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“I don’t want to spar with you, Simon. I want to fucking hurt you.” She glared at him.
“Then hurt me.”
“No, because then I feel guilty. I don’t want to hurt you at the same time. You did what you did and you left me. You got on that fucking bike and without a damn care in the world, you rode away like I was nothing.”
He pulled his clothes off and stepped into the shower. “I didn’t want to leave you.”
She laughed. “You didn’t want to, but you could. Don’t you see that? You were able to get on that bike and you’ve lived. Look at you, you made the most of what happened.”
“Do you think I’ve lived? Is that what you think this is?” He cupped her face, tilting her head back, forcing her to look at him. “I didn’t live, Tabby. Nothing about this was fun. I survived. From day to day. It’s all I did. Whenever I entered a fight, I thought of you. I saw your tears. I saw your pain.”
“Then why didn’t you come back to me?” She slammed her hand against his chest. “I needed you here and you left. Why didn’t you come back to me? Why didn’t you love me enough to stay?”
He pulled her close so her face was pressed against his chest. She tried to fight against him, to pull away. To have distance between them.
Simon wouldn’t let her.
His grip remained firm and all she did was exhaust herself until she finally relented and sobbed against him.
He stroked her hair.
“I wasn’t a good enough man for you. I don’t regret killing Ryan. For a short time, I thought I did. I didn’t. Killing that smug bastard wasn’t a mistake, not to me. No, what was the mistake was doing it in front of witnesses. I wasn’t patient. I fucked up. I had no choice but to leave and to do so, I had to control this … rage. I needed to become a man for you, Tabby. It showed me that I was still a fucking boy. I thought I was a man, but I had yet to grow up.”
He kissed her lips, pulling her away from him. She stared up into his eyes. “That’s why I walked away. That’s why I did what I did. This wasn’t easy. I saw how weak I was and I couldn’t allow that to touch you.” He stroked her cheek. “I’m not letting go. I’m not walking away. Where you go, I go. I will follow you everywhere, Tabby. You own my heart and soul.”
****
When it came to Tabby, Simon knew deep in his soul he was always a little selfish with her. He never wanted to share her. Always wanted to be around her. Ever since they were kids, he’d been obsessed. He didn’t consider it that dangerous. For him, it had always been and would forever be love.
Tabby sat in the center of the sitting room. She’d moved the coffee table to one side, her legs crossed, hands on her knees.
She was meditating. He knew the moves as he’d watched Dick do that and yoga for many years. He watched her take a deep inhale and slowly exhale.
Sipping at his coffee, he couldn’t take his eyes off her.
She was beautiful. No doubt about it in his mind.
“Why do you keep on staring?” Tabby asked.
He smiled. Her eyes weren’t open. “Because you’re the most beautiful thing in the room.”
“I’ll believe that when we’re in a room full of women.”
“You know you’ll always win.”
This time, she opened her eyes and smiled. “You can’t sweet talk me.”
She had yet to say she loved him back.
He got it, more than she realized. He’d hurt her deeply by leaving. Maybe if she hadn’t seen him actually kill another man, she wouldn’t be so pissed at him, but for now, she was still in the hatred part of their relationship.
Simon knew it wouldn’t last too long, he hoped not.
You’ve got to take her back to her son.
It had now been a week and if he knew anything about kids, Nathan would be missing his mother dearly.
What he didn’t want to do was let her go. Not until they resolved these issues.
Getting to his feet, he walked closer to her and sat down. He placed his coffee cup beside him.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Did Dick show you how to do this?”
Her eyes opened again and she nodded. “During pregnancy. It was a tough time. My blood pressure was up. I couldn’t relax. I felt sick all the damn time. I was of course miserable, and yeah, it was a hard time.” She shrugged. “I coped the best way I knew how but one day, Dick saw me struggling.”
She giggled. “Who knew he could be so persistent when he believes he’s right about something, huh?” She waved her hand in front of her face. “Anyway, moving on. Daisy joined me and even Miles and Anthony. Dick had me and my big giant belly on the ground, and at first, I did nothing but called bullshit on the entire thing. He wouldn’t give up and so, I finally relaxed. Before long, I realized I’d been sitting for nearly an hour and I felt more focused. Calm. I’d never experienced anything like it. He spent a good couple of days showing me all the necessary moves, and when he left, I started to do it regularly.”
