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He'd given her intellect and faith. Both had kept her at Brian's side, through the good and the bad. As a result, she now understood her grandfather's last comment that day all the more.
More important, that one part is what makes everything else worth living and enduring.
He sounds like someone I would admire.
She looked up, saw Brian studying her again. Rising, he came to sit by her, offering her the handkerchief from the breast pocket of his jacket.
"Oh. Sorry." Mortified, she mopped at the tears.
"Nothing to be sorry for," he said gently. He slid an arm around her, even as she tried to recover her composure.
"I didn't mean to interrupt your work," she said. "You had a good fifteen minutes left." He could do more in fifteen minutes than most could in three days, his mind as quick as his vampire speed.
"I'm at a good stopping place. You should have let your grandmother know you're coming."
"I know." She fiddled with the handkerchief. "Sometimes it's easier not to give them time to think, prepare questions."
"And she might have called your parents."
Debra nodded. She couldn't bear to say good-bye to them again. She hadn't been as close to them as she was to her grandfather, but they were her parents, and they loved her. She wrote regularly, did video chats with them, but she'd weaned them off to less and less. Seeing the confused disappointment in her mother's eyes when Debra made this and that excuse for not visiting, even on holidays, had become excruciating.
"I guess it's time to do it. In another few years it's going to be obvious I'm not aging. Maybe we'll do it after...Grandpa." Fake my death.
She couldn't handle voicing it, any more than she could say aloud the reality her grandfather faced now.
SS
Brian sat silently, letting her struggle with her thoughts, even though he stayed close to them, making sure his mind touch was strong enough for her to feel him there. She leaned into it as a comfort, the same way she leaned against his side.
Vampires understood that servants turned away from an identity of their own to bond with their Master or Mistress. No career achievements, no job except for caring for their vampire. Vampires also knew the problems of dealing with living family members of those servants, and had protocols in place to address it, to protect the vampire world and to sever those ties more cleanly. Faking a death was the most common practice, since vampires didn't live very public lives for the most part.
Yet a vampire typically possessed a certain detachment about the impact of all that on their servant. He wondered if it was similar to the insensitivity that young adults demonstrated when taking the steps toward severing their childhood dependence on their parents, a necessary trait to ensure the future generation was capable of caring for themselves and the species as a whole. But the parents still grieved an empty nest, the child lost to adulthood.
Until recently, most of the vampires with whom Brian brushed shoulders had servants as much as a century old, where those issues had been addressed and were well in the past. The distance that had grown between him and Debra over the past few years had detached him even further from it, but now he saw it under a glaring spotlight. She'd given up her family, her career, to work at his side, to serve him. Who did that? If she'd stayed in the human world, she'd likely be the head of her own facility, perhaps even researching how to slow down diseases like what was taking her grandfather's life now.
Because he was incapable of not tangling up his personal ruminations with professional ones, he latched onto it as further evidence that chemical makeup determined which humans gravitated toward vampire bonding. Perhaps, when the right circumstances arose "activating" that makeup, it was no more a choice for the human in question than sexual orientation. Vampires were so sexual that gay and straight weren't really relevant classifications for them, but he had to say he definitely preferred women overall. Debra in particular.
He inhaled her scent now, pleased with the mix of fragrances from her soap and shampoo, the touch of rosemary and lavender. Her clean smell made him think of fresh laundry hung out on the line, touched by the sun and wind. When he went with his impulse and nuzzled her hair, he caught her surprised, shy smile. She kept her head ducked down, though, tucking away notes in her computer bag.
Debra didn't fit the profile they'd been building about which humans were predisposed toward becoming vampire servants. Gideon Green was a former vampire hunter who'd reached a crisis point. Jacob had been a drifter of sorts, working with his brother before operating as a Renaissance Faire player. Jessica had been forced to serve another vampire, and was then rescued by Lord Mason. Their circumstances had already divorced them from strong family ties. While they were just a sampling, he wondered how many servants had initially followed career paths with the potential for limelight.
Debra's breakthroughs could easily have brought her widespread recognition, in her field and beyond it. Yet her scientific ambitions were purely service-oriented, also unusual. Ego usually was a key driving factor for one so accomplished in scientific endeavor. He had no doubt his ego and yes, a healthy dose of arrogance, were an essential part of his. But Debra was an extreme submissive, capable of shutting down ego or wellbeing to fulfill her personal markers for service.
