On one hand, I’m mad at him for his senseless accusation, on the other hand, I need him. Trying to stay away from him is self-torture. Yesterday was a lesson in how I’m taken with him.
I refuse to think about what would happen when I leave.
Right here and now, I need him and I’m mad at the same time. He has no right to accuse me of getting back with Todd so I channel my anger and push away the desire to lose myself in his arms.
“I can’t believe you’d say that.” I meet his eyes. “You know what happened between me and him. How can you say I want him back?”You should know how I feel for you.The words are stuck in my throat but I’m not going to say them. He’d probably toss them back in my face.
I’m sure he’s going to say something biting back. But he drops his head. “I just thought… when I saw you two together. I can tell he’s still into you.”
“And what if he is?” I draw nearer to him. Which means I have to tilt my head back to meet his gaze. I don’t care. I just need to look into the blue depths of his eyes and see if he’s fucking with me right now.
“What if?” I challenge. “I’m not dumb, Chance. I know what he did and an apology doesn’t change that. He’s apologizing for his conscience or whatever, but it doesn’t change that I’m over him.”And now, I’m into you.
Shut the fuck up, Maddie.
Chance looks back up, his chest moving as he exhales. “So, if he’s not the reason you’ve been ignoring me, then why?”
Uh-oh.
“Um…”
His eyes shutter. “Are you lying to me?” The hurt in his gaze shatters my heart. “If you want him, you can say it. You’re leaving anyway and I won’t blame you if you want something familiar to get back to.”
I’m shaking my head, but he continues speaking. Keeps saying those words that crush me over and over, like he believes it.
“I get the attraction.” He shrugs. “I won’t judge. You can do as you will. Don’t just lie about it.”
“I’m not lying!” I’m a pitch from yelling, but I can’t help it. I close the distance between us. Up close, every breath I take is coconut and coffee. This is all I want to breathe, not Todd’s cologne.This. “That’s not why I stayed away. He has never meant anything to me.”Not since I met you. I gulp. “Please, you have to believe me.”
“Then why?” His tone is rough, his eyes searching mine.
My shoulders fall. He won’t believe me unless I give him a reason for my actions yesterday.
I press my eyes shut knowing I mustn’t. But if I don’t, then I risk breaking his trust. Taking a deep breath, I blink open. “I… I…”
“Maddie,” he grates. “Let’s just—”
“No!” I press my hands to his chest. His heartbeat pumps beneath my touch. “I stayed away because I felt hurt, okay? I learned about what happened to your mom, your hand in it, and I couldn’t bear to look at you. Because I… I felt so bad that you’d feel that way and I was scared that if I spent time with you I’ll bring it up and…”
His frown gives way to a look of pure horror.
He’s mad at me.
I yank my hand away and step back. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have.” Moisture sips from my eyes and hits my cheeks and my voice trembles. “It wasn’t my place. I’m sorry, Chance. Please…”
A sob breaks from my throat and the weight of everything crashes down on me.
I bow my head and my shoulders tremble. He hates me now for sure and then fucking Todd pushing everything to be out in the open. Why didn’t I ignore the idiot? Or send him off once I met him?
I’m still going over my should-haves when firm hands touch my shoulders and travel up and down my arms. It’s a comforting gesture that reduces my sobs to hiccups.
I tilt my head and meet Chance’s gaze. There’s warmth in his eyes and something else I can’t place. I sniff and his shoulders fall with an exhale.
He thumbs away the traces of tears on my cheeks, his eyes following his touch.
I wish he’d speak, tell me it’s alright, but he does none of that.
His fingers drop to my chin, then he swipes his thumb over my lower lip. He does it again, caressing slowly, then applying pressure.
