Her shoulders tense as I finally look at her fully, her green eyes clear and beautiful as emeralds. I have to hold my breath.
“Okay, well, that’s great and all but… what do you want, Ethan?”
Isn’t it obvious?
You, woman.
Always, always you.
My gaze intensifies, knowing it won’t be that easy.
“I wasted years thinking about the dead, the way I took off and let tragedy rule my life. When all this new stuff hit, I slid back into old patterns. Bad habits that never helped me a damn. Now, I’m for the future. I want to be done looking back.”
I take her hand then, stroking my thumb over the softest skin.
She doesn’t relax.
“Ethan, no,” she whispers tensely. “After what happened, I don’t think we can just pick up and carry on like nothing happened. When you blew up, you hurt me.”
I know.
I fucking know.
“There’s no future worth living without you, Hattie,” I say quietly, not shying away from the shocked look she throws back. “I need you in my life. All of you. All your quirks, your books, your sunshine. I need my lighthouse, Pages. I need my beacon, always bringing me back from the darkness in my soul. A reminder why I should never let myself get tossed around by badmemories and booze—not if I still have a harbor. Not if I have you.”
My throat clenches around the last word, black smoke boiling in my lungs.
Her free hand goes to her mouth and she gives me wide eyes. Staring like she can’t quite wrap her mind around how real I’m being, but she wants to.
It’s like she’s just waiting to wake up from this dream and wind up back in the real world where I’m still a huge, selfish asshole. Still walking out on her so I can frolic around with my own demons.
“I’m sorry I hurt you,” I whisper. “So goddamned sorry I can’t put it into words. I know that won’t make up for what I did, but I am. Also…”
I clear my throat roughly.
Tears glimmer in her eyes and I take her wrist, pulling her hand away from her face, brushing it away gently so I can have her full attention.
“Also, I love you.” I growl the words. “And I was a braindead idiot for not telling you a month ago. A bigger fool to push you away when I needed you the most. Pages, if you’ll let me, I’ll make it up to you. I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how real that fake engagement was meant to be.”
“The rest of your life? You can’t be serious.” She’s shaking as it dawns on her.
There’s my cue to slide off the bench, kneeling at her feet, not caring that a small puddle seeps through my pants and soaks my knees.
I grab her hands, holding them, staring up at the judge, jury, and executioner of my future.
“Ethan, holy crap, you—youcannotbe serious!”
“Never been more serious, woman. I wish like hell I had the ring, but you left it back at my place. It’s there, waiting, and it’sall up to you. Say yes, and you get it back. Say yes, and you get me. You get my promise I’ll always do my damnedest to put you before the sun and the stars. You get all of me, Hattie Sage. A whole lifetime proving I’m crazy in love with you.”
“Oh my God.” Her blonde hair waves as she shakes her head. “Ethan, how can you propose right now? Like this?”
“Because I’ve wasted too much time. After today, I know what I really want, and it has me by the throat. It also has nothing to do with the company or what Gramps wanted when he shuffled off his mortal coil.” I press her fingers to my lips. “It’s you, Pages. Just you. You forever. You always, before I even knew what it meant to love you.”
Her fingers tremble against my mouth as I kiss them.
Her breath catches.
“Holy crap. Holy crap, you can’t mean that.”
