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"I'm fine." She looks up at me, a faint smile on her lips. "I'm always fine."
She doesn't look fine, though. Her smile doesn't reach her eyes. Her lips tremble ever so slightly. She looks…lost.
"Do you like your farm?" I ask. If she's happy, then I can be happy.
"It's everything I thought it would be," Tessa says in a soft voice. She stares out the window. "Thank you for bringing me here."
I hate her soft words of thanks. I hate them, because I don't want to hear them. I want her to hate it here, to demand that I take her back to the station until we find someplace better for her, someplace safer. I want to squeeze in a few more months of being with her, a few more nights of waking up with her by my side, reaching for me in her sleep.
Selfish, greedy bastard that I am, I want to grab her, haul her over my shoulder, and march back to Port and to The Nebula Skimmer. Leave this planet behind and any agreement I made that I would bring her here. I brought her. I just never said I'd leave her here. Technically, it's the truth.
But…I can't do that to Tessa. I want her happiness more than I want my own.
Lamely, I gesture in the direction of the barn. "Your bots need a lot of work."
"Okay." Her voice is faint, as if she's overwhelmed by the amount of work to be done here. I don't know how anyone expects one slight human female to handle a farm like this on her own, much less on an alien planet, but Lucy seemed happy enough.
I hesitate. My initial plan was to drop Tessa off and leave quickly. Not because I don't want to be around her, but because I hope that it stings less if things are over with quickly. I can see that's not going to be the case, though. I'm not ready to leave. Not if she needs so much work done to her bots, and that's work I know how to do. Not when she needs an extra pair of hands to help her get started.
I study her. Tessa's good at hiding her emotions, but something seems off. Normally I can tell when she's happy. She just radiates pleasure, and it's evident in her movements and the way she carries herself. Right now, she seems reserved, her demeanor almost defeated. She might be overwhelmed with everything there is to be done, and my heart aches for her. My fierce survivor. Does she forget how strong she is? If so, I need to remind her. "You'll figure this all out in no time," I reassure her. "You're clever and a hard worker."
Her lips form a smile, but again, I get the impression that it's for my benefit. That something's still bothering her. She looks so lost and alone, seated there by the window, and it physically hurts me to see her like this. I move to her side, and when she tilts her face up to look at me, I stroke my fingers over her soft, smooth cheek. She reaches for my other hand, and her fingers are cold and clammy.
"Would you like for me to stay tonight?" I ask, even though I know the crew of The Nebula Skimmer are waiting on me back at Port. Even though it'll be that much harder to leave her in the morning, after I've spent all day today with a rock in my gut at the thought of saying goodbye.
Her face crumples and she clings to my hand. "You'd stay tonight?"
"Of course." I caress her cheek, wiping away the tear that slides down her face. "And tomorrow, if you need me. However long it takes for you to feel comfortable."
"Tonight," she agrees, her voice shaky. "Tomorrow…maybe forever?"
I go still. Forever?
Does she truly want that? Or is she just scared to be alone?
Before I can answer her, she bursts into tears. Not quiet, stoic weeping, but loud, noisy tears that make her entire body shake. She clings to my hand, holding it to her face.
"Tessa," I groan, dropping to my knees in front of her. "Don't cry, sweet one. I don't like to see you cry." I touch her constantly, wanting to grab her and haul her out of that stupid chair and into my arms. I want to hold her tight, but if I do, I'm worried I might never let her go again. "What is it that's making you so upset? Talk to me."
She just keeps crying, her shoulders shaking as she presses my hand to her face. "Zakoar…"
"If you want me to stay for a week to help you get set up, of course I will. You don't have to be afraid. I wouldn't leave you if you needed assistance. You know I wouldn't do that."
