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“No, you’re the man who thinks he can whatever he wants by the sheer force of his charm. Well Ben, I don’t want to be charmed so please, just leave me alone.”
“I can’t.” I couldn’t explain why but I couldn’t just let her walk away, I couldn’t risk that Joss might hate me forever.
“Try. You managed to do it quite nicely since I moved to town. Let’s go back to that.”
I grabbed her arm to stop her long, angry strides. “Joss, please.”
She yanked out of my grasp and folded her arms. “What, Ben? What is so important that you need to talk to me so urgently?”
“I’m sorry.” She said nothing in return. She didn’t soften or relax or show any signs of relief. “You caught me off guard-,”
“Stop. Just…stop it. You’re trying to make yourself feel better and you don’t need me for that. Good night.” She turned and walked away, even faster this time and the acid that turned my stomach over and over, returned.
I couldn’t just let her walk away but I couldn’t give her what she wanted. Could I? “Go out with me.” The words were out before I could stop them, before I could second guess my way out of them.
Joss, however, didn’t stop walking. She didn’t respond either.
“I asked you to go out with me!”
“I heard you and I don’t need a pity date,” she called back. “Thanks, though.”
“It’s not pity, it’s desire.”
“Ha!” She shook her head. “What you desire is to get me back into bed and you think a pity date will get you there. No thanks.” She stopped and turned to me, anger turning her blue eyes black under the yellow glow of the street lights. “You’re embarrassed to be seen with me, Ben. Why ask for a date now, when it’s over between us?”
“Because it’s not over. It can’t be.”
She arched a brow. “Because it’s only over when you’re ready for it to be over? Fine, go ahead, declare this thing we’ve been doing over Ben.” She folded her arms, so smug in her assumptions that it made me angry.
“I don’t want to end it.”
“And I don’t want to wait around until you’re ready to end it, so I’ve done it for us both. Good night.”
“I’ll pick you up Friday at seven thirty,” I called after her. “If you’re not ready I guess we’ll just enjoy another night inside.” It was a dick move, I knew it, but I didn’t know what the hell else to do.
Joss
“This is ridiculous.” I stood in front of the full length mirror in the corner of my bedroom and stared at Eva’s reflection as she assessed my outfit. “I’m not doing this.”
“Newsflash Joss, you already are doing this. You’re mostly dressed and your hair is sexy, your makeup is fierce. This date is happening, honey.” Eva’s tone invited no argument but everything about this night, this date, just felt wrong.
“Can we both just acknowledge that Ben is only doing this to prove some kind of point?” I didn’t believe, no matter how much I wanted to, that Ben suddenly realized we had an amazing connection and wanted to pursue it further.
“He might be doing this to prove a point, sure. But he’s also doing this because he’s not ready to use you.” Eva moved around me, smoothing the royal blue dress around my hips and fluffing my hair. “Look Joss, Ben is a man who thinks he knows what he wants. He doesn’t want to lose you but he doesn’t know why. That’s something you can work with.”
I wanted to believe that, the proof of it was in the way my heart sped up at her words. But I couldn’t let myself fall to that line of thinking. It was foolish and a guaranteed path to heartbreak. “What he doesn’t want to lose, is his secret no-string sex.”
“No strings?” Eva tossed her head back and laughed, clutching her belly just in case I didn’t understand how silly she thought I was being. “There are tons of strings between the two of you. Wanting each other is a string. The feelings you both refuse to own up to, are strings. And then there’s the fact that you work together. Strings all over the place.”
“Those aren’t real strings because, other than work, they can but cut at any time. I think we should just cut them now and start moving on.” It was the best move for everyone. “Right now my feelings are growing but if this goes on any longer, I could really get hurt.”
“It’s gonna hurt either way, Joss. The question is do you want to quit before you find out what could really be between you, or do you want to fall and hope for the best?”
“I want to quit.”
“No you don’t, you’re just scared. Ben is a good guy who is used to things going his way, until you. Now he has to figure out what he’s willing to do to keep you. Let him.”
