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Zoe saw the look of shock on Nick’s face before she saw her father coming back out, holding a shot gun and aiming it at Nick whilst delivering an ultimatum. Hastily, Zoe flung open the window.
“Dad! Stop it!”
Davis Blanchard looked irritably up to the bedroom window. “What? I was only going to fire a warning. At worst, maybe wing him. Dent the car a bit. Now that would hurt. That bill wouldn’t be cheap.”
“Zoe!” Nick yelled up at her. “I have to talk to you!”
“I’ve got nothing to say to you!” Zoe snapped back, trying to remain haughty and aloof, ignoring her divided nature which was currently flipping between the desire to kiss Nick and the need to burst into tears, neither of which options represented the strength she wished to project.
“That works out well!” Nick called back. “Cause I just need you to listen.”
“How about I shoot the tires?” suggested Davis, hopefully.
“Then how would he leave?” Zoe pointed out.
Davis pondered a moment. “How about if I take out the wing mirrors, or something like that, then he’d still be able to drive away but he’d lose his security deposit.” It wasn’t his ideal of revenge, but in the circumstances a forfeited security deposit was better than nothing.
“No shooting!” Zoe reiterated. It now occurred to her that there was something very odd about a man who owned a Ferrari Daytona turning up in a hired car, especially a piece of crap Ford like the one he was driving. Of course the Daytona was in France but a man like Nick definitely had other cars or could at least afford to hire a better one than this. Something odd was going down. But she could not let curiosity get the better of her. “Go away!”
“No!” Nick called back. “Not until you’ve heard me out!”
Davis leveled the shotgun once more.
“Dad!”
“What? He wasn’t going!”
“You may as well shoot me,” said Nick, moving nervously from foot to foot. “That’s the only way I’m leaving.”
Davis leveled the shotgun.
“Dad!”
“What? He said I could!”
Zoe took a deep breath. At this point, hearing what Nick had to say might be easier than having him camped out on her doorstep. But was she just using that as an excuse to spend time with him, to be close to him, to give way to her desperate desire to be with him again? That was obviously a possibility, but on the other hand; what were her current options?
She could go back into her room and ignore him, but in that case she really thought that Nick would not leave, and would either have to be dragged off by the police or shot by her father, who would then be dragged off by the police. Or she could hear what he had to say and then tell him to go, at which point she thought he probably would. What was the worst that could happen? What could he say that would make things any worse than they were?
He might try to explain what she had overheard, in which case she would simply not believe him since it was hardly mis-interpretable and would continue to despise him as the liar he had already proved himself to be. Alternatively he might break the habits of a lifetime and try telling the truth and apologizing for his behavior and his words, in which case Zoe would have a pinch more respect for him, would hope that he had learned from the experience, would thank him for his apology, and would then proceed to tell him with anatomical specificity exactly where he could shove it.
Both these options seemed to come with the assumption that he also wanted her back, because: why else would he bother coming here? Nick being the man he was, he would only have made this trip if he had something to gain. Zoe could not see how he could make money out of her once more, unless perhaps he had another bet on, and he did not strike her as a man who was hard-up for sex. Could he want her back simply because he liked her? She shook the thought from her mind as soon as it had tip-toed in.
No.
That was the weak part of her raising its pathetic head again. He was a user of women, he had never loved her, he had proven he was incapable of love.
There was one darker scenario that hovered at the back of her mind. Had he come to tell her that it was all true? Had he come here with no regret whatsoever, with no apology for what he had done or shame for what he had said? Was it possible that he had come here to make her feel worse?
It seemed a long way to come for that, but Nick Rothberger was a man with money in his pocket and time on his hands, and for some, causing distress was just a form of entertainment.
To hear what he really thought of her over that intercom had been devastating for Zoe, to hear it face to face with the man she had thought she loved, while he laughed at the fact that she had loved him… At that point she would probably just let her father shoot him. It did not seem likely that that was why he was here, but just the thought of it sent a tremor through Zoe.
“All right. I’m coming down.”
“Zoe!” Her father chided her. “He is a no-good, double timing, lying, son-of-a-bitch who abused you and our hospitality!”
“I’ll hear him out, Dad.”
In the end, only two things mattered. Firstly, she would not believe him or take him back under any circumstances – she was done. Secondly, he had already hurt her more than anyone in her life had ever done before – what more could he really do?
It was difficult for Zoe to walk out across the little distance between the house and the car, seeing Nick there. Her attraction to him was still so powerful, clashing with the contempt she felt for a man who would do what he had done. It was a hot and uncomfortable mixture of emotion and she was glad that she had taken a precaution to steady herself against it.
“Is that a raccoon?” asked Nick, frowning as Zoe approached.
“This is Lion.”
“The raccoon’s name is Lion?”
Zoe drew herself up to her full height (which didn’t take long). “Are you going to start criticizing how I named my stuffed animals now? Here I was thinking you were all out of hurtful things to say.”
One look at Nick’s face when she said that was enough to tell Zoe that, whatever the reason for which he had come here, he was not here to hurt her more.
“Zoe, I…” Nick cast about for something to say, unable to look Zoe in the face. “I knew exactly what I was going to say, but now it all sounds so… small. So worthless. Like me. That’s what I am without you: small and worthless. And I’ve only got myself to blame.”
He finally met her gaze. “I’m sorry. I know that’s pathetic and pointless and nowhere near enough to make up for what you heard, but it’s all I’ve got. Sorry.” He swallowed uncomfortably, as Zoe just stared, stony-faced. “For what it’s worth, what you heard - and I’m not making excuses here – what you heard was only part of what I said. And… just the absolute worst part you could have heard. The odds against you hearing…” he shook his head. “That’s not th
e point. I can’t blame the odds. I did think that about you.”
Zoe felt her stomach contract; she had not expected him to say that.
“But that was before I got to know you,” Nick went on. “And I know that’s such a cliché thing to say in this situation. But it’s true. And I don’t mean that once I got to know you I was able to see past your flaws to the fabulous person inside, I don’t mean that at all. I mean that getting to know you made me a better person, the sort of person who would never say those things, or even see those things in the first place. You stopped me from being the shallow, lazy jackass that I’ve been all my life, and all it took was spending time with you. You are, without any shadow of a doubt, the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me, I wouldn’t hurt you for the world, and I can’t put into words how upset I was to find out what had happened – what I’d done.”
He shook his head again. “This is all my fault. If I’d been a better person I’d never have thought those things about you at all, I’d never have made a bet to change you – and I wouldn’t change one damn thing about you! I wouldn’t have rushed back from France to try and keep hold of money when I could have been with you, which was all that mattered. Every step of the way I’ve done the wrong thing. I could’ve told you about that stupid bet at any point and ended it and just…”
He looked at the ground. “Well, no sense dwelling on what might have been. I don’t expect you to forgive me, that’s not why I came here – I needed you to know the truth. I needed you to know that all that stuff you heard was said weeks ago by a man who doesn’t exist anymore, a man I’m now ashamed of, a man that you made history. I didn’t want to leave you with any doubts or insecurities of any kind.” He looked Zoe in the eyes once more. “You are the best and most brilliant person I have ever met, and the fact that, for a moment there, someone like you maybe had feelings for me, is perhaps the only worthwhile moment of my entire life.”
He turned away. “I’ll go now. I’m so sorry.”
