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"It does. We do it often to soothe our children, but it has a similar effect on adults. Though if you ever offer to play with my ears when I'm in a temper, I will skewer you with a rusty blade."
Uthe smiled. When Kel shifted, Uthe knew the Fae Lord had reached his limit for the familiarity, but when he stopped doing it, Keldwyn didn't shift away. Instead he helped Uthe to his feet, and grunted at him to lift his arms so he could strip the unlaced tunic off him. Kel rested a brief hand on his chest. "We'll wash up in the stream," he said. "Take off the rest."
Since Keldwyn started to strip, Uthe complied, pushing the half removed leggings off with the boots. When he swayed, Kel's hand was on his hip, steadying him. The Fae's expression indicated it was a courtesy, but he didn't take the heat of his palm away as Uthe straightened.
"They say vampires are sometimes faster than Fae," Keldwyn noted. "But I have not found that to be true. You've never beaten me back to the estate during your morning sun ritual."
"I've never been racing against you."
"True enough. Let us race to the stream. We have both just climaxed, so that's an even handicap."
Given it didn't seem to have rocked Kel's world to its physical foundations, Uthe wouldn't agree, but he wouldn't argue that. He still hadn't had blood, so that was an acceptable reason for his knees to be shaky. He could level the playing field another way, though. In a flash, he'd knocked Keldwyn off his feet with a feint and side slam, and bolted for the pond.
He beat him by a stride. They splashed into the water, and Uthe was pleased to see the Fae Lord grinning. "A vampire must cheat to win."
"Leveling the playing field is not cheating. It's keeping your opponent honest. If such a thing is possible when talking about a Fae."
"Fanged barbarian."
"Pretentious fop."
Keldwyn's slim brows lifted nearly to his hairline. "An insult more appropriate to earlier time periods."
"I learn from all eras, my lord." The stream was waist deep in the middle, so Uthe could comfortably stand in it. Looking down, he saw brightly colored fish and a snakelike thing swimming around his feet. Like the insects, the fish were populated with similarly shaped Fae, who looked like tiny mermaids with whiskers and double-lidded eyes that studied him with interest.
Dropping to one knee in the shallow water, he spread his hands out so the tiny fish and Fae merfolk swam around them, investigating before drifting onward. He was of no consequence, just an obstacle. Feeling Keldwyn's gaze on him, he closed his eyes, thinking of all the things the Fae had opened up in him. All this time, he'd learned to contain his feelings with prayer and meditation. He'd learned the value of silence, and of knowing what to say, precisely as it should be said. All in the service of God.
But there were times when the need to communicate, to speak something aloud in the presence of one who could accept it, witness it, acknowledge the sheer weight it held on his soul and perhaps understand it, was needed. It was a type of spiritual nourishment too. He had struck at Keldwyn with words because he knew how to use them as weapons, but Uthe knew they should never be used as a shield to keep him from facing truth. He'd done that when he rejected Della as a blood source. Keldwyn had not pursued it, giving him space. Being a friend. As odd as it was to finally say that in his mind, it was the truth, too. The Fae Lord was a friend, a good one.
Uthe needed to make amends. He accepted the pain of saying his next words aloud as his penance.
"I will not drink from a child, because my father did," he said. "Because when I was a fledgling, he made me hold them down while he drank their blood and then killed them. He said I had a way of calming them. He liked their fear only at the beginning, not during the meal or the finish. I would hold their wrists pinned, and I would speak to them, tell them to look at me. I would tell them it was all right, that he was just going to drink from them until they fell asleep... Their small fingers would scrape at my closed hand, trying to hold onto me because I convinced them I could somehow make it all better."
When he felt Keldwyn draw close, he spoke through stiff lips.
"You gave me a gift just now, Kel, and my heart is so wide open I'm bleeding. So don't take this the wrong way, but I can't be touched when I'm talking about this. Especially by you, because I don't want to give the nightmares of my past a chance to taint the way I feel when you touch me. It's a treasure I can't bear to lose."
