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Instead, he stood at a distance, respecting whatever prayers Uthe was offering to the Divine Energy he preferred to call God or the Lord. He listened to the prayers in Uthe's head, not to eavesdrop but to absorb the cadence of his thoughts, like music. When the vampire was concluding the evening ritual, Kel moved forward, trailing his fingers over the vampire's nape, teasing the soft hair there.
"So are you satisfied with what Brian told you?" He saw no reason to delay the discussion. He'd been thinking about it since they'd fought about it last night, and ended up in Brian's lab. They'd put the scientist in the center of a discussion heated enough Brian had probably wished he'd locked away his delicate instruments and glass beakers.
Uthe lifted his head. He stayed silent and didn't move as Kel continued to caress him. He wondered if Uthe did it because of how much it stirred Keldwyn, seeing him on his knees like this.
"Yes. And because it arouses me as well," Uthe said quietly. He paused. "I know Brian agrees with you, that your Fae blood likely protects you, the same way it will slow the effects of the disease on me. Perhaps even reverse it. But likely and perhaps are important words."
"Yes, they are. Perhaps I will refuse to be denied on this." Kel stepped in front of him, looking down into the Templar's serious face. "Do you want me as your third mark, Varick? A simple yes or no."
"Yes. But not at the expense of your life or sanity. The first is a certainty when I die. I am content with the binding we have between us now."
"I am not. The third mark will increase the viability of my blood upon you. Making it even more possible that the disease is slowed or reversed."
"If that happens, then Queen Rhoswen will shut the door between our worlds. She's not going to let Lord Brian recruit Fae servants for vampires with Ennui."
Kel flashed a smile. "Yet wouldn't it be amusing to watch her reaction if he comes to her with that request, with that earnest and handsome face of his?"
"Yes. Right up to the point she turns him into an ice sculpture and has Cayden smash him to bits with a mace."
"Do you love me, my lord?"
Uthe held his gaze steadily without responding. His mind was curiously quiet and dark. He rose. "Let's walk to the gardens."
They did that in silence. Most times, Kel could be very patient. Once they reached the gardens and were walking along a stone wall border for a wealth of blooming vines, he found he wasn't in that mood. He caught Uthe's arm and pushed him against the wall, sandwiching him there with his body, his face very close to the vampire's. "Do you love me, Varick?" he repeated, softer.
"You know I do." Uthe shoved against him but Kel would not be moved. "You are in my head, my lord. I do not hold anything back from you there."
"But the mind is much more than surface thoughts. That's something new you've given me." Kel eased back, but held him there, a hand on Uthe's hip, the other palm planted against the wall by Uthe's head. "I have many powers, but the ability to be inside another's mind was never one of them. Yours is as complex as a field. The nourishing soil beneath, the heated fire far, far below. Your thoughts are like plants, all shapes and sizes, moved by a direction-changing wind. But I want the constant, the heated fire at the core. Give me your soul, Varick, and accept mine. I have never been anyone's first choice...who was mine."
Uthe's dark eyes flickered. "Does your loss of Reghan impact this decision, my lord? You told me you were concerned about letting the opportunity slip by as you did with him. I would not have you rush it for that purpose."
"I am not that impulsive, and you know it. It would not have mattered if I had acted sooner with him, regardless. He did not love me that way. I am quite capable of understanding the impact of this decision. Do you doubt it? Do you doubt me?" Keldwyn touched Uthe's face.
Uthe shook his head. "I do not, my lord. But I would not have you give your life for a shadow of the love you wanted."
He couldn't have surprised Keldwyn more if he'd turned into a toad in front of him. How had he not seen that? Since the vampire had given him the second mark, Keldwyn had embraced the intimacy it gave him, the increased bond in their more intense moments. Yet while he was learning to navigate the vampire's mind more every day, he'd learned it was nowhere as easy or open as a human servant's mind was to a vampire. Uthe left the door open, but there were plenty of rooms and mazes in which to conceal the track of his thoughts if he so desired.
"I apologize, my lord." The vampire straightened abruptly. "There are times I am far more sentimental than I should be. I attribute it to my condition."