Debra had cited the typical servant party line several times, that it wasn't his job to pay attention to her wellbeing. He was the one being served, not the servant. But that was bullshit, wasn't it? There was far more reciprocity to it, as Jacob had stated baldly. If Lady Lyssa, head of the Vampire Council, had figured it out, showing it in ways large and small...
He came out of his absorption at Debra's touch on his knee. Her faint smile didn't dissolve the sadness in her eyes, her drawn look. "What problem were you solving this time?" she asked.
Did she realize there was a slight break in her voice? "The vampire-servant chemical issue. I think I've come up with a new variable. But we'll talk about it later."
He wanted to focus on his particular exception to the rule, on a more personal level. The more time he spent in her mind, the more he realized how much he'd been missing. He surprised her on every level of it when he bent forward, put his other arm under her knees and lifted her onto his lap. "As you said, we have a few minutes before we get in the hangar. Take a nap."
"But..."
Tilting her head back, he kissed her protesting mouth. "No buts. Sleep." He kissed each eyelid closed, then her cheek bones when she tried to open them again, until she was stifling a very un-Debra giggle that made him want to smile, except his heart was too tight, considering the thoughts rolling through his head. "Sleep, servant."
She gave a resigned sigh. "All right, but don't blame me if all this sleeping you want me to do makes us arrive in Texas unprepared."
"Of course I'll blame you. That's why I have you."
"Troll," she said, delighting him. When he pinched her, she nestled her head under his chin, gave a little sigh and subsided.
Maybe it wasn't chemical at all. Maybe humans like her were just a miracle, a once-in-a-lifetime chance he'd fucked up immeasurably because of his misplaced sense of entitlement. He winced at the acid thought, layered with sentiment and guilt, but just because it was driven by his emotions didn't make it a false assumption.
He rubbed her arm, held her. She sank into a fitful doze quickly. She was learning to sleep more often, but he'd had to punish her twice for not watching the time and coming to him at dusk without having obeyed his requirement that she sleep three hours. Though punishment might be the wrong term, since Debra reached a higher level of subspace with a higher level of pain.
He'd been forced -- such a chore -- his lips twisted wryly -- to explore other methods of punishment. Ones that made her more mindful of his orders. Multiple forced climaxes while he had her strapped to a St. Andrew's Cross in Lyssa's well-equipped dungeon had depleted her to the point she slept six hours and lost half a day. Then there was depriving her of a climax entirely. That one
had made it difficult for her to sleep at all, but he'd made her stay in the bed with him until dusk that day, not allowing her to entertain herself except to document her sexual fantasies on paper until he roused. Then he made her masturbate herself to climax while he watched. She came within seconds, while he read what she'd written with exaggerated detachment. He'd tossed it aside, remarking on how erratic the handwriting had looked, and then taken her thoroughly, a pleasurable way to start the day.
The more he did, the more he wanted to do with her. He wondered if by stifling it in their earlier years, he'd only delayed the overload of passion a vampire felt when he first took a servant. This past week, the thought had set off several new wrestling matches between his previous thinking and the current hypothesis he was pursuing with her, but so far the latter kept coming out on top. He was actually thinking of expanding their "off time". They both deserved at least one night a week where they did nothing. Enjoyed other pastimes. Since the research facility had been established by Council, he'd been so intent on proving himself worthy of their confidence, he'd driven himself and Debra seven days a week, grabbing leisure time as a guilty snack, not as a full course, leisurely meal.
Maybe on the way back, they'd take a side trip. Not far off course; he wasn't going to presume too much on Lady Lyssa's generosity. However, he could take Debra to some place where they could just spend a night. Maybe Memphis. He expected she'd enjoy watching the evening duck walk at the Peabody. He imagined her standing on the roof outside the duck's grand enclosure, her hair rippling in the strong night breezes while she spoke gently to the birds. She loved animals.
She also loved him. That was something most high-born vampires didn't think much about either, more concerned with obedience and service. Some vampires even deemed it a detriment for the servant to feel too much. His father was certainly that way. He'd approved of Debra, said she seemed logical and controlled.
She could be. But she could also be something else entirely, a wealth of female emotion and yearnings as compelling to him as her sexual and scientific sides. He wanted to push her even further in that direction, see what they could experience if they both went down the road he was beginning to feel they should have explored years ago.