He moved toward the shore. "I need to feed. We should get to that portal you mentioned." Without a look back, he strode out of the water and back to his clothes.
Chapter Twelve
Keldwyn made his good-byes to Catriona. Uthe stood at a distance, watching as the young Fae wound her arms around him and held him tightly. When Kel tilted her head up with a hand on her face, speaking to her in a steady, quiet tone, Uthe was sure once more that Catriona was aware of the gravity of this particular departure, no matter that Keldwyn hadn't spoken of the details. She clung to him as he bent his head over hers again, kissed her crown, and then eased away from her, striding toward Uthe. Della ran to her side, wrapping her arms around the fairy, a fistful of flowers crushed against her hip. The unicorn nudged them back toward the water, the dragon making tight, protective circles around them.
Catriona let herself be led, but she looked over her shoulder, watching them until Keldwyn was out of her sight. Uthe noticed Keldwyn didn't look back, his shoulders set. He led Uthe down a trail into a forest filled with the iridescent light of small firefly Fae and flowers that bloomed in shade. While Uthe suspected they could only survive in the Fae world, he hoped Lyssa had had the opportunity to see these flowers, since anything that could blossom in the dark was of interest to her.
"She loves you deeply," he remarked.
Keldwyn said nothing. Uthe sighed. "The Shattered World is an uncharted part of the Fae world, my lord. You have never been there. It therefore makes no sense for you to follow me into it. If no one can navigate it, then your guidance adds no value. You should leave me once we reach the gates."
"If that is the case, it is pointless for you to enter it, is it not? How will you find a detached head in a world that gives you no clear markers to follow?"
"Because I'm blood linked to it."
Keldwyn came to a stop and turned to face him. "What?"
"Shahnaz injected the head with my blood, and had me give it the first and second marks we give to servants. I also ingested some of its blood before she placed it in the Shattered World. Even from that dimension, I can hear the demon's voice, as well as John's, when he chooses to speak."
Keldwyn studied him. "So all this time," he said slowly, "you have had the demon's voice in your head. You have had to manage its manipulations while the Ennui has been advancing?"
Leave it to Keldwyn to zero right in on the main issue. "Yes. I've been able to control his influence in my mind, the same way I would a marked human. For the most part. The fortunate thing is that the voices in my head are distinct from my own consciousness. Otherwise, I'd be more muddled than I already am at times." He said it lightly, not expecting any humor in return. He wasn't disappointed. He could feel Keldwyn's incredulous stare burning into him, but Uthe shifted his gaze back to the path. "We should keep going."
Keldwyn put out a hand, stopping him. "There have been times I thought someone else was talking to you when we were together. At first I thought you shared a mind link with another vampire, like Lyssa or Evan, but I expected you would have made casual comments about such communications. There is usually a certain tension that radiates off you when it happens. That is the demon, is it not?"
"Yes, probably. He keeps me on my toes. At times, when he's gotten bored, he's even listened in on some Council meetings and offered his opinion on what we're debating." Uthe's lips twisted. "He's actually come up with the same solutions we have once or twice. He's clever as well as evil. Hence the need to always stay on guard when he's talking to me."
Keldwyn shook his head. "Remarkable."
"So
you see," Uthe pressed his advantage, "I have a way to find him. There's no need for us both to risk ourselves."
Keldwyn began to move along the path again. "What if your mind's clarity deserts you, Lord Uthe? At such times you doubt the line between reality and fantasy. From the little we know of it, in the Shattered World it is almost impossible for a normal person to tell the difference, let alone a man fighting a brain illness that already clouds truth and illusion."
"Perhaps it will work to my advantage," Uthe said, pushing aside the apprehension Kel's words invoked. "I'll be clear, whereas those of you in your right minds will be the confused ones."
Keldwyn tossed him a deprecating look. "I am going with you, Lord Uthe. I am done having this argument."
