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A small pang hit him at the thought of Sinclair Industries no longer being a family-held company, but the alternative was unthinkable. He couldn’t imagine giving up the life he had, the freedom to indulge his every whim and experience anything he chose, to chain himself to this desk for ten hours per day, sometimes even longer.
Where had such a life gotten his father? He’d wasted the best and brightest years of his life building the company, often away from his family, while planning all the things he would do when “someday” came. Instead, he had ended up dead at forty-two. Sawyer wasn’t going to be like that. He wasn’t going to waste his life in an office when each day was so precious. He intended to enjoy every day fully.
He’d certainly been enjoying every night with Nadia, he thought with a small grin. How he loved returning to her in the evenings, finding her smiling and waiting for him. He had half-expected her to politely suggest she move on, since he was going to be stuck there for a while longer. Instead, she had settled in, providing a supportive role to his mother and Harold, who had come home from the hospital three days ago. Nadia seemed to fit in with his family, perhaps far better than he ever had, and it was a relief.
It also scared the hell out of him. She fit easily into his life, making him think all sorts of thoughts that had never been appealing to him before. The past two days, his thoughts kept returning to that pink sapphire and diamond engagement ring he had bypassed earlier. The fact that he was even considering the idea of proposing made him jumpy and anxious. He couldn’t believe he’d allowed himself to feel so much for someone.
It was inevitable Nadia would want things he couldn’t give her. Right now, she was focused on her dream of racing for the America’s Cup, but at some point, her thoughts would turn to more commonplace pursuits. If they got married, she would expect him to settle down in a steady life, probably stuck in this very office.
The thought that terrified him the most was she would eventually want children. That was not happening. Not ever. He was in no frame of mind to ever welcome having a child, and he couldn’t imagine marrying someone who wanted children when he didn’t. He would never force a woman to give up having children to be with him.
Of course, he didn’t know for certain if she wanted children. Nadia was unconventional in many ways, and perhaps he would luck out and discover she was as interested in remaining child-free as he was. Even if she was okay with that, there was still the future to consider. He couldn’t tie himself to her. It would be unthinkable to accept the life his father had once had, even for someone as wonderful as Nadia.
No, it was far better to push aside thoughts of settling down and getting serious. If that was the course he was going to pursue—and it was the most logical one—it was time to start signaling that to Nadia as well. He was a master at extricating himself from unwanted relationships, and though part of him longed to keep her, he knew it was the wrong choice for both of them. With that determination firmly in mind, he worked out a strategy as he slaved away in his father’s old office for the rest of the afternoon.
Chapter Thirteen
Nadia’s stomach fluttered with excitement when the door opened that evening. It amused and slightly alarmed her how much she looked forward to Sawyer’s return each day. It wasn’t the phy
sical intimacy, though that still blew her mind, as much as it was just enjoying his presence.
The several hours per day they spent apart seemed to drag on, even when she was busy helping Caitlin or Harold. When she wasn’t occupied with them, she was researching how to start her racing team, though she didn’t have a firm date in mind for beginning. The only concrete step she’d made thus far was to set up an appointment with a shipbuilder for the following week.
Fortunately, Timothy Wynndt had been helpful in recommending someone, and he’d provided useful advice via email on a few occasions. It felt good to know her dreams are in reach, but she was disconcerted to realize she would have given them up if Sawyer had asked her to do so.
She tried to hide the turmoil in her thoughts as she went to greet him, not wanting him to see the confliction inside. Somehow, in the past two weeks since he had stepped in for his grandfather, she had fallen in love with him completely. It was crazy and disconcerting, but strangely pleasing. She had never anticipated feeling this way about a man, at least not for several years until after her own dreams were fulfilled, and she never would have guessed it would be Sawyer Sinclair.
He had gone from womanizing heartbreaker to family man and shouldered responsibility without complaint, albeit with clear reluctance. It wasn’t that she preferred this version of Sawyer over the other. In fact, she missed the lighthearted Sawyer, but either version touched her heart. They were close, closer than she’d ever imagined being with anyone, and if he decided to stay and run his company, she would find a way to make her dreams work around his responsibilities, or she would give them up.
She put her arm around his waist, stretching upward for a kiss. Instead of hitting his lips, hers grazed his cheek when he turned his head slightly. She frowned at him, unsettled when he didn’t meet her eyes. He gave her a brief hug before stepping back under the auspices of shedding his tie and setting down his briefcase. She was wounded when he didn’t turn back to her after he had done those tasks.
