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"Fifty?" Keldwyn glanced at him. "Weren't you still a fledgling? My understanding was born vampires are unable to control their bloodlust without guidance until they are well over fifty."
Uthe nodded. "I was also a target for other vampires who can be cruel to a born male fledgling. God blessed me with a cunning that helped me navigate those dangers, and a maturity to contain the bloodlust better than most vampires at the same age. Despite that, without an ally, I still might have been ended before I began. I met Rail in France. He was an old vampire, though I didn't know then how old. He let me stay in his home and asked nothing of me except my companionship. He treated me as a son and taught me how to protect myself."
Uthe paused. "He was different from any vampire I've known, then or since. You can detect the potential for bloodlust in any of us, even at our calmest. Not him. His peacefulness was like a lake, always. When we went out to find blood, he'd use compulsion to bring a human to him, share that human with me and then release the human after clearing his or her mind of the event. Throughout all of it, he'd show no urgency. He ate as a human breathes--naturally, without thought, without struggle."
Uthe placed his hand on the hilt of the dagger. "He had this in his possession. Since he always had it with him, I asked him about it."
He closed his eyes, remembering the other vampire. Rail had deep brown skin, dark as the earth and burned darker, for he'd been a made vampire, a human who'd once known the baking heat of the sun. His piercing brown eyes were laced with crimson, his voice rough like the warning rumble of an old dog...
* * *
"Why do you carry that dagger everywhere? What's so special about it?"
Rail didn't answer the question right away, his attention on the wooden horse he was carving. His vampire speed made him a prolific woodworker. He was the source of bowls, utensils, toys and tools for the nearest small villages. He lived on their outskirts, in a small hut with a cool, dark cellar dug into the floor, where he and Uthe slept during the daylight hours.
"I've been thinking." Rail ignored Uthe's question, or so he thought. "You should give yourself your own name. I named myself Rail, because of how thin I am. We live so many years, it doesn't much matter where we're from or what we were called as a babe, does it?"
Uthe thought about that, liked the idea. "We've been everywhere," Rail continued. "I've rarely met a vampire over five hundred who hasn't seen a lot of the world, because you can't stay one place too long with the same humans."
"You haven't thought of taking a servant?"
Rail shrugged. "I was born well before that started happening. I'm not even sure who did it first, who figured out the purpose of those marking serums hidden up behind our fangs. Maybe it's just instinct that guided us the right way, like the first person who figured out we live on human blood. But if you weren't born into that, and I wasn't, it seems strange, saddling yourself with a human, with all their weaknesses."
Uthe's father had felt the same way. He'd only taken a human servant to breed. Once he'd found one that could give him a son, he'd seen no further purpose to her save for one final, fatal meal. Their unwillingness to have a fully marked servant was the only similarity Uthe saw between his father and Rail. Thankfully.
"I hear the three marks make the servants stronger and faster," Rail said, "but we're still way stronger and faster, and so much of our lives are about survival. Can you imagine us ever being able to settle in one place and not worry about being noticed?"
Turning over the horse and clamping it in a vise, he started working on the hooves. "But I'll admit, our life can give a vampire male some low moments. Living on the edges of their world, seeing men settle in homes with wife and children, and them having a stable day-to-day routine. When the bloodlust and the need for violence comes upon us, as it always does, it might be a challenge to fit into that picture. But it's tempting."
Uthe took a seat at the table across from him. Rail was like that. First saying no to something, and then looking at it from different angles until he came to a wholly different conclusion.
"The ones of us that live like monsters, outside human law or vampire common sense, who see humans only as food and kill indiscriminately rather than just taking what they need--those vampires will get all of us hunted, you mark me." When Rail said that, he sent a shrewd glance toward Uthe. Uthe realized his fists had clenched, a response to uncomfortable memories. He forced himself to release that tension as Rail continued.
"Maybe having a human bound to us for blood would give us the chance to live our life in a halfway settled way. That might be something. The birds and beasts, they know how to live in the moment and make the most of it, not thinking behind or forward, but it's difficult for us vampires and humans to do that. We like to have a sense of marking a place as our own. Maybe having a servant's a way to do that..."
