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Or what if it's just an expression and he doesn't really love me at all?
I swallow the knot in my throat and keep rubbing his arm, moving up to his neck and trying to ease some of the tension there. It's no hardship to keep touching him, to press my hands to his warm skin. Just helping him with my presence, trying to ease some of the knots of worry that build up. He's utterly focused on his task, and I bring him drinks and make a bowl of noodles for him to eat while he works. After a few hours pass, Jerrok's circuits start to twitch again, and I work on his arm and then both of his legs while he types feverishly.
"I found a record," he tells me. "An old freighter named Thief of Clouds. Stupid name, but it'll get us what we need." His gaze is locked on the data pad. "Now I just need to convert the flight logs and add some code so they override any other systems that attempt to access their records."
"You can do that?"
He laughs, not looking up. "I'm going to keffing try."
I run my fingers through his hair and then lean in and kiss his cheek. "You can do it. I'll go check on Sleipnir."
Jerrok grabs my hand before I can leave. Our eyes meet. "Sophie," he says. "Wait. We need to talk."
Oh no. His tone is utterly serious and terrifies me. I try to pull out of his grip, smiling. "It doesn't have to be right now. Really."
He ignores my words, his gaze locked on mine. "I just want you to know you don't have to worry. You'll always have a spot here."
Somehow hearing it said aloud makes everything worse. He doesn't tell me that he loves me or wants me to stay. It's that he doesn't want me to worry. I swallow hard and fight the knot in my throat. "You don't have to say that just because I don't have anywhere else to go. I'll manage. You don't need someone intruding on you permanently."
Jerrok shakes his head and his thumb skates over the inside of my wrist. "You…you're misunderstanding me."
I am? A sliver of hope pierces my heart. "What do you mean?"
"It's not intruding…not with you."64JERROKI'm such a keffing idiot.
It's not intruding, not with you. Could I have said anything stupider? I wanted to tell her that I love her and need her. That I want her on the station forever, at my side.
Instead, I choke out some foolishness about how she's not intruding, and now she's looking at me with confusion.
"Jerrok," Sophie says in a gentle voice. "Now is probably not the time to talk about this. Everyone's making gut-check decisions that they'll regret in the morning. Let's talk about things when you've had time to really sit and think about things—"
I still have her wrist n my hand, so I pull her toward me. She comes around the desk and moves to my side, resting her hip against my leg. I want to pull her into my lap, to kiss away the worry I see written on her face. Why is it so keffing hard to admit how I feel? "I'm not making a quick decision," I manage to tell her. "It's something I've thought about for a while now. You belong here. With me."
She blinks at me, her eyes wide. Then, she gestures at the Jabberwock at the far end of the hangar. "You're saying that because—"
"No. I'm saying it because of you." I slide my hand to her waist and pull her close. "Because you make me happy. I like having you here. The thought of you leaving keffing tears me up inside, and maybe I'm greedy and selfish, but I want you to stay with me. Not just until the va Sithai show up again, but always. Forever."
She stares at me in shock.
Hot discomfort pricks at my neck, but I ignore it. "Even if you don't feel the same way, I just want you to know that no matter what happens between us, you'll always be welcome here." Her silence makes me lose it. I ramble, just to say something. Anything. "It doesn't have to be in my bed. We can just be friends if that's what you'd prefer. And I'll show you how to fly the shuttle like I mentioned, because then you can come and go as you please and—"
Sophie moves forward, puts her hands on my face, and kisses me, silencing the stream of nervous nonsense I'm spewing. Her lips are soft, and the kiss brief. When she pulls away, she gazes at me with a shy smile on her face. "You've felt that way for a while?"
I nod.
"I love you," she tells me. "I want to stay here forever with you. I love being here. I love being at your side. I love waking up with you. But I didn't want you to feel pressured into taking on someone just because we slept together. I know how much you value your freedom—"
