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Fuck. She must have it turned off.
I left a message.
“Look, Becca. Please call me. I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have yelled. I don’t know what’s happening, or why, but I would like to know you’re okay.”
While I normally would have gone out and hit the bars to take my mind off unpleasantries right about now, this time I stayed in, hoping Becca would call me back.
Stupidly, I Googled myself, and read all the things out there about me, paying close attention to the last 48 hours.
Donna’s name was never mentioned, or Becca’s, even though Becca’s house was in the video the Leviathans gave the press.
I felt bad that I had wrecked havoc in her life, and Mark’s too, and I just wanted to do something to make everything better.
But I had a feeling this could be the end. Maybe Becca and I were destined to be star-crossed lovers and that one time of hot sex and close conversation was all that we could ever enjoy.
Not if I had anything to say about it, though.
Somehow, some way, I needed to save this situation and get what I now knew to be our destiny back on track.Chapter 9BeccaI called Angela after Neil left. I couldn’t stop crying enough to talk, but somehow Angela seemed to figure things out.
Anyone with a television probably could.
“C’mon, Becca,” she said, in her best “let’s be reasonable here” tone of voice. “I know this is an emotional situation and that you’re afraid to trust and jump to negative conclusions and worst case scenarios and all of that. But do you really think Neil would do this? I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
I resented her characterization of me.
Afraid to trust?
Always jumping to worst case scenarios?
But when I really thought about it, I had to admit she was right.
She knew me better than anyone and it was how I had protected my heart and stayed focused on parenting ever since James had died. Or even before that. It was how I had survived an unhappy marriage in which he mistreated me.
I knew not all men were like that.
Although apparently, I didn’t show it very well.
And yet, I wasn’t so sure that I was just being paranoid.
I didn’t want to be taken for a ride.
“You know his reputation, Ang,” I protested. “In fact, you’re the one who showed me where to look.”
“Sometimes men behave badly, then change everything for the right woman,” she countered. “You have history with him. At least hear him out.”
I sighed, not wanting to listen to her but knowing I probably should.
“Plus, you forget, I’ve met Donna,” she continued. “That woman thinks her son walks on water, even from the grave. You and I know that isn’t true. I’m sorry, but if my David grew up to be a monster, I sure as shit wouldn’t be pretending that he wasn’t and letting him keep it up. And this isn’t some sisterhood thing, either. Right is right. I know you’d do the same, because you’re raising Mark right.”
“I know. I think I just need a couple of days to clear my head.”
I felt so confused.
I just wanted clarity and a sure way out of this situation, but it was too complicated for that. I had a feeling that the answers would come to me in time, but I had never been great at being patient.
Still, I knew true love was worth waiting for and fighting for.
I just had to be the type of person who would fight for it, instead of the type who was afraid to trust or love.
I had lived my life like that for too long. But I was ready to change now, for Neil, just as he had changed his ways for me.
I knew we would work out if only I could get my act together and figure out a way back to him.
Angela and I talked for about an hour, then I let her go so that she could make lunch. Mark was at Donna’s house—my new favorite person—and I decided to suck it up and use this free time off work and without Mark to clean up the house.
There was still wrapping paper everywhere, and Mark’s room was a mess. Usually, I made him clean it up but decided I could do a little straightening.
I wondered if work had seen the piece on the news, then I realized they didn’t know what the front of my house looked like and so far, my name had been kept out of all the stories. So at least I had that much working in my favor through this whole sordid mess.
I went to the kitchen and ran hot water in the sink to do some dishes. As I washed, my mind played through the day before, but backwards. I thought about Donna. I had always treated her with respect, since she was my mother-in-law and the grandmother of my son.
