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“If I’ve decided I can’t handle it,” Dev said slowly, staring down at the floor, “when’s the best time to leave her, so it doesn’t affect her standing with other vampires?”
The utter silence in the room wasn’t even punctured by the sound of Thomas’s breathing for a moment. Then he let out a quiet sigh.
“You could leave on this dawn. Lyssa would not betray her confidence, and while Alistair will disapprove of her decision to release you, he will not speak of it, either. You can disappear back into your world, and she can manage your disappearance in hers without too much incident.”
Dev nodded, rose and began to work his way along the wall, headed toward that bathroom, all muscles aching. No worries. That third mark would make him hale and hearty as a teenager in no time, right? But he needed the water. Needed to be clean to wash away how his body had responded to all of them so shamelessly. “Guess I’ll have to think about that, then.”
“While you’re thinking, remember what I said earlier.” Thomas rose, drawing his attention. “Being a full servant may serve God’s purpose for you.”
Dev stopped, glanced back at Thomas. “Perhaps your sense of divine purpose is the excuse you use to stand by a woman you can’t help loving in a way you shouldn’t.”
Thomas lifted a brow, his shrewd eyes never wavering, and damn if he didn’t have that priest look still, as if he could see every corner of Dev’s battered soul. “That’s as good an excuse as using what happened tonight to drive you away from the woman you love, who can give you a chance to serve a true purpose again. Because no matter what form it takes, love always serves a divine purpose, Dev. Always .”
It was close to dawn when he’d regained enough strength to come to the room Alistair had provided her for the daylight, so they hadn’t had to rush their evening. Well, he sure as hell could vouch for the fact they’d maximized every moment.
He’d dressed, planning to take a cab by her place to pick up his swag, leave her these clothes and don his own again.
Come in, Dev.
She was on a divan, her feet tucked up under her in a lounging position. Her gaze was calm, serene. “So you’re going walkabout on me,” she said without preamble. “I appreciate you facing me with it.” As he shifted uncomfortably, she shrugged. “Dev, I told you I’d let you go if you decided this wasn’t for you. It’s best you made the decision now, when you’re so new. I would like to thank you,” she added. “You’ve made me understand why so many vampires choose a third-marked servant. And you’re right, it’s foolish of me not to have one. Once I return to the station, I’ll start considering my staff there. Choose one who will serve my needs and yet is perhaps a little more suited to the role.” She gave him a light smile, gestured to the couch. He didn’t feel like sitting, but he did, perching on the arm. “We’ve had quite an adventure together, haven’t we?”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. “Can you bloody stop this?”
Her brow creased. “I’m trying to make things easier for you.”
“Don’t.” He stood up abruptly. “Nothing’s going to make it easier. I’m going to your house to get my things, but everything’s set up to truck your purchases back to the station. I’ll leave you the paperwork so you can see everything’s in order. Thomas said if anything goes amiss after that, he’ll be here a bit to help you sort it out. He seems a very levelheaded bloke.” Danny rose, faced him. “You didn’t fail me, Dev,” she said softly. “If anything, I failed you.”
“No.” He shook his head. Hesitating, he reached out, lifting her hand to bring it to his lips. But her fingers opened, so she ended up cradling the side of his face and he was leaning into her, drawing her body up against his, holding tightly. With an oath, he broke away. “It’s what it is, love. I’ve enjoyed the ride. Just wasn’t cut out for the whole journey. I want to thank you, too,” he added awkwardly. “It’s been brought to my attention that the way you left the door open isn’t the usual thing.” She nodded, her countenance as smooth as a lake, as lovely and mysterious. However, he thought her fingers had almost closed on him, as if trying to hold him, before he pulled away. “After . . . well, about a few days after this is done, I’ll block the mind link, Dev. I can open it when I choose, but you’ll feel . . . It will feel odd, like something’s missing at first. You’ll get used to it after a while, but if you do run into vampires down the road, it will be harder for them to detect you were marked by one.” His lips twisted in a bit of a smile. “Not a whole lot of them in the Outback, love. You’re unique.” She swallowed then, the first indication of a real emotion. “You’re an exceptional man, Dev, a treasure to any woman whose heart you steal. Seek a family again. You owe it to yourself. You have love to give.” He swallowed as well, glanced to the left, made the automatic note that the curtains were properly sealed against the coming dawn.
