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She shook her head. “From a professional standpoint, no.”
“Because I’m damaged goods? I was a junkie so I won’t get work? I was hoping that using my real name would keep people from finding out I was in rehab.”
Anita laughed. “The press are a tenacious and malicious lot, but that wouldn’t be a serious problem for you, anyway. If people who were damaged goods didn’t work, no one would. You know damn well that half the population of catwalks are junkies—not the top ones, but a lot. No. You were out of circulation for almost a year.”
“Between the time it took to hit bottom and drag my ass back up, a bit more.”
“The jobs you messed up before you went into rehab hurt you more, but we could deal with that too. I’d get you some small jobs and you’d prove yourself. That’s no harder than rebuilding your credit when you’ve fucked up. The real problem is that things have changed in the business.”
“So I need to retrain?”
“With the Internet, things are moving at hyperspeed. As far as our current clients are concerned, you don’t have the right look.”
“I’m obsolete?”
Anita held her hands out, showing her they were empty. “That’s about right.”
“I can do a makeover. I was thinking I needed to do that anyway so I could start fresh.”
“It’s more than that. You are too old.”
“Too old? I’m twenty-four.”
“In this market, you might as well be forty-two. The truth is that even if you hadn’t dropped off the radar, you’d be having a tough time getting shoots now.”
“So I’m history?”
“Things can change again, though. Make sure I have your number, and if something comes up I’ll call, but honestly, you know it’s a cyclical business. The cycles are going faster too. What’s in goes out quickly.”
“Are you still handling Judy?”
“Judy Wilson? Yes.”
“She and I did a lot of the same kind of work.”
“And she hasn’t had a shoot since the Toyota ads three months ago. She’s lucky that was a big one. The ad agency wants the new look for the next round. Judy told me she expected this. She saved some money and she’s thinking of starting a PR agency.”
“So the baton is handed to a new generation?”
Anita smiled. “You understand.”
She did. Beyond being an ex-junkie, she was last year’s flavor in an industry where a year was an eternity. Even if Anita got her work, it wouldn’t be a career. Maybe it had never been a career. Maybe she’d had a long run of good fortune. After all, she’d never paid attention to what happened with her peers. She’d been much too self-centered for that. Too focused on having a good time.
She couldn’t let herself go down that road again. Maybe being kicked to the curb was a good thing.
“Thanks for the brutal honesty, Anita.”
“Nothing else makes sense, Joan. It doesn’t do either of us any good to get your hopes up. That doesn’t pay bills.”
She felt lighter suddenly. “I was probably foolish to even consider modeling again—it would put me back in the center of all the things I didn’t deal well with last time.”
Anita stood up, grinning. “I always liked you, Joan. Now I’m proud of you.”
When she left, Joan let herself recall the life she’d led. Even when it had been good, and at times it was wonderful, the life was too hectic, demanding. She didn’t need that kind of pressure now.
But she needed something. A direction. A focus.
That meant analysis—the kind of thing that Lissa was good at. Now that they were close, she felt comfortable talking to her about it. She would see it from the outside.
# # #
Lissa considered the question, wondering if any insights she might have would be right for her sister. They were quite different people, and when you were setting goals, they had to be right for you. “I’m willing to help, but I need you to promise me you won’t get offended if any of my ideas seem silly.”
“Okay.”
“If what I come up with is off base, tell me why, honestly, and it will give our model a useful feedback loop.”
“A feedback loop?”
“A way for me to reevaluate my assumptions. I listen to your reaction and make adjustments.”
“Okay.”
“For instance, and this is just an offhand idea, not something thought out, it would help us both if you were interested in working for me, with me.”
“Doing what? I have no business skills, and I have almost no idea what you really do.”
“I’m thinking of a more personal service. You know I’m eager to get back to work. Interviewing and evaluating people to take care of the kids and keep house is going to be a nightmare. If you had the least interest in doing it, that would be fantastic. I can trust you with the kids, and with my stuff, obviously, which would be a huge plus.”
“I don’t know that much about child care.”
“Getting pregnant doesn’t seem to have instilled a lot of knowledge and wisdom on that score in me. A person who was still mobile, on the other hand, could start attending classes on child care and home economics—on my dime.”
A smile crossed Joan’s face. “I guess so.”
“That was just a wild idea out of the blue, although now that I’ve said it out loud… That sure would be nice for me. Still, we are looking at what’s right for you
. To do that, you need to think about the crazy-assed suggestions I come up with and get back to me with why you think it would be a bad idea or what aspects you might like. I take that in and then the next one will be more on target.”
Joan looked at her sister and Lissa saw that something had caught her imagination. “That one is weird enough to think about,” she said. “From model to nanny.”
“You don’t need to take it seriously.”
“Assuming I said yes, that would help you, right?”
“This analysis, what we are trying to do, is aimed at figuring out what’s right for you.”
“It would let me see my nieces, nephews, whatever you’ve got stuffed in there, growing up.”
“And it would pay a salary.”
“And free you to go back to work.”
“Where are we taking this, Joan? Are you actually considering it?”
“I need to think about it, but it would involve me in your life, which might be nice for a time.”
“Make certain you think of everything that might suck about working for me…”
“Like the fact that you are such a hard-nosed bitch.”
“I might be at times. And think about working a lot of weird hours—you know my schedule. And sometimes we’d travel at a moment’s notice.”
“Forced to see the world? Damn.”
“But you’d be taking care of the kids, not sightseeing.”
“Kids need to see museums too. If we did this, you’d need a bigger apartment. You need a bigger one, anyway. No matter what, you’ll need something with a bedroom for me near to a pretty big nursery.”
“Oh my God, yes. Do you know I haven’t even looked into that?”
“While I’m thinking, I could start researching that for you.”
“You could?”
“Sure. It might give me some insight into doing that kind of thing for an ungrateful employer, and I can I think about what it might be like to be an overpaid super-nanny for a hard-nosed businesswoman.”
“Overpaid?”
Joan put her hands on her hips. “What would mom think if you took advantage of family?”
Lissa reached for her water. “And here I thought hiring you might make all this easier.”