Uthe wondered if the old vampire had forgotten his original question. Now he looked tired and sad. "Are you well, Rail?" he ventured.
"Yes, son. Sometimes I'm haunted by ghosts. You've got them too, young as you are. Sometimes you worry that none of it is going to make sense, that you're not going to make sense. You feel despair, don't you? As if your crimes are already too great, and a million years won't make things better. Even if you live a million years, if we're dust at the end of it and all's forgotten, what did it really matter? What's the point?"
Uthe didn't reply, though he knew his hands had clenched again, and there was a sharp feeling in his gut, as if he'd swallowed a couple of knives whole and they'd cut their way down to his midsection.
"There was a time I felt that way. I'm nearly fifteen hundred years old." He chuckled at Uthe's shocked expression. "Yep. They say vampires that live past five hundred years are rare. Not sure if this has anything to do with it," he patted the dagger, "because that's about how old I was when it came into my hands. You thought I'd forgotten, didn't you?"
Uthe shook his head as Rail sat down in the opposite chair, drawing up one knee to clasp his arms around it. He balanced on one bony buttock. "I was traveling in Jerusalem. There was a good network of caves outside the city, and I'd holed up there for awhile. A man started coming out to that wild place. He'd pray a lot, then sit by himself, thinking. Though I kept myself hidden while I was watching him, and humans aren't supposed to detect us when we don't want to be seen, he knew I was there, every time."
Rail nodded at Uthe's surprised look. "But he never said a word to me. He had this feeling around him... Peaceful's a way to describe it, but even that doesn't quite catch it, because when we say peaceful, we think of it as a temporary thing, like being happy, sad, annoyed. Peace was him, who he was, through and through."
Rail offered a grim smile. "I was a discontent bastard at that point, so I thought of drinking from him, to see if his blood was as peaceful. Like a tonic. The night I had that thought, he turned around, looked right at me. "Will you sit with me?" he said. "I know you often sit with me while I'm here, but I would like you to come closer."
"I wondered if he was a sorcerer, something more than a man. But I came out of hiding and sat with him. First a few feet away and then on the rock next to him. I was like a wild dog, distrustful of a human offering his fire and meat to share. That night, he didn't want to talk. He didn't even sta
rt praying like he usually did. He just sat, studying the stars, the land around us, as if he was trying to memorize it. His eyes...they were brown as the deepest part of the earth, and you'd fall into them in a good way if you looked long enough. At last, he drew this dagger, cut his wrist and offered it to me."
Rail's expression grew distant. "You're young, and you'll think my mind is going, but when I tasted his blood, I tasted that peace. It was...there's been nothing like it ever since. You've wondered that I don't seem as ruled by my hunger as most, that I don't get angry or let the bloodlust take me. Some of that's age. You're at the age where everything is about the hunger. That dies back a bit as time goes on. But part of it was having the best meal of my life and knowing that there will never be any better. Doesn't mean you don't appreciate what others have to offer, but you just...the hunger goes away."
"So he was a sorcerer, of sorts."
"No. That's what was peculiar about it. His blood told me he was a man. A mortal man with sad eyes and a sad heart. It was near the time when he would die, you see. I didn't know that then, but he obviously did. I heard about it a short time later. That night, though, he smiled when I sealed the wound. Touched my brow and wished me peace and long life."
Rail pulled himself out of the memory. "You seek peace, young vampire? Go to Jerusalem, find your peace there like I did." He extended the knife, startling Uthe. "If you carry this, you can move freely in daylight. It won't take away your need for human blood, but you can walk among mortal men with less suspicion."
Uthe took the blade, examined it. "It will allow me to walk in sunlight?" he said dubiously.
"Yes. Don't share that information with any other vampire, ever. I shouldn't have to tell you something so obvious, but you're young yet. Your brain function's paralyzed by the stupidity of youth. This blade is meant to serve a purpose, and mine's almost done. Take it. It will guide you to yours. As long as you serve it well, it will serve you well."
Uthe handed it back. "It's yours. It serves you. I think the reason you're trying to give it to me and the reason you're sad are the same reason. What is it?" Though he already knew.
