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"Because he looks at you the way Sentorr looks at me," Zoey says. "And because you've been here for weeks and he's not flinging you at us or asking us to take you with us when we leave. Instead, he's bathing. And smiling. Trust me, it's a big deal." She gives my knee one last firm pat. "Besides, if I'm wrong and he says no, you're leaving anyhow, right?"
She makes it sound so easy. Just confess how I feel and let the chips fall where they may. Assume the best.
But this thing with Jerrok and me…it feels so very fragile. I'm afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and destroying it. Is it better to enjoy a short time of bliss, or gamble it all on forever?
I wish I knew. Either way, Zoey's right, though. I need to talk to Jerrok. I need to make sure he knows how I feel, and that I want to stay. I need to lay it all out, because I love him enough to strip my emotions bare, no matter how frightening it is.61JERROKThe corsairs of the Jabberwock give me knowing looks as the women head into the station to see the terrarium. I cross my arms over my chest and pretend to listen to the conversation about their most recent run-in with the law, but all I can see in my mind's eye is Sophie's face, her big eyes as she listened to the women talking, the way she looked uncertain and just a little worried. I can tell that their presence bothers her a little. Her easy smile has vanished, and even though her lips are curved, her expression is strained, as if she's just tolerating them for my sake.
In that respect, we're very alike. It's odd to me how someone as perfect as Sophie is awkward around her own kind. I thought she'd be thrilled to see them, but I couldn't help but notice that she kept glancing over at me, as if she wanted to be rescued from their conversation.
The moment the women disappear, though, Kivian drops all pretense of talking about piracy. He claps a hand on my shoulder. "Soooo…are congratulations in order?"
"For what?" I try to flick his hand off.
"A mating, of course! Connubial bliss. Potentially babies." He bangs his hand on my shoulder, and Tarekh ruffles my hair as if I'm some kit who recently just discovered his own cock. "If I may speak freely—and I think I can—I think you'll be very happy. My Fran is perfection, and if yours is half the female, she's going to keep you on your toes in all the best ways."
"We're not mated," I growl at him, shrugging both of them off. Much as I would love for it to be different, it's not. "She's just staying because the va Sithai thought it might be better for her."
"Mmm, looks like more than that to me." Kivian rubs his jaw thoughtfully.
Tarekh decides to chime in, ignoring how obviously uncomfortable the conversation makes me. "Timid little thing, I think. Reminds me of Iris when we first found her. Remember that? Just sweet and fragile and terrified of everything. She'd have starved before asking for a bite of food." He shakes his head.
For some reason, that irks me. My Sophie as timid as all that? They don't know how brave she's been. "You're wrong about that. She yelled at me when she first got here." I smile at the thought. She was also brave when she went with me to the station. Brave when she took out the pirates that thought to rob me. No. Sophie's not timid. "You just don't know her."
"THAT creature yelled at you?" Tarekh hmphs.
"Give her credit. She's not as scared as you think." I open my mouth to say more, but then a flash of conversation with Sophie floats through my memory.
I can't seem to snap out of this funk, this constant fear that everything I've fought so hard for is going to disappear out from under me again. And…I like you, and that scares me.
The thought flattens me. Sophie's only scared when she feels she has something to lose. And they thought she looked scared right now? Is it because she's afraid that the Jabberwock's arrival means she thinks she'll lose something?
Like me…?
It makes me want to shove everyone aside and go comfort her. "I think I'll go see if they need help in the terrarium—"
"Not so fast." Kivian slings a friendly arm around my shoulders, snagging me before I can get away. "The girls are probably going to talk about all kinds of things for a while. Let them swap secrets. Do you need anything bartered?" The corsair captain steers me back toward his ship, Tarekh at my back, and Sentorr stands at the hatch, stiffly alert as always. "Drink? Carcinogels? More noodles?"