"I don't." Keldwyn planted his other hand on the wall, caging Uthe between them. Kel was willing to turn this into a wrestling match if needed, and win. "I attribute it to your feelings for me, Varick. You want to know if I'm settling for you. If I'm so desperate for the love I wanted with Reghan that I've convinced myself I can 'make do' with yours." He paused, hoping the sparks snapping in his eyes underscored his point. "We have both lived long enough, loved often enough, to know love is not quantifiable. Reghan was then, you are now. I have not wanted to love again until now. You caused that feeling, Varick. You. I will repeat my question. Do you doubt me, or do I have to put my booted foot up your tight, devout ass to prove my point?"
Uthe smiled a little, easing some but not all of Kel's reaction. "I do not." He paused, getting a somber look. "When I get lost in my mind, you are there, with me. One day I might not be able to find my way back."
"As long as I'm there, you will not be alone. And you will find your way back. We are blood linked. You need only follow me."
Uthe lifted a hand and curled it around Kel's forearm. "Brian would say that was entirely mawkish and unscientific."
"It doesn't make it any less true. Varick, I'm not taking no for an answer, even if I have to bedevil you for the remainder of your life."
"Here I was, looking for a good reason to meet the sun, and you just gave me one."
When Kel showed his teeth, Uthe chuckled. He slid down the wall to rest on his haunches. As he fingered one of the blooms near him, Kel's brow creased. Squatting on his heels, he rested a hand on Uthe's knee. Uthe lifted his gaze to him.
"Before I decide, I would like to ride a dragon with you, my lord. More slowly this time. I would like to go to the place we were with Catriona and her friend Della. I want to lie in the field with you beneath me, your arms around me."
It was the type of thing someone would do before they said good-bye, but Kel ignored the uneasiness in his gut and focused instead on what he saw in Uthe's face, felt in his mind. It was not a yes, but it was not a no. He simply wanted breathing space. Fair enough. He hadn't given him much of that, in truth. Nor did he intend to start now.
"All right. I want something as well." Rising, he drew the riding crop out of his thigh high boot, twirled it.
Uthe raised a brow. "Did you use that on your dragon mount?"
"If I had, he'd be using my bones as toothpicks to clean a Fae lord's intestines out of his teeth," Keldwyn said dryly. "I want to use it on you. I want to see how you submit to pain under my hand."
Desire flared in Uthe's gaze before he could quell it. It didn't repel him, for certain. Kel decided to test that reaction further. "I'd also like to bind you, so tightly you cannot move, and then torment you to climax. I want you to give me the third mark when you are completely subjugated to me, completely surrendered to my will."
The swirls of color in Uthe's mind when he was aroused were like a painting, a rippling ocean of passionate red. Uthe let out a muttered curse. "You are not always fair, my lord."
"I am often not fair. It is something you appreciate about me. I also think that assumption is a wise way to start a third mark binding." Keldwyn flicked the end of the crop against Uthe's knee. "So you know if ever you slip and refer to me as your servant, I will exact revenge upon you in ways you will remember for decades. Ennui itself will be unable to dispel it from your memory."
Uthe straightened and started to move away. Kel brought him
back with a show of strength. Uthe countered it, gripping Kel's wrist, his dark eyes glittering. "You will push me to this, and we will both regret it," he said between his teeth.
"No, we won't." Kel leaned in, touched his lips to Uthe's. "Give in to me, Varick. I love you, I refuse to let you go, I want your soul. If I have to give you mine to make that happen, it is a gift freely given. You have not stood in the way of God's will for centuries; the least you can do is step out of the way of mine this one time."
"For yet another of many times, my lord, I remind you that you are not on par with God." But he held onto Keldwyn's wrist. "You already know my resistance is because it is something I want as much as you do. I just do not want to make a hasty decision because I am afraid to be alone when the Ennui takes me fully."
"When or if," Kel corrected him. "Very well. So tell me why do you want to do it? What is the proper reason to take me as a third mark?"
Uthe's jaw relaxed. "A neat trap, my lord. Because I love you. Because I do not want to be apart from you, ever. Because it already feels like our souls are bound, and this is simply the formality."