Instead, he walked the opposite direction toward the kitchen. A faint strain of apprehension made her stomach tremble, but she shrugged it off. There was nothing to be gained from reading too much into his actions. Likely, he’d just had a hard day, and they would discuss it later.
Harold had insisted on joining them at the table, though his nurse looked frustrated by it. Though now in a wheelchair, he vowed it wouldn’t be a permanent adjustment. Nadia believed him, having seen the way he worked tirelessly under his physical therapists, often commanding them to do more, to push him harder.
It was only a matter of time until the older man regained his health and probably most of his lost abilities, aside from the permanent damage to his leg from the first stroke. He was still as sharp as ever, and clearly as determined, but there was a new lightness around the older man too. Apparently, the mantle of leadership had hung heavily around his neck, and he had gladly passed it on to his grandson.
As though he was actually wearing an invisible weight around his neck, Sawyer’s shoulders slumped forward as he ate without enthusiasm. Something was definitely bothering him, and she was impatient to finish dinner so she could find out what it was. Nadia didn’t have corporate expertise, but she was a good listener, and she had helped him find solutions to other problems that had cropped up the past two weeks.
Instead of giving her the chance to talk, he pushed back from the table after dinner and announced randomly, “I have some work to finish up, so I won’t be joining you for coffee tonight.” He turned to look at Nadia, his face impassive. “Don’t wait up for me, since I don’t know how long I’ll be.”
She frowned, but nodded slowly. It wasn’t like him at all. He generally kept work confined to the office, and the evenings were for them. She understood though, even if she didn’t like not having him for the evening. There was probably a lot to catch up on, and he was still learning all the myriad facets of the business necessary for the CEO to know to work efficiently. She hadn’t yet broached the subject of if he would sell the company, but it seemed unlikely since he had stepped into the role and was dedicated enough to work on his off hours.
Later, in their room, she did her best to wait up for him, but her eyes got heavier as hours passed. Sometime after one a.m., she had to put away her Kindle and lay down. She was still fighting sleep, but unable to resist its pull a little while later. Sawyer had not returned before she fell asleep.
Chapter Fourteen
That night set the tone for the next few days. Sawyer would leave for work early and come home late, often missing dinner with the family. When he did come home, he worked late into the night, and Nadia was too tired to wait up for him. Perhaps her caretaker support role was weighing more heavily on her than she had expected, because she was finding herself retiring earlier in the evening even though she wanted to wait for Sawyer. There was definitely something wrong, and they needed to talk, but he seemed determined to ignore or avoid her.
When she fell asleep without him and woke alone for the fifth morning in a row, Nadia forced herself to really analyze his actions. She had been shying away from it, chalking it up to stress or excess work, but it seemed startlingly clear that he was avoiding her specifically. There was only one reason why he would do that, and that was because the relationship was at an end.
She didn’t know much about his partings with his usual women, but she knew he hadn’t shied away from sending them packing whenever he was done. She must have warranted more circumspect handling due to the longer nature of the relationship, coupled with the pretense they had presented to his family in the beginning. He was obviously anxious to escape, but he didn’t want to tell her.
An irrationally angry part of her wanted to pack her things and leave without looking back, but Nadia took a deep breath and forced herself to think straight. She wasn’t the impulsive type, and she also wasn’t the kind to leave things without closure. If she had misjudged him, she would feel terrible for running away if he was just having a rough spot that was business-related, or perhaps a personal crisis about stepping into the role of leadership when he had been used to living carefree and strings-free.
If he was through with her, he owed her the words telling her that. Nadia needed resolution, not to be cosseted and protected—or gently nudged to disappear on her own. She vowed they would have a firm and straightforward discussion about it that day, even if she had to go into his office herself. He wouldn’t be as likely to slip away there.
With a firm course of action in mind, she felt better as she dressed and prepared to implement her plan. When she went downstairs, it was no surprise to find Sawyer had left hours before, at least according to the maid, so she forced a cheerful disposition as she joined Caitlin and Harold for breakfast. Kiersten had already left for the office as well, as she usually had by this time. After their pleasant meal, though her insides were torn up with anxiety she refused to show, she invented a pretext to visit the city and borrowed the driver to take her in.