Of course, he was sure Alistair’s staff was well trained in that. “Ruskin. We still need to deal with him. You call me on that mind link thing of yours when you’re ready. I’ll back you up.”
“No.” Now any softness disappeared from her gaze. “I won’t. Let me deal with him, Dev. I promise I will, and there’s no shame in you letting me do it. A human cannot stand against a mature vampire and live. I’ll take care of him in my own time, my own way.
All right?”
When his lips firmed to that thin, stubborn line, Danny had to resist the sudden, desperate urge to follow the hard jaw with lips or fingers, make the green eyes soften or fire with lust, instead of anger. But something was tearing inside her now. It was a crush, Lyssa had implied. Emotions running high and strong like a flash flood. Like a flood, it would pass, and she’d have lovely, delicate memories, like the sudden fields of wildflowers that sprang up in the red landscape after such storms.
“Your word, my lady. Or I seek him out myself, at the earliest opportunity.”
“Very well,” she relented. “When I get ready, when the timing is right, I’ll contact you. We need to get past this vampire event of his first, because we don’t want to do it when he has so many in attendance. I’ll be going to that, of course, to determine if there are other weaknesses we can exploit.”
His hand shot out, caught her wrist. “I don’t want you anywhere near that bastard.”
“That is not your decision,” she said, meeting his gaze. “But know that I will be safe from him until I choose my strategy, if that brings you comfort.”
He searched her face, nodded. “All right, then. But, Danny, it can’t be like Ian. You have to step back, keep yourself separate from it if you’re going to get where you’re going.” At her furrowed brow, he shifted his glance away. “I’ll only say this once, and only because I think you need to hear it. That’s how I hunted down the men who killed my family. I didn’t let myself feel any of it, until it was over. You’ve got to do it like a god. As if it’s all for the best, really. No regrets. That comes after.” With the nightmares, she thought. Who would be near him during his sleep to keep it tranquil? Hold him when the nightmares couldn’t be outrun?
Hesitating, he withdrew his hand, but then offered the right one. “My lady.” Danny took it, but instead of a formal shake, she simply slid her hand into his palm, laced their fingers and gazed up at him. With another oath, he leaned down, took her lips in a hard, needy kiss, pulling her up against him. The sweep of his hands up her back washed all the rest away, made her long to beg him to stay, no matter what, damn the consequences to his heart and soul, or hers.
He saved them both. Tearing away, he spun on his heel, striding out of the room without a look back. Danny was glad for it, because she didn’t want the shame of him seeing the tears that gathered in her eyes and spilled out onto her cheeks at the close of the door behind him.
She stood there, her hands opening and closing. When her father died, she had hidden her grief away because her mother couldn’t bear her tears. She hadn’t cried when her mother chose Ian over her. But now, this was something she’d wanted for herself, and she’d underestimated how much. She didn’t give a damn about the vampire world and what they thought. He’d seen her. Liked her. Known her heart. And she’d gutted him for it. It didn’t matter that she’d had to do it. If this was all that life was, holding oneself aloof, century after century, not giving oneself a moment of intimacy, a moment of meaning, then what was the point? He’d looked at her the same way he looked upon the landscape of the bush, and he hadn’t seen emptiness in either one of them. But in the end, he’d chosen the Red Heart, because it hadn’t betrayed his, the way she had tonight. Like a sailor returning to the sea, because he was too much a part of it to refuse its call, he was going back to his desert. Which was where he belonged, where she could think fondly of him.
She’d sat down on the divan, bent over double, the pain too much to bear, when she felt Lyssa’s hands upon her. She’d given Lyssa a bloodlink, and while the queen could avail herself of it at any time, she didn’t often, as a courtesy. But apparently Danny’s pain was too loud to ignore.
What she’d never counted on her mother to give, she took from Lyssa now. Turning in the older vampire’s arms, she sobbed, while Lyssa held and rocked her silently, her jade green eyes full of sorrow and knowledge. Thomas stood at the door, his gaze locked with his Mistress’s, both of them understanding all too well the young vampire woman’s grief. And while Lady Lyssa might not fully understand what a servant provided, or how it balanced a chosen vampire’s world, Thomas did.
“Figure it out, Dev,” the monk murmured. “And come back soon.”
Lyssa had stayed until Danny was collected, then helped her wipe her tears. Said little, for there was nothing to say. By the time Danny went to bed, well past dawn, she was exhausted and thought she’d perhaps won the ability Dev had, to go to a place of nothingness in herself.
