She drags any hint of it out by its feet, kicking and screaming.
Still, I have to try.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” I say. “Remember when we were kids? Imagine me being fake-engaged toEthan.”
“And going at it like rabbits!” Margot reminds me with a feral grin.
“Yes. And that.” I try to be brave but my cheeks flush anyway.
“I didn’t see it coming,” she says, pursing her lips. “I mean, I obviously always figured you’d get married, but not to my brother.”
Ah, the opening I hoped for.
“Surprise. Pretty crazy considering what it was like when we were kids,” I say, hoping my voice seems calm. “And he was always dating around.”
“Yeah.” Margot laughs.
“I wonder…” I hesitate. “Did he ever say much about his summer dates? Just curious.”
Real smooth, Hattie. Why are you really probing?
“Not really.” Margot leads us down another aisle, bursting with more colorful premade arrangements. “He kept things pretty low-key. I don’t think he wanted me knowing who he was boning, you know? I’m his sister. It’s weird.”
That’s not what I was looking for, but I nod, touching the bouquets absently to pretend I’m interested.
“That makes sense.”
“The flings never went anywhere.” She shrugs. “I think he always ghosted the girls or self-sabotaged. It was easy with his looks and his name to leave girls flapping in the breeze. I guess he never wanted to commit or let things get too serious. He’d cut off pretty ruthlessly. Same crap he still pulls as an adult, I’m sure.”
“You think?” I hate the way I gasp.
She stops and looks at me.
“I mean, whenever I asked him about it, there was always something ‘wrong’ with the girls, you know? Like, the kind of BS that’s only an excuse.” Margot rolls her eyes. “Too boring, too plain, too skinny, too tanned. I think he complained about a gap in some lady’s teeth once.”
All superficial stuff.
That shouldn’t surprise me, knowing what Ethan was like back then, but for some reason it slams me in the gut.
Surely, he’s grown up, right?
I catch a glimpse of myself in the window.
It’s just a smudge of reflection really, distorted by dusty glass and light, but it makes my thighs lookenormous.
Hello, insecurity.
I stiffen, fighting to chase the intrusive thought away.
None of this should matter.
Ethan told merepeatedlyhe likes me just the way I am.
Why can’t that be enough?
“You don’t need to worry, though, as long as you don’t start taking anything too seriously. Don’t let it go to your head and get attached. Best way to not get burned.” Margot smiles at me.
“I’m sure he’s changed,” I rush out.
