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“Not like you, Amara. You really inspire me and lots of people to be better, you know? To reach for something bigger and accomplish something that matters and will last.”

Hearing that, Amara’s eyes teared up, and the dam holding back her emotions cracked, split in two. “I don’t deserve your praise.”

“Of course you do.”

“No, I really don’t, Kari. I’m giving up my baby, but I don’t really want to. I’m a bad person.”

“That’s ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with giving up a baby for adoption. Hey, don’t cry. It’s okay. You don’t have to give him up if you don’t want to.”

“Oh, Kari. I have to give him up. But I really, really want to see him. And at the same time, I don’t. Once I hold him, I won’t be able to let him go. I read a lot about that. Momma’s out right now to see him, and even that’s hard to take.”

Kari studied her thoughtfully. “If you’re having second thoughts, you should take some time to rethink everything, you know? Once those final papers are signed, and the baby’s with the adoptive parents, you’re not gonna be able to change your mind. I looked into the adoption laws and everything. You only have a few days to reconsider before you can’t do anything about it.”

Amara’s lip quivered slightly, and she lowered her head. “I … I don’t know if the law applies in my case. It’s complicated.”

“What do you mean, complicated? It seems pretty simple to me. You’re not ready for a child, the father’s out of the picture, there’s a nice, well-to-do couple who want to adopt, and you might be having second thoughts. It couldn’t be more cut and dried from where I’m sitting.”

Amara needed someone who understood everything, someone who knew the true story of her bargain and who could advise her. She’d been wanting to tell Kari for so long, but part of her was uncertain about how Kari might react, afraid her friend might think differently about her after discovering the pact she’d made with Quint Forbes.

Amara took a deep breath and was calmed by the scents Kari had brought into the room for her. She couldn’t hold the truth back anymore.

Before she could stop herself, she began to confess. “Oh God, Kari. I haven’t told you everything. The truth, about everything. There is no couple, and the father is very much in the picture.”

Chapter Nine

KARI’S EYES WIDENED, AND SHE inhaled sharply. “He is? But you said —”

“Wait,” Amara interrupted before Kari could say anything else. “It’s a whole different thing, and I couldn’t tell you because it’s … irregular. There’s this guy I knew, that I know, and he wanted a baby, so I did the insemination thing for him. I don’t have anything to do with him outside of that. We talk on the phone and text and email and stuff, but we don’t actually see each other, not often. He travels a lot on business.”

She took a quick breath then hurried on. “So he’s been taking care of me and everything. Even my personal bills have been picked up during the pregnancy, so I could just focus on my research and on taking care of myself. He sends me these emails. I think maybe he’s talking to Dean Wilson, because the dean told me to teach fewer hours. He’s so handsome. No, not Dean Wilson. The man who I’m being a surrogate for. He’s really rich, by the way.”

Kari was literally gaping at Amara. She seemed to want to say something, but no words came out.

Amara kept going. In for a penny, in for a pound, as her mother liked to say. “The baby’s going to have a wonderful life, Kari. I just … I can’t do it myself. You know I never had plans for children. My work is my child, and the children I’m trying to feed are my focus. I made a bargain to have his child.”

Kari’s eyes couldn’t get wider. “Oh, gods … seriously? What kind of bargain? What do you get out of it?”

“Funding … for my work. It’s how I was able to keep going after Frederik sabotaged me last year.”

“Holy handmaidens,” Kari said. “I’m really … wow. All this time?”

“Do you think I’m a terrible person? I don’t know. It’s like I sold my baby or something. I keep thinking I’m terr —”

“Stop it right there, Amara Davis. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. And I can’t let you beat yourself up like that, even though I’m a little pissed right now that you kept all this from me. How could you do it?”

“I really needed the money, or I would have had to stop all the trials and —”

“Oh, I can see why you would make the bargain. You were thinking about all those starving families out there, weren’t you?”

Amara nodded and sniffled.

“Yeah, I can see you doing that. But you didn’t tell me! How did you keep such a secret from me all this time?”

“It was so hard. I wanted to tell you all the time.”

“But you didn’t. I don’t know what to think about that.”

“I’m so sorry, Kari. I really am.”

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