’re even more so now.”
“You wouldn’t have the first clue what you’re talking about,” Tabitha said, smiling. “It’s good to hear your voice.”
“How are the bruises? We didn’t get a chance to hang out or you tell me what the hell was going on. It must have been a bad date.”
“You know Miles said the same thing.”
