Page 99 of Dirty Boss

I started. “What?”

“When Carrie went back to work for her old boss, she and I had lots of time to talk. I handle all his travel arrangements. She told me all about what happened at their work retreat thing. Were the two of you still together then?”

Mind reeling, I frowned. “Um. Well, that’s when we broke up?—”

“So it took your ex-fiancé about four milliseconds to jump into bed with another woman. And don’t get me wrong, they had their reasons. And I’m happy for them. And Idothink Carrie is amazing. But that’s riding a fine edge of acceptability, don’t you think?”

“I—”

Deena set her food down, then took my bowl out of my hands and put it next to hers on the coffee table. Then she took my hands and squeezed them. “Your relationship with Cole wasn’tbuilt on anything real, Alba. Not the kind of thing that can withstand the arrival of true emotion.”

That stung, even though I knew it was true. I gave her a tight smile.

Deena squeezed my hands again. “I’m not saying this to beat up on you. I’m saying it to set you free. You need to stop punishing yourself for the failure of a relationship that was never going to work in the first place. Let it go, babe.”

My bottom lip trembled. “I’m just so ashamed, Deena,” I whispered.

She sighed. “It’s messy. But life is messy. Sometimes you just gotta deal with it.”

“I wish I could go back in time and slap the phone out of my hands when I got that first message from James.”

“I wish I could do that too,” Deena answered, smiling. “But then—would you have broken up with Cole if you hadn’t had James? Would he have broken it off with you? Or would you two be locked in a bad marriage right now, slowly drifting apart, doing your best to keep up appearances? Maybe it all happened for a reason.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in that stuff. You said karmic retribution was bullshit.”

“I’m a complex person.” She shrugged, grinning. “I can believe whatever I like.”

A weak little laugh tumbled out of me, and I sighed. “Cole seemed happy.”

“He’s certainly forgiven himself for not being all-in on your engagement,” Deena agreed.

“If he can be happy, maybe one day I can too.”

“That’s the spirit.” Deena smiled encouragingly and picked up her food again. “Step one: forgive yourself. Step two: find a job. Step three: be free.”

“Just like that, huh.”

“Just like that.”

I drank a spoonful of soup, then glanced at the only person who was willing to sit with me and tell me she believed in me. “And Vaughn?”

“What about him?”

“What should I do? He’s called and texted me a bunch.”

Deena hummed. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“You still love him?”

Tears prickled at my eyes. “Unfortunately, yes. But if he thinks so little of me, what’s the point?”

It had felt so good to finally confront Cole, James, and my parents at the gala. It felt like breaking chains that had been keeping me in place. I’d finally found the courage to live my life for myself. I’d thought that life would be with Vaughn by my side.

Now I wasn’t so sure.

“Sleep on it and decide tomorrow,” Deena suggested.