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They were pointless. Useless.
Taking deep breaths, she saw the building up ahead and picked up her pace. She also made sure not to look miserable. Turning her frown into a smile, she pushed all of her thoughts to the back of her mind. By the time she arrived at the reception desk, she was a little out of breath but she gained control quite easily. That was what all the power walking did for her. No matter what she did, she was able to gain control.
Always had to be.
No one wanted to hear about her sad little story or how she struggled.
“I’m here to pick up Nathan,” she said.
“I’m here.”
She glanced toward the chairs and immediately went to him. “I’m here, sweetie.”
“It hurts, Mommy.”
“I know, baby.” She caught him as he threw himself at her. Holding him tight, she cupped the back of his head and picked him up.
The receptionist at the desk got her to sign a form for taking him out of school early.
Carrying Nathan out of the school, she didn’t look back.
“You never told me this morning you were feeling poorly.” She kissed his cheek, rubbed his back, and tried to offer him comfort. Nothing she did seemed to help him though.
“I know. I didn’t. I felt great but it started to hurt in class and Miss Andrea said I was just being a baby. That big boys don’t complain. How you might be busy.”
Tabitha was even more pissed now than ever before. “You don’t listen to her. If you ever feel sick, you come straight to me. You call me. I will always be waiting. Always.” She kissed his cheek again, blowing a raspberry on his cheek.
“I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you too, sweetheart. So, so much.”
Nathan had been a surprise. There was always a risk. On one of the last times with Simon, the condom they’d used had broken. Not long after, she’d been attacked by Ryan. Gritting her teeth, she forced her thoughts elsewhere. Whenever she was with Nathan, she refused to allow bad memories to come forward. It wasn’t Nathan’s fault.
Finding out she’d been pregnant had come as a shock. There had even been talks of ending the pregnancy. There was an equal chance between Simon and Ryan being the father. She’d gotten her son tested years ago. The piece of paper was still in the envelope. Unread. She hadn’t opened it. Hadn’t wanted to know the answer.
Her son was her baby.
Her boy.
She didn’t care about his father.
Ryan was rotting in hell and Simon, well, he was doing his little repentance or whatever the fuck it was. She couldn’t even give him the energy of thinking what it could be that he did that was useful.
He’d ridden away.
Asshole.
Carrying him toward Millie’s place, she opened the door. The young woman looked up and her smile turned into a frown.
“Oh, no, is everything okay?”
“It’s fine,” Tabitha said. “He’s feeling a little sick and so I figured I’d pick up what I ordered before I headed home.”
“Yes, of course.” Millie turned and quickly headed into the back of the shop. Millie was one of the club women and was married to Baker. A lovely woman, kind and sweet.
Nathan wriggled in her arms and she let him down to go ahead and play.
She loved to watch her son enjoying all the toys and gifts the shop had to offer. He was the one and only joy within her world.
A couple of minutes later, Millie came out of the back, carrying a large bag. Tabitha’s phone rang, interrupting them.
“Can I take this?”
“Sure. The signal in here is bad. You might want to take it outside. Don’t worry about him, I’ll take care. Nathan and I are good buddies.”
“Of course. Thank you.” Pressing the phone to her ear, she stepped out the door. “What’s up, Mom?”
Glancing at her watch, she saw it had been exactly a half an hour since she left the clubhouse and only now her mother called. Eva was certainly getting sloppy.
“I wanted to check up on you. See how you’re doing.”
“I’m fine. Nathan’s fine.” Tabitha rubbed her head, feeling the beginning of a headache. Her family, she loved them, she did, but they were always hovering. Expecting her to have some meltdown crisis.
She’d been fine for the past five years. She would continue to be fine. There was no reason for them to stress about it. Freaking out, breaking down, was not part of who she was.
“Oh, well, if you want, I can take Nathan.”
“It’s fine. He just wants me. Thank you though.”
“I thought you were looking forward to helping with the fair. You know it’s important.”
She took a deep breath. “Actually, Mom, you wanted me to help. I didn’t sign up for it. I will go, spend some money, you know, do the right thing and all, but that’s about it.”
