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It sure was fun looking at them, imagining them on our beautiful child. It still made me mad that we hadn’t come up with a name for our son.
Julien finally caught up with me and the bodyguards spread out throughout the store, one sticking close by on the other side of the aisle, keeping tabs on me at all times. I wanted to say something, but I wasn't gonna make a big deal about this anymore. If this was the price I had to pay to get out and see the world beyond the estate, I was happy to pay it.
"See anything you fancy?" He asked me, running his fingers along an infant-sized velvet tracksuit. I raised my brow at him.
"They have a lot to choose from, sure. Some of the stuff is pretty cute, but some of it just seems, I don't know, a little too grown for a baby if you ask me. I do like these little sleeper sets though." I pointed to the furry pajamas that ended in cute little footies with animal faces on them. Julien laughed and smiled along with me. Even he wasn’t immune to the cuteness.
It took a while, but I ended up draping a few different items over my arm, slightly disappointed in the lack of baby boy clothes. Julien went up front to pay for everything while I hung around the front of the store, looking out the window and people watching.
And it went on like that for the next few hours, going into one store picking out a few things here and there and moving onto the next. I was starting to wear out when Julien offered me a little relief.
"Would you like to get some lunch?" Julien asked.
I vigorously nodded my head yes. "Starving, and I’d love to get off my feet for a few minutes. What should we do about lunch?"
He looked up and down the street, his eyes seeking out something I couldn't find myself.
"If memory serves me correctly, there is a very good restaurant less than a block away down the road. They have fantastic food. I used to go there all the time."
When Julien says fantastic, he sure means it. When I finally had a menu in my hands there was no way I could choose… I ended up with the sampler plate, which was full of small portions from the whole menu. Once I had finished the sampler that included some of the best shrimp I had ever had, I ordered the blueberry tart. Combining my love for blueberries and my love for all things tart related. It was definitely a wise decision, especially once I took that first flaky bite.
"So I know you're not going to like this, but this is important. I think this might be the last time you'll be able to go outside of the grounds for awhile. There's just too much at stake, and Agent Wilson hasn’t exactly inspired confidence… I would really just feel better if you were to stay inside at the château, at least until the baby has arrived..."
I thought about it for a moment, dread fresh in my gut. I knew he was right, but the idea of staying inside for the next… indefinitely… It sounded almost like a prison sentence to me.
"While I agree about not going outside of the grounds, do you really expect me to be able to handle staying inside for months on end?"
"I don't expect it, no. But I don't really see any way around it, do you?" he asked in earnest.
"I'll stay inside… But we need to come up with a better plan, because you can’t keep me holed up in a house forever.”
And with that, I ordered yet another smaller tart to enjoy all by myself. I was in Paris, and this may have been the last time I would be able to go for a long time, particularly if Julien had any say about it. As far as I was concerned, stuffing my face was part of living it up.
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Chapter 32
I examined my fingernails, groaning as I realized I had gotten the bright pink polish all along the skin surrounding them. I would have to take the nail polish remover and start all over again, and that would be the second time already. Was I ever going to be able to do my nails as well as Leah could back at home?
I wondered if maybe it was just the color that was throwing off my game. Maybe I needed something to better match the changing seasons instead. Although I couldn’t feel it, I could practically see the chill in the air outside as the surrounding trees on the mountains began turning vivid shades of red, orange, and yellow.
As much as I tried to distract myself with silly things like nail polish and binge-watching TV on the new tablet Julien bought me, I just couldn't shake this feeling like it was all getting ready to come down on me.
I didn't let Julien know, but I had been waking up several times every single night…
These nightmares I had been having—they were a mix of the old and the new. Part of them revolved around the shooting incident, but part of them revolved around safety anxiety and the thought of someone coming to get me and the baby. It was hard enough not to think about it during the daytime as it was. I didn't want nor need these troubles following me into my sleep.
Julien had caught me a few times, and ended up asking me to talk to Dr. Thibodeau about taking something to help me sleep better. Call me crazy, but I didn't want to ingest any pills this late into the pregnancy.
I looked back down at my nails and scrunched my nose. They were as good as they were going to get. Thoroughly frustrated, I cleaned everything up and headed back towards the billiards room, where Julien and Desmond were shooting a few games of pool while Desmond was on break.
I was trying so hard not to think about it, but the truth was I was feeling hopeless at this point. Agent Wilson hadn’t given us any good news lately and I had come to the conclusion that I’d never live a normal life again…
I felt like something to be ashamed of, something that no one could ever talk about. Like in one of those horror stories where they keep the girl locked up in the attic or basement.
Not only did I wish I didn't have to live with that, but there was our son to think about.
Maybe that had been what was causing the nightmares.
